Hi Migs!
Oh my gosh, I don’t know how to start this…
I’m a straight woman who fell in love with a guy whom everybody thinks is gay. We were together for almost a year and I battled all my friends — straight girls, guys, gays, and lesbians — they all insisted my boyfriend is gay. But whenever we’re together he doesn’t seem gay at all. People were gossiping that he had a gay lover that he kept secretly.
Last year I broke up with him. Then I chanced upon his blogs and network profile and what I saw made me angry and hurt at the same time. He said he wasn’t gay and he loves me. He even claims he will never be in love again.
Right now, I’m in a good relationship with a guy that I’m sure is straight. But sometimes I think of talking to him again and trying to fix our loose ends. But before I do that I want to know —
… how do you really check if a guy is gay?
… is there such a thing as bisexual men?
… if I go back in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend what will be the consequences of a straight woman and a gay guy being together (aside from being jealous to both sexes)?
All my gay friends are positive my ex is gay and I know my friends love me so much but sometimes when I ask them about my ex they wouldn’t answer why they thought he’s gay. They just say “Basta. Obviously.” It leaves me blank. I might sound foolish to you but I just need your unbiased advise.
I know you’re not Dr. Love but I think you’re mature and your being gay makes you the perfect resource person. I read your articles and I’m already a fan. Very witty and straight to the point opinions. No nonsense.
Keep this up!
Thanks! (I know you’ll help me…)
Madame Mercedes
Dear Madame,
You said I’m straight to the point, so I’ll attempt to make this quick to live up to your expectations.
Is your ex-bf gay? Not sure, data you provided is not conclusive. However, per my experience, rumors about a guy being gay, especially if shared by a whole lot of folks, tend to be more true than false. Besides, what made you “angry and hurt” about his blog and network profile? I still say “nothing conclusive,” however if you push me to give a wild guess, I’d say he may likely be gay.
How to check if someone’s gay? There’s no cut-and-dried way to check. It’s not a genitalia you can inspect to say if one’s biological male or female. Only way to really know is to ask, and even if you do that, you can’t be sure if he’s being honest.
Is there such thing as bisexual men? Yes. If he’s the typical bisexual though, he’ll probably have a dominant preference — rarely can you find a real 50-50 guy. In fact, most guys I know who claim to be bisexual are actually gay guys who are afraid to admit the apparently bitter but actually refreshing truth about themselves.
Assuming he’s gay, and you still love him, should you go back to him? No. By doing so, you help the guy be true to himself, at the same time you relieve yourself of the complications such relationship can bring. Girl, there’s just so many straight guys to choose from — why pick a gay guy?
Be happy and world peace!
Migs
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This thing has 55 Comments
awwwww…migz!! lupet ng sagot mo! pang world peace talaga!
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what exactly did you see on his blog that “made you angry and hurt”? you are very vague. in anycase, i always have a problem with people saying things about somebody else without any proof. i don’t think one should say anything at all unless one can show proof. the word “basta” is not proof and is very unfair to ruin somene else’s life based only on perceptions. filipinos are notorius with gossips and put-downs without providing any proof. i don’t think you know or your freinds know him at all, but because of everything that already happened between the two of you, it is best for both of you to move on with your lives. there is such a thing as bisexualism. whether you agree with it or not does’nt really matter. the fact is, some people can make love to both sexes and they will continue to do so whether you understand or not.
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hirap akong mag comment!!!
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sorry, ok na pala!
lupet mo nga migs… basta tama yung kasabihan na “bi now gay later”
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“Is there such thing as bisexual men? Yes. If he’s the typical bisexual though, he’ll probably have a dominant preference — rarely can you find a real 50-50 guy. In fact, most guys I know who claim to be bisexual are actually gay guys who are afraid to admit the apparently bitter but actually refreshing truth about themselves.”=Ouch, bakit ganun? andami ko kakilala claiming they are bisexuals or trippers but they are in fact more effem than I am. (naguguluhan ako) I don’t claim I am bisexual though because I know what I want and I know I am gay. Well, I just have to respect them for that. Kanya-kanyang style siguro…
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If the guy is straight but wishes to be closeted for the rest of his life, why not respect that? In both letters, there is no mention of whether or not the couple are in love with each other. Is the guy in love with Madame Mercedes? Are both of them in love, indeed? Some of you may say, “but there will be complications”. Bakit ang isang straight guy na asawa? Wala bang complications? Mas marami pa nga eh, kung balasubas at mang-iinom siya.
Kahit anong gender ninyo, may problema talagang darating sa pag-aasawa. But for me, love overrides all other concerns.
