The Promise
When we got back to Manila, we had a lengthy discussion about what happened. He asked me point-blank if I have other intentions for him other than being best friends. I denied it to death of course since, despite the fact that I would now fantasize about him, I really really honestly do not want everything to get into the next stage. Yes, you might want to say that I am just in denial stage – no, that’s not true, I know I am bisexual, but I don’t want to ruin my friendship with my best friend. He looked mad, very disappointed, but in the coming days we would still hang out together, stay on the same bed, BUT, always with the condition that I would not kiss him again. He would always remind me that he would like to be with me only if I do not kiss him in lips.
The Hard-On
One day though, I couldn’t keep the promise. He was struggling a bit, but suddenly I found myself kissing him again and opening his shirt and kissing his breast…that was the first time that I felt he had a hard-on because for all the times that we were together, he never had a hard-on. Ako naman, I would always have it even if we would just pee together. No matter how physically close we were (literally), he never really gotten ‘hard’, if you know what I mean. And that explains why I am curious about him – if he’s gay, the closeness itself would make it happen to him right? After all, we would embrace each and sleep together and he would be on top of me (usually just to rest, nothing else), and so on…anyway, just trust me that you would have it if you were in his place. Going back to the story, after I touch his dick, I started to zip his pants down, but he suddenly held my hand back and pushed me away. He was mad, very very disappointed, and he started asking me again if I am gay. These are not acts that best friends do, right? He asked me many times.
“I am not gay.”
For a month, I would apologize to him and, to cut the story short again, we would get back to our normal selves – resting together, hanging out in some good restaurants in Makati, and hugging each other. I had to convince him though many many times that I am not gay that, yes I may not be typically male, but at least I am not sexually drawn towards men. Since then up to now, everything is normal and I am very happy that it is. I’ve always tried to forget about my physical attraction because it feels really good that our friendship is “pure” (please don’t judge me because of this, I know the ramifications of this word) because that’s how he wants it to be. However, every time I am with him, I would really make things that hopefully will make him do “it” as well. All the things that a “normal” gay person would fall into did not work really – he’s not interested in my dick at all, to put it bluntly, although we would embrace each other tightly if given the chance.
Questions. Questions. Questions.
Perhaps he’s gay but he’s not attracted to me physically? Puede ba yun? But he is also willing to do things that are not “normal” among straight male best friends. Would straight male best friends hug each other inside the room? This should be qualified, of course, with the fact that it’s me who’s always doing the first motioning. If I wouldn’t do it, he wouldn’t. If I would not ask him to come close to me in bed, he would not do it; I would sometimes pull one of his feet up so that it would cross over my body. On my part, it feels really good if he’s close to me. I can’t just say it’s pure gay love. I really consider him as my best friend and I wouldn’t want to lose him just because he knows I am gay. I know he loves me, but what I can be sure of is he cares for me as his best friend. Aside from that incident when he got ‘hard’ there was never a time when he had another one – and that made me think – why wouldn’t he have one when he’s on top of me for an hour and we would rest that way? Am I really that sexually unattractive such that he wouldn’t feel anything sexual towards me during those times?
I don’t think I am an aberration but, as I earlier mentioned to you, I trust you on this. I just need someone (or a few people who can email me with frank and non-judgmental answers) to “talk” to me. Opening up to the world and tell everyone I am gay is definitely not an option. I am very with my family and I love them tremendously. They are my future. I can always live with this kind of situation because I have always lived this way!!
But I just want to know about my best friend. I love the fact that he has stories with women before and that he is also very loyal to his wife. But perhaps this is something that even makes me agitate more towards him? What do you think?
Tondomanila
MGG readers, feel free to share your mind with fellow reader Tondomanila.
[Photos in this post were inserted by me, and are not part of Tondomanila's email.]
Possibly Related Posts:
- Love, Respect, and Dignity Here is a letter from Marc, an MGG reader, that...
- Falling in Love with A Straight Guy Here is a letter written by a fellow Pinoy gay...
- Gay Man’s Unrequited Love “If he tells you he’s straight, forget him. Even if...
- “I’m 17, and I’m new here today…” Lea Salonga’s introductory song in the phenomenal Miss Saigon reverberated...
- Gay Man - Straight Man Friendship Hello gay men populace, do you have a close friend...
Pages: 1 2
This thing has 93 Comments
Hi TondoManila,
I also have the same situation as yours, I fell in love with my best friend. He knew I was gay but he didn’t knew at first that I loved him. When he found out, we talked about it and we agreed to stay as bestfriends nothing else. You should talk to your bestfriend about this.
