Hello Migs. I have been a subscriber for a couple of years - in fact, when you started your chat box, we got to chat for a bit. I’m from the Bay Area, you told me you lived here for a while. Well, I finally have reason to write you a letter - the title says it all.
Yes, I have been partnered with “Dee” for 10 years now. He’s an American, a lawyer, divorced twice (he thought he was bisexual, but finally came out gay and wouldn’t have anything more to do with women), and have been told that he has Richard Gere looks. I agree. We met when I was still living in Manila and he was visiting for a conference. It was love at first sight, a la Miss Saigon. But like Chris leaving Kim, he left too - only, he came back a year later.
Over the course of 2 years, when he went back to the US and I continued my life in Manila (I was doing my grad school at UP Diliman while teaching at UP Manila), we had a long distance relationship. We emailed each other everyday, phoned each other weekly, and yes, even had phone sex once in a while. This was 10 years ago. We now live together here in California and have a happy, fulfilled life. I can’t ask for more: Dee is very supportive and understanding; loving and caring. The sex life is great!
Only, we have a 21-year age gap. That really did not bother me at all - it did bother some of my friends. Over the years, because of his background in racial conflict as a lawyer, he knew he had to bridge the age gap if we were to become equal as partners in our relationship. I would say what really helped is that we work together professionally and therefore, we get to see each other not only in the light of our personal relationship but also as two capable individuals in our work sphere. When we met, I was a virgin - yes, believe it or not, I was still a virgin at the age of 27. I fell in love with mostly straight boys and of course, they were all unrequited love. But that’s all in the past - I’m happily partnered with Dee.
And happily involved with Andrew. Just half a year ago, Dee thought that he doesn’t want me to grow old (I’m now 37) and regret that I never had any relationship with other men. He was willing to explore an open relationship - only for me, he himself is satisfied with me as his partner. So, after thinking about it hard (I am no longer a practicing Catholic and therefore, the Catholic guilt is not an issue), I posted an online personals ad. That’s how I met Andrew: a handsome, blue-eyed, blonde 46-year old American psychotherapist; of dancer’s built (he dances, bikes and hikes to keep fit); sweet; charming; and basically, a dream. We started going out together - he knows I am partnered and will always have Dee as my primary partner, but needed to experience having a boyfriend to enrich my personal life. We go out to movies; he takes me to parties; and yes, we have become intimate sexually. All of these Dee knows. In fact, they’ve met already - when Andrew had an art show (he also paints). Andrew thanked Dee for being flexible - and Dee said that he had to be because of the big age gap. They both said it was a warm meeting.
It feels good to be 17 again - and not have the baggage of youth. Also, it feels good to have a boyfriend - and not think of “what if”. I don’t have to worry about the future - I already have the future (Dee) mixed with the present (Andrew). I am enjoying both worlds.
I am not saying this is for everybody, Migs. It is not. And you know what, I think the only reason this works is because Andrew himself is in a committed, open relationship with another man. They have been together for 26 years. How post-modern, don’t you agree? Andrew goes out with me because right now, he and Ty are on a trial separation: they haven’t had sex with each other for the last 10 years. Andrew, in short, is with me in order to satisfy his need for intimacy.
We’ve been going out for a couple of months now - and its still a bliss. I know, like all dreams, I will eventually wake up. And when I do, I know it would be next to Dee - reminiscing my time with Andrew in quiet dreamlike.
Thank you for reading my letter and I hope you can share it with your many subscribers.
Yours,
Ronald
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This thing has 21 Comments
Thank you for your story, Ronald. I have realized that life is so unfair ’cause lucky for you you can have both worlds. I appreciate Dee’s gesture but I fear that would bring you to separation. About Andrew, I still believe that working out the relationship is the best thing to do. But anyways, this is just my viewpoints, still I salute you for having such adventurous SEXUAL LIFE. Fly high GAY LIFE!
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whorish!!!…i mean hooray!!!