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migs you’re the best, you can pass off as a big brother hehehe
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NOSEBLEED!
wehehehe… anyway, just wanna ask, anung “social network” nakabilang yung ex-bf nung girl?
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i contest… rare na ngayon ang straight guys… bwahahahahha…
well, totoo naman eh. rare… as in rare…
dati ang tanong, “Mayaman ba yan? mabait ba yan?”
ngayon ang tanong na, “lalaki ba yan?”
hehehe… peace!
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chances are.. hes reading this blog right now
hehe
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Simple lang, itanong mo kung kilala niya yung nag-understudy kay Lea Salonga sa role niya na Miss Saigon nung ginanap ito sa Pilipinas, ‘day, malamang sa hindi, lalaki hanap niyan.
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to mercedes:
hire me… i’ll figure it out for you
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Yes there’s such a thing as a bisexual man. I am a discreet gay guy and I plan to marry a girl and tell her the truth. This time I disagree with Migs, if you fall in love with a gay guy, and he falls in love with you too, then it should not be a hindrance. Love is a force of nature, you can’t really just shut it off. I’m telling you gay guys are the best lovers. (By gay guy I mean someone who gets attracted to the same sex too, or bi, its really hard to label, in this time and age, is anyone ever 100% straight?)
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Why pick a gay guy? If her heart tells her to then why shouldnt she? its like asking a gay guy: There are lots of girls out there, why pick a guy?
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“Girl, there’s just so many straight guys to choose from — why pick a gay guy?”
I thnk it’s not their fault to fall in love. A gay guy can fall in love with a str8 girl and vice versa. The only issue here is that the guy is not honest (if he’s gay). What if he’s really gay but he really loves the girl at tlaga namang nagmamahalamn sila? If true love is what they feel then they should see no gender…at hindi sila magpapadala sa mga sulsol ng kaibigan nila…basta ba during the course of their relationship maging LOYAL at HONEST lang sila walang issue ang nakaraan o kung ano k pa naman… and so yung last line ni migs e masyadong bias…aanhin mo din ang str8 guy kung hindi din naman magpapaka-loyal o honest sa relationship nila…
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dahhh…drama!?!
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well for your question that” r there really a bisexual men?”…my answer would be yes…there is…i know a guy who admitted to me that he is bisexual and i was totally shock since the confessed guy happens to be someone close to me (being of family)…that makes me hurt so much too since i patronize him so much of a big brother that i dont have…bisexuallity comes not in one certain face… there’s a lot of clasification of bisexual…
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baka naman kasi mukhang lalake si madame…
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anne curtis, ikaw ba yan?
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nge!
If you fall in love with a gay guy, ok na yun? Love conquers all? Ano ba yun? Kung nga mga gay guys na hayag na an daming fall out pa rin. Sigh, why does this girl think that anybody has the answers, no offence guys, pero pag love na ang pinaguusapan di ba dapat between the lovers na yun?
O paano na yan kung sabihin ni guy, parang the wedding banquet, I love him, I love her, let’s stay together?
Pwede kasi lahat nang permutations nang love, ang tanong love ba talaga?
Suggestion sister, pakinggan mo yung A fine frenzy, yung buong album. Baka may answers pa dun. (Ooops, baka I may have hurt feelings, sorry ha? )
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haha. parang familiar yung story. may friend ako na mercedes din ang pangalan, may kinekwento siya na ex bf na parang bading daw. Tapos I asked kung ano name. And (small world) nakadate ko yung guy. Nyahahaha. Kung siya rin yung Mercedes na yun, believe me she is H-O-T.
Anyway, ako pa ang nagconfirm na totoo ang tsismis, hindi ko sana sasabihin kaso the guy is a walking conceited a-hole. hehehe
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naku, madame mercedes, nasa sa’yo na yan kung matatanggap mo sya if he’s really gay and if you really love him. kung mahal mo sya, dapat tanggapin mo kung ano sya. ako nga, on my part, i’m a straight-looking guy, and totally discreet. i do have girlfriend now. but i confessed her about my sexuality. alam na nya ang totoo kong pagkatao. unfair nga sa family ko, e dahil sya lang nakakaalam. family ko hindi. pero tanggap na nya ako. pero kahit tanggap na nya ako, may doubt pa rin sya na hindi ako bakla. pero kahit ganun, at least i already told her what really i am. kesa naman malaman nya pag kinasal na kami… o di ba? kaya nasa sayo na yan. bat ka pa magpapaapekto sa iba? hindi naman sila ang pakikisamahan mo habang buhay… kaya lang… sorry ha kung sasabihin ko ‘to… gago rin yang ex mo eh… bat pa nagpapaka-denial pa sya. kung hindi nya maamin sayo ang totoo nyang pagkatao… na malamang ay takot siyang malaman na siya ay isang gay… kung hindi siya honest sa sarili nya… hindi rin sya honest sa relationship nyo.. kaya may point ka rin na hwag mo na lang syang balikan….