[Reply]
ay oo nga, parang be transparent with your bestfriend. from what i’ve understood, di mo pa nasabi na ur a bisexual to your bestfriend. malay mo he might understand your situation, then would be willing to give u ur “needs”…and even if he’s still not willing to give/do “it” to you, at least wla ka nang tinatago sa kanya kasi eventually he’ll know about it anyway…
…sana nkatulong ako
[Reply]
Ciempre alam na niya na bading ka, hinawakan mo na nota e, ni lips2lips mo pa… baka siya lang ang hindi pa maka adjust sa inyong dalawa, kariririn mo pa at konting tutorial, bibigay di yan.
[Reply]
hey dude!
I totally know how you are feeling…it is not easy what you’re going through.
I went through the emotions and have survived it.
Just to give you an example how terrible it was…i almost gave up my faith for a guy whom i thought i loved.
So many sleepless nights and almost got dehydrated from crying, but the most difficult part was being alone…no one to stay beside you.
You have everything now…a loving family
is true treasure…don’t loose it!
Your sexuality in not an issue, don’t get mix up.
Your lust for a person or an object is just a big NO NO…it will destroy everthing..it is not listed as one of the 7 capital sins for nothing.
What i did was to let go, disengage, volt out…no other way!
It is not easy i must warn you, but i believe that the pain will surely strenghten you…
If he is really your friend deal with him as such, no more no less.
Regardless of religion the world has just one rule…to do what is right and not to make things right for you just because you want it to.
Have a nice life coz deserve it!
[Reply]
have a courage to tell him about your desire and that you are bisexual. The truth will set you free.
[Reply]
i also have best friend which is straight that he know that im gay … im also in loved with him but we didnt have a chance to be as colourfull like your sotry… and im so afraid to tell that i loved him cause of the reason na mawala sya sa akin !!!!!!!!!!!!! ganda ng story heheheheheh!!!!!!!!! nakakakilig hehehehehhe
[Reply]
in love with the BEST FRIEND?!?!?! how familiar, been there and now i’m going through it again…
I am still in the closet, though I have always been accused of being gay, no one can prove it anyway…
madali akong madevelop sa mga kaibigan ko… there was this one friend in college (si Virgo)na we also reached a point that we text each other I LOve YOU… but I guess I’ll never find out if he meant it because we’re not talking anymore .
then i had this best friend in high school (si Sagittarius), until graduating na kami sa college best friends kami, i have loved him for so long and was afraid i might lose him if he found out that I did everything from taking care of him every chance I get to even solving problems he has with his girl friends… Then one night, when he slept over, I woke up in the middle of the night na nasa loob ng briefs nya kamay ko… ‘yun na ‘yun… may nangyari… he wanted me to come out, sabi ko ayaw ko. he has kept my secret till now, we continued fooling around, paminsan-minsan for two years. then he had to leave. Niligawan pa nga nya ako, we even had a code for ILOVEYOU para hindi mabuko may makabasa man ng messages namin, but somehow I felt na medyo nawala na respeto nya sa akin, maybe i’m being paranoid, but we fell apart…
then just last december, we had a get together, late ako dumating. before i arrived, my former classmates were teasing one of my closest friends (si Scorpio) that I had an LQ with Virgo and that he (Scorpio) was my next target… I was common among our peers to call each other gay… It’s something that the people taking our course has become accustomed to. but not Scorpio, he is just too serious. well he says he doesn’t believe I’m gay, but he just hates it when people pairs him with another guy; and to avoid hearing such comments, he suggests we keep our distance for a while.
then now, here’s CAncer, also a friend since high school. classmates din kami sa college. On and off attraction ko sa kanya but right now, On na ON!!! he had an experience with a classmate dati, he kept quiet dahil best friend nga daw niya ‘yun, but nung may nagsalita sa mga nabiktima nung best friend nya dati, nagsalita na rin siya. Just recently we became closer, even had the chance to share how horny we are, ansd for a while we spent days texting each other about nothing else but ‘KALIBUGAN’, then when he was jobless, he said he was considering accepting an old classmate’s proposal, for some spare cash…
haba pa istorya kay CAncer, but i believe I have taken so much space already when in fact hindi pa ako nakakapag-comment sa situation ng ating letter sender…
my point in sharing the anecdotes above is to show that people react differently, some friends would be okay with it, some friends are willing, some, unfortunately, are not!
to be honest, i think your friend has gay tendencies, I think he is confused, he has not accepted the fact that he might be attracted to other guys. That he is fighting it.
but my advice to you is, control yourself… you’d be putting so much at risk, the FRIENDSHIp, and your family… It may be difficult, but do your best, mahirap nang magsisi sa huli…
[Reply]
MIGS, sulat ko rin kaya sau dilemma ko with my friend ‘CANCER’?
[Reply]
Beautiful.