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By nature ba hindi tayo monogamous sa sex ?
di ba parang food mahilig sa buffet…..makate lang talaga ang bading.
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@Nympho
Not only gays but all people, bisexuals and straight alike. Monogamy is a social construct. Promiscuity is a sexual mechanism geared towards survival by natural selection through reproduction competition (it doesn’t mean we can’t reproduce with other males that we don’t have the evolutionary instinct to go forth and multiply). And of course, sexual pleasure.
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hephep… hurray!
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ergo, we are economically monogamous, but sexually polygamous. reality bites!
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gosh..this so hell complicated..
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@berserkerzcrit
I like the way u said it. SO, “DARWINIAN”… It’s his 200th Birthday this year. The National British Museum is having an exhibition in honour of him. To ROnald, all the best!!!
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I wish I had even just a fraction of your life, Ronald… Haaay!
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It’s great that both parties are mature enough to have an open relationship, it takes a really forward thinking bunch of people to do it–but why are both of your lovers way older than you, Ronald (if I may address him directly)? Just wondering. I never understood that part about Gaysian life. A lot of Asian-white couples I see are very pedophile-ish ang dating, the white guy looks like the father (worse, lolo) while the Asian looks like the anak or apo. It doesn’t help that Asians naturally look younger than their age while whites look older than theirs. I’m not talking about you as a couple, of course, but in general.
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wow that’s freakishly complicated. no offense man.
like what you said, it’s not for everyone. I don’t think i’d want this.
ang gulo.
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Ronald, time to choose, commit to the lawyer (who loves you-do it before Nov. 4, 2008), or just be single
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pretty neat.
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Loving both of them is breaking all the rules, ika nga’….but who cares?..kung langit naman ang feelings di bah?. You have ur reasons why you should stay with Dee as well as you can’t despise yourself for Andrew.
Well, “the decision is still yours to make Nald”. I know it’s a lil bit difficult. Suwerte mo nga, may nagmamahal sa iyo ng ganyan,(sana ako din?)..
Anyway, above anything else, HE is always there for us, no matter what happens.”GOD IS SO GOOD ALL THE TIME”..(asus jemma ang bakla,,sana nag madra ka na lang)….hahahahaha..
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ronald,
do you mind sending me an email please. after reading your letter, i felt that you can be of help to me. i am dating a 52 y/o scottish guy and i know he is in love with me. i’m 36. i wanna ask you some questions if you don’t mind. you can email me at str8actingbut@yahoo.com
thanks in advance
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i don’t think he is asking for advice. he is just declaring that he likes old, white men and complicated situations.
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I believe, the success of every Gas relationship is, or should be, COMMITMENT!!! I have been through many relationships with same sex and I am now convinced that man-to-man thing is VERY complicated. How I wish I am authoritative to speak out my mind; unfortunately I am just an engineer and have no educational background to put my thoughts in good writing. However, based from my experience, being OPEN and assertive to your boyfriend that you are 101% committed to him as his “partner for life”, you can do things, or allow things, to happen to keep your relationship going. I hate to think that there are factors in every gay relationship oftentimes missing, either from your side, or from your partner; and finding missing things always involves emotions - this is Gay life I believe - we choice to be in this way, we have to live with it. As long as you are committed, and your partner reciprocates, you will always wake up in the morning with HIM by your side…
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kala ko Open-minded wife ung sumusulat. a lady involved with a gay man, then having affair with another gay man. babae na napapalibutan ng mga bakla. RONALD pala ang pangalan. HAHAHAHAHA. LOL
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kala ko Open-minded WIFE ang sumusulat. Married to a gay guy, then having an affair with another gay guy. Ano ba to, babaeng napapalibutan ng senior judings. Sa huli, Ronald pala ang pangalan. HAHAHAHAHAHA. LOL
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inspring naman yun!!!! heheheh ganda ng kwento nya….. i like!!
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I wonder…Dee’s gesture, is it selfless enough? How about you Ronald, how far will your selflessness go for Dee?
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