Monday
Gay Confusion and IssuesThe Case of Pendulum Sexuality

There are so many names for confusion, well because it is confusion. Here’s a letter from Rico, a confused guy who, according to him, seems to swing from homo to hetero to homo and back — just like a pendulum. Read on, and feel free to share your thoughts.
Migs,
Since pre-school I was called bayot, bading, bakla, etc. because of the way I walk and talk back then. I was bullied in school because of that. But I had never felt attracted to the same sex then. I play dolls with my older sister but I only play them because I like to write and scribble around the dolls’ bodies. I also play robots and video games with my cousins. I thought nothing was wrong with me. I had girlfriends since first year high school. This time, I do not walk and talk like a fag anymore because of puberty, I guess, and I trained my self not to act like one. But deep inside me, I really thought I’m not gay. I fantasize women. I started masturbating when I was in my sophomore year. I am into “straight” internet porn. I had a sexual encounter. But when I accidentally saw a naked man while searching for internet porn, I suddenly became aroused. Much more aroused when I see naked women. And then I started to stick to naked men. I get erections when I see actual naked men. And I asked myself for many times, “Am I gay?” And the odds started to sink into my mind.
My dad is a pastor and my mom is a preacher. My grandmother owns a chapel. I grew up in a very happy family. They raised me well and they taught me good values. I was running for Valedictorian. I am the president of the Student Council. This will ruin my reputation. This will ruin my family’s reputation.
But I accepted the fact then that there is a huge possibility that I might be gay. My classmates quite noticed that I am not into relationships anymore and that I am now more close to my girl classmates than the guys. I had my last relationship during 4th year because I was an ass and I reasoned out that I don’t love her anymore. I never loved her, just tested if I still am into chicks.
Then I told myself that I really am gay but I would be much happier if I don’t come out because it just won’t work. My family are literally men of God. I grew up in churches. I am gay but I don’t want to be gay.
And now in college, two of my blockmates fell in love with me. I want to tell them the truth but I know once I tell one person, the real thing about me would eventually spread.
Last night I was just surfing the internet. I grew tired of Internet porn so I am not into that anymore. That was what I thought. But when I saw a couple of Angel Locsin’s mag pics in Maxim posted at flesh asia daily. She’s not even naked, but I really really got aroused. I searched again for more Angel Locsin photos and I ended up masturbating. And now I am more confused than ever. Am I not gay anymore? Is this a cycle? Are gays out there also aroused to straight porn? Because now I am coming back to straight porn, but I also go once in a while to see naked men. And I also get aroused. I really need advices in dealing with these confusion, the odds in my family, and in coming out or becoming straight.
Your reader,
Rico
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Jun 9, 2008
Reply
This is a “BI” thing…I sometimes have the same feeling but my attraction towards men is stronger…
Jun 9, 2008
Reply
hahaha…una ako.
dear,baka ur a bisexual. from wat ive read u get aroused when u see sexy pics of women or men, also u lyk str8 n gay porn. thus, u myt be bisexual. muah!
hope nakatulong ang baliktad na rosas.
Jun 9, 2008
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I think you’re just sexually deprived and you confuse your overwhelming ‘horniness’ to being gay. Better yet, maybe you’re bisexual– able to enjoy the company of men and women. Or maybe this is just a fetish/kink that you have. The thing is, only you can determine whether you’re gay (or not), and masturbating while fantasizing naked men does not automatically make you a flaming homo.
My suggestion? Go with the flow. Why bother labeling yourself? Personally, I don’t really see the point of ID-ing yourself as straight/gay/bi. Have relationships with men, women– whatever makes you content and happy. I understand that you’re worried about the repercussions of doing so, but realize this: at some point you’ve got to think about yourself for once and not mind what other people think.
Jun 9, 2008
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I know it’s difficult but I agree with Mavin Lark - be happy with yourself. Just don’t hurt anybody in the process of trying to find yourself. Go with the flow, this is after all the 21st century, not the Inquisition.
Jun 10, 2008
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I have my own theory wherein I think all men have passed through the stage of adolescence where all men are bisexual. In this stage, you will choose which path you will take, being with a girl or being with a guy… Confusion stage from 12-18 yrs old normally. Feeling ko nga most of the guys have homosexual experiences but in the end, they will choose the path they want…. like what our father did, in which they choose to be straight and be married… others like me, choose to be happy, single and gay! I am 25 yrs old already and have been steady for 5 years now… and i must say that i am truly happy… Just follow your heart… and you will get your answers.. you’re the only person who can solve your problem… Cheers c”,)
Jun 10, 2008
Reply
panahon na
para mag saya
forget mo na
ang problema. . .
jakol ka na lang pare! click me!
Jun 10, 2008
Reply
hi….well i think based on what your letter said, you only fantasize as of now with guys, no actual experience yet…so pwedeng straight ka pa rin but with homosexual or bisexual tendencies…..dont worry too much bout that at least you have the best of bith worlds…welcome hehehe…until you experienced it with a guy na dun ka na mag worry….at di rin naman importante ang labels basta alam mo kung ano ka ok….
Jun 10, 2008
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Rico,
Humans are bisexual in nature. Your feelings are rather the *naturalistic* norm for the average Homo Sapiens and Bonobo chimpanzee (the most intelligent creatures so far).
