You Had Me at Heller
“You had me at Hello.” In gay parlance, “You had me at Heller.”
This famous line actually came from the movie “Jerry Maguire” starring Tom Cruise. Just to refresh your memories…
Listen to the lines:
Jerry Maguire:
… our little project, our company had a very big night — a very, very big night. But it wasn’t complete, wasn’t nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn’t share it with you. I couldn’t hear your voice or laugh about it with you. I miss my — I miss my wife. We live in a cynical world, a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors.
I love you.
You — complete me.
And I just had –
Dorothy:
Shut up. Just shut up.
You had me at hello.
You had me at hello.
I’ve had only 2 partners in the past. My first relationship lasted a year, and my second lasted 3. I look back and notice that for those two instances, if I count how much time it took for me to decide to commit myself to the relationship (counting from the moment I first met my to-be partner) — I have the same answer: less than 24 hours.
In short, they really had me at heller. It seems that the mechanism for determining whether I like the person as a partner or not is almost instantaneous.
Am I weird that way, or is it something common among us gay guys? How about you dear readers — based on your experience, are you the type who gradually develop a feeling towards your to-be partner, or are you like those (I included) who pretty much know in a jiffy whether or not a person is a potential match?
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March 5th, 2007 at 7:43 am
It starts with physical attraction. Then the rest follows. Time will tell if you’re a match. However, on very rare circumstances, there’s that MAGIC- the line spoken in ‘Sleepless in Seattle’. On the very first instance, you feel a different vibes about the person. Someone you met for the first time but it seems you’ve known him forever. But for the average guy, it usually takes time to develop. Sometimes, your best friend is exactly the perfect person for you as a partner. You can really never tell, it takes time. And the common glitch, ‘Love is Blind’.
March 5th, 2007 at 10:55 am
yep! it’s not weird to be attracted at the very first moment you met someone you established a connection with. have you read the book “blink” by malcolm gladwell? it’s a good book about how our snap judgment can revolutionize the world around us. i have not been in a same-sex relationship yet, and i had two serious girlfriends before (maybe i’m too jaded that i’m considering to have a homo-partner, hahahahha!). and yes, my two ex-gf, had me at hello…
March 5th, 2007 at 10:59 am
i’m probably somewhere in the middle. i always give it a shot especially when a person is attracted to me. i’ve been to countless relationships, none of them worked the way a “real” relationship should be. though some lasted for months, none of them were serious on my side. and my “histories” would probably disagree if i will say that ours were nothing but wasted times of embracing the benefit of the doubt. u know what i mean? i was never committed because in those failed attempts, none turned out to be a “potential match”. a lot will disagree but i dunno, maybe i’m just either too innocent or too open-minded.
March 5th, 2007 at 11:09 am
no luis..its not being jaded..it’s finding yourself in this uncompilcated world of ours which you chose to complicate..:)i think i’m in love with you na..:)
March 5th, 2007 at 11:59 am
We met in a moviehouse, you know what i mean, i left him without saying goodbye after the hand job, two days later he saw me at the mall, approached me and says “hello!, do you still remember me,the guy in the movie house?”. After that we date, we became partners, to date, after 10 years, we’re still partners. We have our ups and downs, but we don’t give up. Maybe if not with that “hello” i won’t take the chance to have him in my life.
March 5th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
ang dami niyo namang ek-ek at mga choo choo .. aminin niyo na kasi na pinangunahan kayo ng libog!!!! ay naku! as if naman hindi kalibugan ang naramdaman niyo ng unang makita niyo si papa niyo. im sure nangalembang kalembang ang mga kampana niyo sa pagitan ng inyong hita!
ay shet! maka-alis na nga! masyado kayong madrama! lech!
March 5th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
I guess this question reminds me of the old relationship question: Is it love or lust? For men, both gay and straight, hormones rule. It is the stuff that motivates us to seek out that someone we find attractive. And attraction can cover a variety of physical attributes or it can be someone’s status in life such as money or power, and for some it can be intelligence. While the initial attraction or emotions we feel for someone can be very wonderful, it has nothing to do with love and will most likely fail in the long run. How can we be truly in love with someone when it is all based on the physical attributes? In other words, you don’t really know the person. Sexual attraction or lust can’t be sustained for a very long time. The human brain simply gets tired and stops producing all the chemicals after a while – the chemical soup that keeps us feeling the euphoria of being in “loveâ€. Don’t get me wrong, lust or physical attraction or any kind of attraction is a precursor to a more loving relationship, and it is the loving relationship that can last a lifetime. So, to answer Migs question – it is indeed possible to fall for someone almost instantaneously. The main difficulty however, is that once you are in this stage (romance or infatuation stage), it is very difficult to determine whether you are in love or in lust. The very important factor as to whether the initial relationship with someone will develop into a truly loving relationship, is compatibility. Very often when a couple breaks-up you hear the expression from one or both: “It is like I didn’t know him at all†or “It is like waking up and finding a stranger beside meâ€. Compatibility on other levels other than the physical or what is obvious is very necessary if a long, loving relationship is what you desire.
March 5th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Ang hirap naman ng tanong! Basta ako libog muna, pag pasado sa road test (kama) G0! Relasyon agad, pag ayaw, GO ulit, hanap ng iba.