I know nothing about “male bonding” and “buddies” because I never had any best friends during my teen years. Relationship between best friends gets complicated when one confuses love with sex. Tondomanila, your bisexuality is not an issue here…simply because, you knew who you are, what you are and what you wanted in life. You said you are a devouted father and a husband and a good Catholic! Are you then now…with all those escapades with your buddy? I guess, rethink your priorities in life….
Be true to your buddy and tell him about your “real” feelings and your “mundane desire” to him.
If it is sex you are after and not love, it will certainly ruin your relationship as buddies.
And, the only way to know what is at the end of the tunnel….why don’t you two guys makelove and see what happens then…
I do believe that relationship between buddies or best friend what ever you call it, should go beyond sex itself. If sex is there….thats a bonus part already!
Angelo…can we go to that tunnel and see what happens then…..ay! ang isda!
[Reply]
Hi TondoManila…
Hirap nga ng sitwasyon mo….for me it does not matter if at the end of the day you will realize that you are gay or bi or whatever, it seems that you really value your religion and faith and your friendship with him. If you continue on giving him this special attention you may end up loosing a best friend (that is so hard to get na this days) or you may end up having a great love other than your wife. Di sa pagmamalinis pero kung mahalaga talaga wife mo sayo eh sana just be with them na lang and your children para maiwasan na rin ang problema. It could just really be a matter of what is important to you. Pwede mo rin pagsabayin but still think of what could be the impact of this in the future, you cant hide a secret forever diba. Pwedeng maging best friends pa rin kayo but lessen the things that could lead you into those thoughts na lang cguro or you can also try other things to do or pwede nyo rin sama mga MRS nyo sa gimik dba……kahit ano pa man, ikaw p[a rin mag dedecide, it is your life and your happiness just don’t regret anything in the end my friend……always smile……peace….
[Reply]
tsk tsk tsk… nice story yet sobrang hirap na situation. simple lang naman yan: kung ayaw nya sayo (kahit may gay tendencies naman siya) e di wag! i know, mahirap sabihingn kakalimutan mo na yung mahal mo, pero the fact na may rejection… ibang usapan na yun. after that, befriend him. hanap ka na lang ng iba… marami pang ibang tao na mas magdedeserve ng pagmamahal mo. ingat nga lang, may pamilya ka na:D
[Reply]
leo, baket puro zodiac signs ang male friends mo? At parang usong-uso sainyo ang cannibalism? Saya ng world nyo. Sarap mag-join.
Mikee, I love your advice! Konting tutorial pa! Hahaha! True yan.
TondoManila, feeling ko your bestfriend is also fighting an attraction sayo. Try mo one more time na halayin sya at this time, isubo mo na nota nya. Tingnan natin kung makapalag pa sya. Deal or no deal? Teka, pahingi nga ng pic mo (carybalin@yahoo.com). Kung kailangan mo ng sexual release, andito lang aketch. Top or bottom ka ba? Kaw bayad ng motel. Game ka na ba?
[Reply]
hindi ako makarelate … pero … kaya mo yan kuya!! go go go!! hehe … at tska Migs, natuwa naman ako sa mga pics hehe … =)
[Reply]
uhmm… yeah
why don’t you tell him how you feel???
it’s a risk worth taking but you need a good timing…
[Reply]
as usual … madami na naman ang mga ma-papel at nagmamagaling! juice ko!
aminin na lang kasi na bading ka at pinagnanasaan mo siya! tapos kapag inamin mo na at di siya nag-agree sa expectation mo eh di yun na! wala na! tapos na! best friend kuning kuning eh di naman talaga yun ang pakay mo! so kung di na kayo friends eh that’s the consequence! huwag pilitin ang ayaw pa-pilit!
juice ko! masyadong madrama talaga ang mga bading! kakainis!
magpakatotoo ka sister!!!!!
[Reply]
yes… it’s true! things like that do happen! even heterosexual relationships have that kind of dilemma. guy falls for girl best frient or the other way around. but its much harder if it’s of omosexual backgroun. i wish you well with your quest!!!
[Reply]
I agree with anton. Just to get it over with!
[Reply]
yeah right! tell him the truth and start from there. If he would be mad at you don’t worry it will pass away eventually because what would matter is the strong bonding you both have na. Dude he can be never be a bestfriend if you lust for him or you are sexually attracted to him. Thus you have to tell the truth. In the end talaga ikaw dapat mag-decide eh, if you admit it to him chances are he will be angry and tell his wife about it and domino effect na yan. Now you said you love your wifem, you value your family, then prioritize them. Ang tanong kaya mo bang dumistansya from him?
