“It’s okay to be who you are.”


We learn from what we read, we learn from our own experiences, and we learn too from other people’s experiences. May this feature speak to you of acceptance and celebration of who you truly are. (And may I just say, “Ayan, makinig kayo sa lola ninyo!”)

* * *

In the September 3 issue of Newsweek, an 88-year-old woman living in Orange County, Southern California writes about her secret gay lovelife, and thus comes out in the open. After spending 44 years with her life partner, Loraine Barr finds the courage to go public with their relationship, and wrote the essay “The Love That Will Finally Speak Its Name.” Touching.

Very touching too is this soundbyte with Ms. Barr relating how her mother on her deathbed accepted her for who she really is, ultimately saying “I understand now. It’s okay to be who you are.” Listen:

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Photo credit: Amanda Friedman for Newsweek
Audio excerpt from: OC Register

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18 Responses to ““It’s okay to be who you are.””

  1. jimg29 Says:

    Isn’t it ironic that even in deathbed commpassion and understanding is the essence of life? The mother pulled no punches after her daughter held no BARR…admirable!

  2. Ian Says:

    this is beautiful. thanks, migs :)

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Haay. Kuya Migs, alam mo minsan yung blog mo gives so much confusion sakin. Sabi ko before, “yup, sure, I think I’m gay, but I’ll try to live out a straight life… its the right thing to do, plus I already have a girlfriend, so no hassle on looking for a partner, even a gay one at that.” Pero ngayon, I think I’m falling for one of your readers. Ang talino kasi ng utak, kaiba magisip. Pero pano na yung unang decision ko… I’m not saying that I might pursue or look for a gay relationship right now, pero amfness… bakit iba nanaman… opposite poles nanaman ang ihip ng hypothalamus at cerebral cortex ko.

    Haay, bakit pa kasi pinanganak tayo na ganito… hehehe.

  4. jimg29 Says:

    hi anonymous, acting str8 with gf is huge conundrum especially when u can’t find a spot to stand on. ur brain is fine but can u deal with ur conscience 4 da rest of ur life? don’t blame, instead celebrate ur genes, whatever would make u happy…only then u wood be at peace and unbothered!

  5. bananachoked Says:

    Pi birthday migs!!!

  6. raymund gerard Says:

    hi there
    ive been following your blog for quite sometime now.
    this is the most beautiful post ive read.
    thank you for sharing with us.

  7. raymund gerard Says:

    truth be told, there are many things i want to say and share. and I think your blog has been a melting pot of sorts for various incarnations of people like us. congratulations on this blog, i guess it started out as a hobby for you but now—youve transcended and become something larger than life.

  8. Migs Says:

    @Raymund Gerard - thank you for the kind words. This blog started out as an experimental personal project. And now, not because of me but because of the community that has since gathered around MGG, it has become what it is now. People like you who willingly and generously share ideas, opinions, and learnings here are the ones that really make this blog special. Mabuhay kayong lahat, MGG friends!

  9. raymund gerard Says:

    i can soo relate with ms. barr. i work in an industry which ironically is peopled by many amongst us. but, its an industry thats quick to turn against us and our lifestyle.
    im not one to normally make a spectacle of myself, but there are times when i just want to not have to deny myself, or who i am and who i love—just because im afraid for my career or the reaction of others in my family or friends who dont know.

    you know migs—and to everyone out there who seems confused or emotional about the whole ” gay acting ” vs paminta types dialectic—it really isnt so tough to understand if you think about it. i just see it the way i feel it should be seen—its an assertion and at the same time an acceptance of the lack thereof—of our individualities. whether boy or girl, stratight or gay—we all can be soft and limpwristed, or tough and macho. whether we act softy or toughy isnt necesarily a function of who we screw or who we love—its a function of how we really feel inside.