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if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck.. hunny, its a duck.
If you need to ask or wonder about ur boyfriend’s sexuality.. then youre already in trouble.
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as long as there’s love then i think that sexuality is not a big deal. hey! - raou_05@yahoo.com
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funny ha!
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I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
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real love should be able to transcend age, race, religion, gender and even sexuality/preference.
as long as it is real and both parties feel the same, whether the bf or gf is gay or bisexual, for that matter, there shouldn’t be any problem about expressing that real love.
of course Honesty would play a big part in it.
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Maniwala ka sa friends mo. At lalong maniwala ka kay Migs…
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“Girl, there’s just so many straight guys to choose from — why pick a gay guy? ” -Migs
Marami kami disagree sa statement mong yan. Siguro gusto mo sayo lagat ng gay guys no? Hahaha. Seriously, I think its unfair to tell a gay/bi/90% straight guy not to fall in love with a girl. Love knows no bounds. Why do people have to label anyway? MADAME I wonder if your ex’s friends and family accused you of being mukhang katulong, would your ex be as concerned as you? I think ang importante lang dun ang minahal mo sya at hindi ang patunayang bakla nga sya.
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1. You cant check if the guy is gay…rumors proved to be more reliable at this point, unless you’re gay and the guy you’re dating claims to be straight, you’ll definitely feel (but who would do that?).
2. Yes there are bisexual men.
3. If you want to stay sane… dont even attempt, but if you really love the person then take the plunge its your life and you know how far you can go when it comes to love.
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Blue has a point there, if you love your ex so much and you want to get back together with him, go and take the plunge. Your friends opinion shouldn’t matter, you are the one who will go in this relationship and not them. However, trust is important in every relationship, and both of you need to establish that trust if you want to have another swing at it. I hope things will work out well for you!
It’s the first time that I visited your site Migs and you have something really great here! Happy Birthday!
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tanong ko lang madamme… gaano ba ka importante sayo na malaman mo ang preference ng ex mo? kasi if it is that important then probably hindi pa ganun kalalim love mo para sa kanya. All you want is to put on a detail na may history yung lovelife mo ng ganun, which I don’t know kung magiging masakit ba sayo o hindi.
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Migs: Why pick a gay guy?
Peppoi: Why not? I’ve have gay friends who are married and having children. Some could really be very responsible.
___________________
My comment on the letter sender though is that I think she’s still in love with her ex. She’s contemplating on going back to him so; so, she has stronger feelings for her ex than her current one.
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Happy Birthday, Migs!!! Hugssss!!!
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mapa bakla man o tomboy ang isang tao ok lang yun its no big deal, sa pilipinas lang nagiging isyu ang mga ganyan dahil marami sa atin ang ipokritot ipokrita, hindi yun ang sapat na basehan para hiwalayan o saktan mo ang taong mahal mo ang pinaka importante sa lahat IS HE A GOOD PROVIDER and A RESPONSIBLE PARTNER sa hirap ng buhay ngayon dina mahalaga ang seksuwalidad ng isang tao, isang oras lang ang libog sa katawan after ng libog whats next? Gutom ka sa tunay na pagkain hahahahaha Kung ayaw ni mercedez sa Gay e di wag, dun sya sa straight busog nga sya sa sex pero iresponsable naman ang partner mo wag nalang, dun kana lang iha sa gay boyfriend after all lalaki parin yan bukod sa dika sasaktan e busog p aang tiyan mo sa pagkain kasi ang isang bakla e good provider at partner. Magagawan naman ng paraan para ma satisfy ka nya sa sex, im not hypocrite but i have sex with many ladies at lahat sila nasarapan at nakarating sila sa langit sa aking performance, sisid marino at pang boom tarat-tarat na performance ko sa kama, idagdag pa roon ang may kalakihang alam mo na yun e talagang masarap magmahal at magpaligaya ang isang bading daw hehehehehe napatunayan kong ang isang gay e pwede palang maging lalake pag ginusto nya.
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just texted mercedes ^_^ ahahaha tama ako siya nga yun ^_^
sabi naman sayo ginamit ka lang nun para may mabalandra sa mga nagtsitsismis sa kanya. ginawa kang props.
sana makaget over ka na sa masamang panaginip mong yun. you deserve to be happy.