I think that one of the problems with modern westernized societies is we have set up this false “either/or” dichotomy when it comes to our sexual identities. People are regarded as either completely heterosexual or completely homosexual with very little wiggle room in between. Rather, I think that each of us falls somewhere along a sexual continuum - a bell curve somewhat skewed towards the heterosexual side of the equation.
…
In ancient societies, as well as in many current ones outside of the western world, this concept was well understood.
…
I think it is now time to move past such labels and embrace a true sexual continuum for all people. At least I think that has to be the ultimate goal.
Jun 10, 2008
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magpakatotoo ka lang, pero suffer the consequences…okey
Jun 10, 2008
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I guess you’re very confused and I strongly believe that it is not wise to jump into conclusion nor follow any recommendation. I think it is not advisable that you base your preference on your current state of attraction. I guess you have to know yourself first and this may take time. Likewise, be very honest with yourself. Don’t rush into establishing relationship with any gender. Learn to wait patiently until you know yourself well and brave enough to admit who you really are.
My wish is for you to be happy and that will come when you are at peace with yourself. Meantime, enjoy your life and all the opportunities coming your way.
Jun 10, 2008
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You are BI… I envy you you enjoy both worlds. Silahis to the core. Ive always fantasized about MMF sex, want one? echos…
Jun 10, 2008
Reply
Migs ayusin mo naman comments section PAti na rin ang traffic sa Edsa. Thanks
Jun 10, 2008
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Oh my. I’ve been having thoughts of these too. But I’ve been bottom and top to my ex bfs already. Is it a point of no return? Hahaha. I’m kind of lazy to get another girlfriend anyway. Besides, being courted by a guy is far better than courting a sleazy biatch.
Jun 10, 2008
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You might be bisexual. I suggest you don’t worry about it. If you feel like banging a man or women, go for it and don’t feel guilty. The best advantage being a bisexual is that you double your chances of getting laid every night.
Jun 10, 2008
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balutan man ng ginto ang Tanso, TANSO PA RIN!
Jun 10, 2008
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i remembered my prof told us wen we are discussing human sexuality..he told us that there is no such thing as bisexual..so maybe there is an 80% w/c says that he is a gay..but this is just my point of view so don`t take it seriously..
Jun 11, 2008
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Uhm that’s okie. I think nasa confusing stage ka lang siguro. Looking yourself, walang masama dun. The answer is in your heart.
Jun 11, 2008
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well… they said…know ur self first..show the people hu u r?be true 2 ur self.,coz u have a freedom if ur true 2 urself,2 ur family and 2 others..for me i dont care what others may think or what they say..the important is ur happy in what decision uve make..and when the times that ur family supports u,..in whatever decisions u may chose…god bless and mag sprite ka na lng face the reality…know ur feelings…and b proud of ur self…observe also what happens to ur environment…in observing u can aquire knowledge and ideas..
Jun 11, 2008
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well… they said…know ur self first..show the people hu u r?
Jun 12, 2008
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I QUOTE; “CHOOSE WISELY”… END OF QUOTE.
TAKE CARE AND BYEEE…..(WHISIER)SEXUAL.
Jun 12, 2008
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POV: You will never really know if you are straight or gay if you haven’t tried having SEX with the same gender! I mean, have you encountered ït? base on your letter, it’s all theoretical. If you were sastified having sex with the same or with a woman without any conviction, by then you will realize of what you really are.
Jun 13, 2008
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i can understand your dilemna. you have an identity crisis and you don not have to be that way. The answer can be found in your own faith in God. you can call 8864441 for more details. They can help get you out of your bisexuality. You do have a choice, contrary to what this society dictates
Jun 14, 2008
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miguel totoo ba yan?! sana naman effective talaga. gusto ko pa maging straight sana. hirap na hirap na ako sa ganitong buhay.
Jun 14, 2008
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i think, you must read the bible more often! it is full of answers!
Jun 14, 2008
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ok lang yan. mas mahirap lang kasi pag
lalaki ka pinanganak sa mundo.. parang bakit mas madali deadmahin pag ang babae pumatol sa tibo?? pag lalaki hindi. pero pwede db? just feel free.
Jun 15, 2008
Reply
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just text them at 09275788373
they’ll be glad to help you.
Jun 15, 2008
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Unless, you try having an intimate contact with both sexes and then choose afterwards which do you really enjoyed most, that’s the only time you’ll gonna know who you’ll gonna be really, like what your preference gonna be and then decide for yourself if you’re gay or not. If you like woman then be it no more guyz and vice versa but if you like both then you’re bisexual, but thats not fair in my opinion but if you’re happy that way then be it, you can’t buy happiness but that’s what you feel deep inside. Happy Pride month to all!!!!
Jun 16, 2008
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this s my first and i hope this make sense to me. Almost identical 10years ago and been keeping this up until now. Rico its a matter of choice discover it. Am not accepted so i remain single and its a hint. Am holding a highest position in our company of 300 men but i remain covert when am working. Outside i do it alone with a close friend. Am happy but often sad bcoz until now am still hiding. Hope i made enlightment.
Jun 17, 2008
Reply
natural lang yan…
eto paliwanag