March 5th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
hi migs,
i’ve been reading your post for weeks now and i must admit i am hooked. it’s lovely written and the photos are just truly eye candies. however beyond bulges, there is another issue that I thought we should be concerned of as responsible members of the ‘third sex’. and that is the efforts by some of our brothers and sisters to seek political representation for gays-lesbians-transgenders-bisexuals. i think we should support them by all means possible. the history of our identity has always been one of constant struggle and whatever space we have achieved that enables the becoming of our beings is largely because of that struggle. at the moment, an organisation called ladlad and a person by the name of danton remoto is pushing for the political representation of glbt. it is not an easy ride for them, if you read what the news are reporting. they’re about to be disqualified. it is high time that we should support these efforts and protect our rights as responsible citizens for we are no ordinary minority. we are everywhere. we bring joy, warmth, fun to an otherwise dreary existence. so if you may will you incite your readers to support this worthy cause?
ciao.
March 5th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Probably same as you had me at heller with matching smile and glittering eyes… in my history book… I fell that way on 3 occassions, which those 3 occassions gave me the best feeling of love and affection, and gave me death stricken, celia rodriguez mamatay ka sa sama ng loob heart ache. Maybe thats how the world works, that if its a match then its a match…. well that excludes One night stands, since that is just libido running, and yes there is emotion (if ever someone retaliates with this comment of mine) yes there is emotion in one night stand it could be revenge, sadness, loneliness, confusion but the steep of it all is libido… anycase….. compatibility encompass all plains of appeal ie: physical, mental, intellectual ( promise this is important), then theres you usual: personality and societal graces… In any effect its our own desires that dictates which is a match for us… or sometimes it just develops…
you may have heard of this
BOY dates GUY
GUY not GWAPO but NICE
BOY not INTRESTED but entertained GUY none the less
NEW GWAPO GUY COMES IN
BOY SAW GWAPO GUY AND LEFT
Lesson of the story : Nowadays, everything is superficial!!! Sad isn’t it?
March 5th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
siguro dahil nakaraos na ko sa pagpapakapokpok kaya din lampas na ko sa haller. i mean, there was a time when sex to me was just that, sex. it was almost like a bodily function that just needed to be addressed.
and when i was past the point of going to bed to find myself a lover, i just went to bed and eventually bumped into one i wanted to see more than once, someone i eventually wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
that’s when i knew it was different. kasi kung sex lang, nakuha ko na. but i wanted more.
March 5th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
whether it is pure lust or not, we can not deny the fact that there is a snap judgment in us to get to know a person whom we see as a potential partner in the future. instantaneously, there’s a “blink” and we are too stupid to ignore that. after the “you had me at hello” encounter, there’s a lot of endless possibility…
@kris aquino: crush ko talaga si kris aquino. and yep, i do believe that i’m too jaded that i am having a hard time to court someone. my past keeps on hunting me… i’m still confused with my life. can someone help me?
March 6th, 2007 at 1:01 am
I love you, anton maton. Name pa lang, tinamaan na ako ng libog.
March 6th, 2007 at 2:06 am
as for Kaleena, it’s a case of “I had you at maton”
March 6th, 2007 at 7:16 am
I have been in a relationships for a few times. It only lasted for months. But im happy that i tried. It made me the person i am now. More loving, understanding and forgiving. I became open for the possibilities. With these, i think i am more mature in terms of relationships. And im praying that one of these days i will find my other half…..
March 6th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Mine is a 9 year relationship. You may not believe it but it doesn’t started as a sexual thing. I am not even attracted to him physically and neither was he. It is my first and only serious relationship. The sex part came when we are already comfortable being with each other. Like all relationships we struggled during the first three years but age comes with maturity, now we just enjoyed being together. It may not be the most ideal of any relationship but we tried to live up to our concept of what a relationship should be. Unfortunately one of us has to leave, so what we have right now is a long distance realationship, it’s hard but we’re coping, despite the expense and the long travels, we still see to it that we see each other twice a year. Hopefully, this will last even longer. I am trying to convey the message that we can have an ideal relationship in a not so ideal situation. If we just know how to respect one another and give love unconditionally despite all odds anything is possible……
March 6th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Hi wrestler, wanna wrestle?
March 9th, 2007 at 7:37 am
All I know is: love is very cool when it happens!
May 9th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Hi naku, I met this gay guy who is extremely cute, and very intelligent, magnacumlaude when he was in Pre-Med and cumlaude when he finished Med-school. The setting is holland park, central London it was a meeting of fucking geniuses, unfortunately I guess I was lost and I find myself there, thinking pano ako napunta ron. I couldnt down myself din naman, Im the cutie type din naman pero not the cute type na pagsisikapan mong tignan ng ikatlong beses, maximum na siguro yung dalawa. I met this guy na mejo rustic ang pag ka handsome, ganda ng mata, perfect ang ilong and there is something really between the ears. I had a relationship with him and it all started with of course the word “HELLO” din to cut the story short Hello was followed by a cafe mocha with whip cream on top, and then for one year na realized ko, every nite wini–whip cream na nya ang pukepwet ko. I had a very stormy relationship with him for a year, but to my surprise those fuckin 12 months was the definitive stage in my life, I learned about myself and I learned about Love and the sad part of LETTING Go, to cut the crap, he has to go back to the Philippines and syempre di na pinalampas ng mga bakla ang beauty ng aking bf at yun, for all I know baka naka one night stand nyo na tong cutie na bulinggit na to, until now we communicate and we become best friends, siguro ako lang yung nagtuturing na best friend sya, pero until now kahit wala na yung feelings ko sa kanya, i still care for him, kahit na alam ko na lahat ng kasamaan ng ugali niya, still at the back of my mind, im still hoping na he will come back, not necessarily as partners or boyfriend, but the same cute guy who said the sweetest hello to me, that made me come out of my CLOSET…
lonelycamguy