To Chat or Not To Chat
He-he-he! Now on to the real topic of this post…
Even with a partner/boyfriend, would you still go to bi/disreet/gay chatrooms?
One evening, I was having coffee with a gay friend who brought along his partner. They have been living together for 4 years already. In the middle of the conversation I found out they were still, each on their own, chatting with other folks in gay/bi/discreet chatrooms like guys4men, Yahoo, etc. That was a big surprise for me. Excuse my being Maria Clara, but isn’t that tantamount to being unfaithful? They said they were there “just to meet new friends.”
In another instance, this time in Bassilica Bar in Malate, I was with another set of friends, including this gay couple who told me the same thing — that they, each on their own, still go to guys4men to “just chat” with other PLUs.
I thought this would be a good mental exercise for me — to ponder on this negative reaction and get to know which part of my value system goes berserk as these stories are told. Maybe I’m too conservative? That my idea of gay relationship is too square? Too hetero-like? Help me out, I’d be interested to know other people’s thoughts.
What do you think?
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November 8th, 2006 at 11:49 am
sure is it tantamount to cheating. but wait, cheating with consent? well, if it works for both worlds, why not.
this is kinda different story but i had an chat-episode with a college guy who goes to the same school where athan, my boyfriend, studies. in fact they belong to the same department.
the guy was kinda smart that he went to weave just right, putting everything in place, the “clues” i gave out about athan.
kung tutuusin, buking na ako but afraid about disclosing athan’s identity, i kept on with my denial about him through and through.
i did not know that the guy was already texting athan about our conversation. to make the story short, athan learned about it and a rather emotional confrontation ensued between us.
later, athan told me that the guy was kinda good looking. hot, in fact.
but yeah…i cheated.
November 8th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
naughty bananas. but that happens to the best of us. you were unlucky that you got caught. but as they say, learn from the experience… hehehe. advice giver daw ba? hehehe! seriously, thanks for sharing your story here, bananas!
November 9th, 2006 at 4:00 pm
Seloso type ako. Mga kaibigan nya nga lang ang nagtetext or nagchachat sa kanya nagseselos ako, what more pag mga PLUs na interested sa kanya. Kahit plain chat and text lang, NO THANK YOU.
If he will ask my persmission, I wont allow him to chat or to meet new friends intentionally…. well kung gawin nya behind my back, that’s a big problem pag nabuli ko sya.
I’m faithful, very faithful, I will never cheat.. That’s why I dont want na niloloko ako…
November 10th, 2006 at 11:54 am
HI migs, pinoy living in sri lanka here.
I love your entries about gay relationships. This post is perfect for what im going through at the moment. My boyfriend of 9 months now is very ‘popular’ and he gets calls and txt’s all the time from guys and i dont like it one bit. We had a huge fight over it a couple of months back and since then he said he wont take any action when he gets those calls and txt’s, also he’s given me permission to go throiugh his phone anytime i want. But still he gets very explicit txt’s from guys all the time and it just makes me so effing insecure. arrrghhh…. im always thinking that he’s hooking up with people behind my back. Im very faithfull and i really hope he is too. Anywayz keep up the good job!
November 10th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Ghel and Bugoy - thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your comments make me feel so happy I put up this site - not only do I enjoy posting stuff, I enjoy more the interaction that goes on. On this post’s topic, I guess there really should be some kind of balance, or shall I say “tamang timpla” between trusting your partner and cutting the source of temptation. i don’t believe in just fully trusting, or completely cutting all possible sources of temptation. wow this comment is so long it feels like a post in itself. again thanks guys for sharing your thoughts here!
November 10th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
I’m lucky kasi yung BF ko is pansinin talaga, malakas ang sex appeal, may magandang mukha, in short jackpot ako, heheheh. Pag naglalakad kami ang daming tumitingin sa kanya, lalo na mga bis and gays… in some point natutuwa ako kasi aba may kasama akong gwapo and BF ko pa, sabi ko sa sarili ko.. sorry na lang kayo, sa akin na sya..
Pero at the same time, may insecurity kang mararamdaman, what if makakita sya ng mas higit sa iyo, kung baga, he do not need to make an effort to get somebody… marami na kasing lumalapit sa kanya..
Ang daming nagtetetext and nag mimiscall.. nakakairita. Kasi nag gygym sya sa isang well-know gym center, so ang dami nyang nakikilala, eh ang dami kayang gays and bis dun…imagine ang dami mong karibal, hehhe. Lagi din naming pinag aawayan yan, one of our major fights.. he said trust him daw and he doesnt reply to those text or calls. Sabi ko gumawa ka ng paraan para di magtext or mag miscalls yung mga yan… dont entertain, dont give your numbers to strangers.
AND HE DOES NOT ALLOW ME TO TINKER WITH HIS PHONE!
Well lets see..
November 10th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
you are correct ghel, having a “habulin” bf is both boon and bane. now, why does your bf give out his number? and then he does not want you to tinker with his phone? i wouldn’t say your suspicions are baseless. don’t get me wrong, i don’t want to pre-judge your bf, i’m just saying that if you feel insecure, there are some substantiating factors that back it up. lastly, trust can’t just be ordered like a chickenjoy or big mac. it is earned, sometimes through long and thorny roads.
November 10th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
Actually before I met him, ganyan na yung ginagalawang mundo nya. Dati bigay ng number kung kanikanino , friendly kasi sya, super bait pa..etc.. Kasi akward naman kung di mo ibibigay number mo sa mga gymmates mo diba?
I mean dati pilyo sya, but now he is committed, di daw sya manloloko (sana nga). Syempre yung mga makukulit na bis/gays eh text pa rin ng text, also di nya naman sinasabing committed na sya.
Lagi ko rin syang kasama. I trust him, ayaw nya lang pinapakialaman yung phone nya. Pero minsan, out of his knowledge, I tinker with his phone, so far wala naman akong nakikitang hindi maganda… even sa sent times.. hehheh (but of course pwedeng “malinis” na).
As for now, di naman na ako ganun ka insecure, I trust his words. Saka kinukwento sya sa akin yung mga tumatwag at nagtetext pag nagtatanong ako…
But again, once na nahuli ko sya.. GOOD BYE!!!!! Kawalan nya rin ako. Saka syempre I keep records (like cellphone numbers ng mga suspecious texters/callers) and monitor him from time to time. So far, mukhang wala naman talaga akong dapat ikabahala…. ako lang din minsan gumagawa ng sarili kong multo..
December 26th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
i guess the topic was about going to chatrooms even if you are in a relationship. most of the comments/replies are about their lovers indiscretion with other guys. guys they meet not only on chat…
im 39 y/o with a 6 year relationship with a 31 year old, and yes i still do chat at g4m. but i know where to set limits, no SEB/EB. occasional sex show on cam yes i do.
i even taught my lover how to webchat and allow him to go to g4m/yahoo/irc as well. the same with me, there are limitations.
i used to think that i cannot allow sumthin like this before our relationship started. masyado rin ako idealistic before. but u guys should open your eyes to this realities. and didnt u notice, those who admit about chats are the ones in long term relationship?
for u guys who think otherwise, that relationships are supposed to be strictly monogamous, you will know when you meet the person who u will stay with for keeps.