  10. raymund gerard Says:

    then migs (i dont mean to be so casual–i dont really know you so normally id address you with mr. (insert real surname here) but as someone who is also not so ready yet to share his true identity with the public, migs, will have to do for now. hehehe. as i was saying, migs, let me add:
    the kind of community that has mushroomed from your experimental project is a very vibrant community of brilliant, talented, sophisticated gentlemen with hearts more decent than a lot of other people in this planet. the kind of responses youve gotten–from your most carnal of posts to the most intellectual ones—breaks the stereotypes about us—that all we should do should be confined to the cosmetic and fashion arts. you should be very proud for being the steward of the beacon of that community–the most faithful steward it can have at this time and place.

  11. dyan Says:

    @Anonymous – i’m exactly in the same situation. ok naman ang relationship sa girlfriend ko but i’m also strongly attracted to a reader here whose previous posts i really admire. hindi ko type ang manga models at actors kasi walang brains at walang education; very boring. but the person i’m attracted to here is smart, educated, confident, strong but socially conscious and (according to a reader who have seen him in person) gorgeous. a complete package of a man - that is difficult to find and resist. natatakot ako kasi very unexpected ang feeling nga ito. i was not looking for it.

  12. Isaribi Says:

    napakaganda naman ng essay… parang gusto ko tuloy umiyak…

  13. gharyjohn Says:

    it’s been a year since I moved to New York . living here gave me a whole new perspective of being gay. I was quite surprised that my company, an interntionally renowned auditing firm, has LGBT support group in all offices across US. And the leaders of the support groups are top managing partners. During the Gay Pride Parade, you can see LGBT groups from big companies such as PEPSI. With the acceptance of sexual preferences in the workplace, it would be easier for us to work with officemates and you wouldn’t feel threatened that the management will take your sexuality against you for your career growth. And I dont need to mention how the gay nightlife is here in the Big Apple. It’s every gay’s ultimate party spot!

  14. Anonymous Says:

    @jimg29 - hi thanks, I totally agree with your take on this great shenanigan of mine… but really, its easier said than done. I’ve contemplated all possible options…but how do you actually get all the courage to do the “right thing” or can you really tell which is right or which is wrong?

    @dyan - hahaha… a beautiful mind… plus a bonus of physical hotness. yeah, temptation is just around the corner, ready to confuse us mere mortals. As one reader of this blog once said… its all about choosing where you’d find happiness… but unfortunately, I really don’t know where I’d be happy. Fear for a lot of things can devour our ability to be logical and true to ourselves. The what ifs are seemingly endless… what to do? what to do? its really hard to fight what the heart dictates… specially if your heart involuntarily gears towards that (forbidden) person… while your gf hold tightly to you while selflessly and wholeheartedly loving and making you happy. You’d just want to ask… what better thing to do… hurt her? or hurt myself? and suddenly you find yourself hurting yourself fearing of hurting others. (sabi nga, what others don’t know won’t hurt them… (cont.) only yourself). hahahahaha… crazy crazy life.

  15. Anonymous Says:

    sorry migs, padelete nlng nung first na na dobleng post ko… hehe

  16. jimg29 Says:

    @anonymous, If u really agree on what I’ve told u theres no point 4 explanation, is there? But it seem to me u hop on the wrong bus to justify ur excuse choosing all da options in vain. Knowing right fr wrong is in itself ur conscience speaking. ergo whatever u opted and whatever it is and ur ok with it would give u peace of mind. That’s how being true to oneself play into this whole shenanigans.

  17. Kunwari Anonynous Says:

    We are what we are. A confused friend told asked me if being gay is a choice. Sabi ko naman, you dont choice to be gay. You dont wake up one morning and tell yourself “I want to be gay today.” Either you are or you are not. The only choice you’ll make is to accept what you really are. Ayun, in denial pa rin siya til now.

  18. Kunwari Anonynous Says:

    ay lecheng post. puro grammatical errors. syet. kahiya. hahaha.

    eto ayusin ko. take two:

    “We are what we are. A confused friend asked me if being gay is a choice. Sabi ko naman, you dont choose to be gay. You dont wake up one morning and tell yourself “I want to be gay today.” Either you are or you are not. The only choice you’ll make is to accept what you really are. Ayun, in denial pa rin siya til now.”

    nasobrahan kasi ko ng magagandang pix. hehe.

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