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Hi Migs!
Fantastic answer! Just as I expcted from you. A gay friend reads your blog religiously and he texted me “Hoy, gaga, sumulat ka kay Migs?”. I didn’t deny it, ofcourse! I know my email was vague at most points. I felt angry and hurt because I loved him deeply. Modesty aside, I’m not really bad looking and I have my own share of admirers when we were together. But I love him so much. Now that I think about it, I think I loved him because of his feminine side. He’s sweet gestures and funny antics melted my heart. Migs, I even proposed to this guy! I PROPOSED! But he said we should focus on our careers first. That and my ear being bombarded with talk that he’s gay made me call it quits. I believe your advice to let him go. I think my heart had enough, if not more than enough, leading me on and beating for him. I choose to move on. And I than you gays for helping me figure this out.
Happy birthday Migs!
Gay pride rocks!Ü
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Oh and to my friend who read your blog “Mare, I know. I’m moving on na, hokey? Hope to see you soon! You weren’t there when we had a swimming party at Mae’s place kasi eh!”
Again, for Migs…
THANK YOU!Ü
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oo nga parang ang tanga nman nang babaeng yun….wla siyang ka clu clue kung ang bf nya ay kumikendeng? and besides, tama nga naman na wag na kayong mag usap. set him free. let him lead his life. baka nga nman nung kayo pa eh puro sakripisyo at paghihirap ang nararanas nya. let him go out and explore his sexuality. so what if hes gay. wla na nman kayo dibah? okray ka neng.. hindi na maganda yan ginagawa mo sa lipunan. penge nlng ng number ng ex bf mo..para nman ma kilatis. hehehe
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ui migs, happy birthday nga pala…
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“Girl, there’s just so many straight guys to choose from — why pick a gay guy?”
To me this is nothing offensive really. without over analyzing it i know that this simply means…if you think you are not ready for that kind of relationship why bother? move on and stick to a relationship you know you can deal with. but of course at the end of the day…its the strenght of your feelings toward this person will matter. Gender will suddenly be just an illusion.
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i don’t believe in what migs said.. the guy might be guy but he could be bisexual or still at the point of confusion…
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That’s how the girls, (sisters, ates, titas, moms) get different kinds of diseases! Dahil sa mga swingers na yan. That’s why if you must, ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM! If you cant, make sure that your BF has been “analyzed” by all your friends.
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DAVE Patikim naman nung performance mong pag boom tarat tarat.
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Di ba sinabi mo na may BF ka nang bago…..whether gay man ang ex mo o hindi….”you have to move on”!…bakit ka pa magiging apektado ng kanyang sexuality….saka bakit mo pa iniisip ang possibilities na magkabalikan kayo…ibig sabihin ba may doubts ka sa prsent BF mo? kung di man sya Gay at may desire ka na makipagbalikan sa kanya…eh sino ngayon ang mukhang katawa tawa at nagdedecieve sa sarili…di ba ikaw?
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Manay, tigilan na yan. If he’s perceived by many to be gay, chances are they are correct. I’ve experienced that before. I fell in love with someone I thought was straight when everybody already told me “malansa siya”. So I went ahead loving him until one day the bitter truth hit me on the face. Bakla nga siya!!! So what happened?? It took me a long time to get over him (her). Usually we don’t see this gay/not gay issue very clearly because we are in love. My advice: listen to those who know better. Believe me they know better. Forget him, move on, and be happy with whom you are now. Goodluck
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very familiar situation. i have a friend who’s starting to like her co-worker but i always tell her that this guy is gay and she won’t believe coz i don’t have any proof hehe, i just know, like we always do right?
then recently, they went out with another co-worker (rumored to be gay also) then got drunk so they decided to stay in a hotel. she woke up in the middle of the night only to find out that the two guys are comfortably hugging each other while sleeping. maybe because they’re drunk but that situation made her think everything that i’ve told her hehe
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migs bakit ang pangit na ng site mo. mas maganda yung dati, colorful
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Love is not gender biassed!!! You do not fall inlove with a person’s sexual preference, you fall inlove with the person!!! so what if he’s gay, ho loved you nontheless, right?
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I think what gay guys rely on is their gaydar. No one has mentioned that here I think. My apologies if I skipped your message. However, gaydar could be wrong. So many Pinoy gay guys just have this bad habit of expecting the worse from guys who act very refined or laid back. It’s a nasty habit, if you ask me. Rumors and gossips could really hurt innocent people. So I think it is better if the girl finds out about the true sexuality of her ex-BF not rely on unsupported allegations and suspicions.
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comment lang:
we love a person with the thought that love is immeasurable……
there are gays who stays alone for the rest of their lives…there are discreet gays who falls in love with a woman and eventually ends as responsible a father living within the challenges of the society…there are gays living with another man….if you believe in his personal challanges in life…would you be lucky enough if he choose you to live together and stay forever? that’s another meaning of love….no one is perfect in this world…yung straight sexes nga nagkakahiwalay pa e, not even you is perfect….minamahal lang tayo, we only reciprocate whatever love is giving us. Walang smooth relationship kahit sa normal na level ang pag-uusapan, laging may argument pagsisi at panghihinayang at the end, mas masakit kahit straight male and female naghihiway din, they betray each other.. well, mapalad ka pag may ibang nagmahal pa sayo na straight guy. Kung wala,..ganun talaga ang buhay. Realidad yan. Kaya nga may soulmate e…malay mo siya na….siya magpapaligaya syo at di ang kaibigan mo at barkada mo. I love you not only for what you are…..but for what i am when i am with you……paulit-ulit sa imbitasyon ng kasal….basehan ng pag-ibig na may pagtanggap.
Karapatan nila yun…tanggapin kung ano at sino sila sa mga sarili nila ng buong-buo. If i were you, go , love him more kahit discreet gay siya. Lahat tayo abnormal sa mundo. have a nice day! Friends tayo ha….peace!
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I believed that there’s more bisexual men out there that straight.. and people please.. please! respect their decision.. kung ayaw nila mag out in the open eh wag nyo na paki alaman, its none of your business by the way. MIGS, ang question ko lang eh bakit ang mga bading eh galit na galit sa mga closeted gays? paki sagot lang. Im a bisxual guy and I have no plans of getting out kasi Im HAPPYYY being like this and its my choice, kala kasi ng iba dyan eh pag closeted ka eh di ka ngpapakatotoo and sad and life mo compare to them.. Sad thing dyan eh yung mga bading pa ang nag da-down sa mga closeted gays/bi’s actually sila pa yung ngpapa kalat ng chismis most of the times, which actually dapat sila nga yung nkaka intindi right? Mga gays sister paki sagot lang…
To Madame Mercedes, for me cguro Love is formless.. girl, boy, bakla, tomboy ka man.. our heart cannot see gender.. only love so what are you waiting for? go get him quick!
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I agree to disagree with MIGS. Love cannot be confined to one’s sexual preference. Neither it should be seen in the light of our own limited perceptions. In the long run, it is the individual who determines what makes him or her happy and as long as he or she does not hurt anybody, then a relaltionship can be successful. What this girl can do is to talk it out with his ex-boyfriend and to be open to what he will say. Love is acceptance. If he is straight, gay or bi, then he can be a good husband. I do think that if a bi and gay men choose to be husbands, thay can be faithful also. It really depends on the individual’s choice. We cannot put labels on each other. Are gays born to be unfaithful or promiscuous? This is a very bias. And I thought we are working for gender equality. Are we saying that men are born plolygamous by nature? Non Sequitur (It does not follow). So the question of Migs, why pick a gay guy, my answer is why not? I accept that there are so many issues here - love, sex, emotional satisfaction,acceptance, fidelity, family. In the last analysis however, the individual has to determine what makes him or her happy and do whatever in his or her power to give and to live the love one professes. This is true to all. This is true to all genders. This is true to any relationships.
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I don’t think it matters if he’s gay. What matters is that he loves and is faithful to you. Love should be able to transcend even sexual orientation. Besides, if he’s good in bed, then it’s a plus. I think your state of mind right now is that you fear that you might get in love with another closet gay man. That’s why you are so interested in knowing if your ex is gay.
Now that he’s out of your life, then it shouldn’t bother you much. Just find an even more handsome and hunkier guy who loves you, can take of you, and can fuck your brains out.
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Love the post of Dave. Hahaha.
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Merced,…
e anu kung bading bf mo…di ka nman siguro kagandahan (jowklang po!)
e anu? e anu? e anu? di ba yan ang batayan natin para ituloy ang buhay mula bata pa tayo? sa tukso ng kalaro, palo ng guro at busa ng magulang….e anu? e anu? e anu? La lang…..
Basta advise ko lang when you fall in love…see to it that you really falll in love…wag mong lolokohin sarili mo…lokohin ka niya wag lang ikaw ang manloloko sa sarili mo….love has no gender after all…tiyak o di tiyak. He-he-he Have nice day mare!
Manex
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