Siguro to end this piece, let me just say idaan mo na lang yan sa prayer, ask God to give you a sound mind to decide properly. He will not forsake you, devoted catholic ka naman, dude miracles do happen right? His will be done.God bless!!
Hey migs, I love your website, very interesting. I came across this two weeks ago. I’m from Cebu, works as entertainment editor for a local tabloid, writes a column and handles a showbiz oriented radio program. Keep it up!
[Reply]
i suggest you stop flirting with your best friend na. sabi mo naman mahal na mahal mo asawa mo at hindi mo siya iiwan para sa kahit ano. eh kahit sabihin mong simpleng kissing, hugging and flirting lang yung ginagawa mo, panloloko parin yun. hindi mo dapat niloloko o kinakaliwa ang mga taong mahal mo, kahit pa sabihin mong lalaki naman ang kakaliwa mo. makakasira ka lang ng dalawang pamilya kung nagkataon. stay loyal. kawawa naman ang mag-iina mo. pinili mong magpakasal sa babae kaya panindigan mo.
[Reply]
hey face the fact that your bestfriend is straight. period. let him be.
[Reply]
Hey!
Love ko na si Anton Maton, Kaleena at Mikee! Galing nyo sister!
Tondomanila - alam mo naman ang dapat mong gawin for sure. Ang problema sayo, you keep telling yourself that you love your wife and kids and still keep lusting about your best friend.
Even if you are really sincere with your ‘being friends’ with this guy, the truth is, iba na talaga ang hanap mo sa kanya - nota. Pasensya ha. Pero parang sa kwento mo, yun na ang mahalaga sa’yo - to conquer this guy.
Kaya ka sumulat dito is because you wanted the readers to tell you that this guy likes you as well, and to give justifications to what you are doing. Gusto mo lang kumuha ng lakas ng loob at ng mga taong dadamay sa nararamdaman mo,
Sad to say that is not how life works. Ang hirap nga kasi sa ating mga bading, pinapacomplicate natin ang buhay natin masyado.
Pakatotoo ka lang P’RE - tell him how you feel (and Im pretty sure he’s feeling the same way towards you, aba mahilig sa cuddling ang dalawang to!) and if he rejects you, at least tapos na ang hinagpis ng puso mo. Kung tanggapin naman nya yung feeling mo - e di ang haba ng hair mo! Teka, sabi nga pala di na uso ang mahaba ang hair, dapat ang dulas ng hair!
Mabuhay ang mga bading!
[Reply]
Hi,
you really need to discuss this with your bestfriend. for some reasons, i can not comprehend your bestfriend’s action of hugging you back. Alam natin na hindi lang basta yakap yun everytime na nagstay kayo sa isang place. well, i am not saying that he is also attracted to you kasi kelangang alamin yan tlg.
On the other hand, if you are sincere to keep your friendship with him, then do not be afraid na sabihn sa kanya na bisex ka. walang masama dun. kaibigan ka nya and if he really cares for the friendship the same way you do, he will respect kahit sino ka pa. Now, if he learns to accept kung ano ka tlg, i would say kalimutan mo na tlg yung emotions na nararamdaman mo sa knya. remember that you two have children. me mga asawa din kayo na masasaktan pag ipinagpatuloy nyo yan.
kung kaibigan lang, then be it. but speak with him sincerely.
[Reply]
hey,
i only have one advice, if he really is your bestfriend, he has to know who you really are, point-blank, he deserves to know & u have the responsibility to tell him who you really are & what you really feel for him..and stop making false assurances to yourself..that happened to me before with this straight guy that i fell for one time, like, i was actually forcing to sleep with him in his dorm room just to watch him sleep & i kept convincing myself that he feels something for me too..really stupid of me..anyways, i hope evrything works out for yah…
[Reply]
tondomanila…
I think he knows you feel for him, and the fact that he hasnt pushed you away, nor exposed you, and that he keeps you around means he’s okay with you.
at this point, dont be distracted by whether or not he’s gay or bi, or if he’s into you anywhich way. i think your agenda is clear, you love him. he just cant be in the same page that you are now. just dont expect anything.
i kinda went through a similar dilemma. im also in love with my best friend. were both plu’s, out to each other. im totally in love with him but he doesnt feel the same way. for a while, that kept us apart. he wanted me to fall out of love with him first before we can resume the friendship. i thought i did, and we resumed the friendship. but the reasons why i fell for him are still there, and so i found myself back on familiar territory. I cherished every text message, every phone call, every meeting, every thing we shared and gave to each other, got paranoid and jealous when he went out on dates or even with mere gimmcks with his barkada (we maybe close but we dont have the same groupie), id be somewhat clingy. he doesnt discourage me but he doesnt encourage me either. i text him i love you whenever i feel like it. he just smiles back. i think he’s okay with me loving him, he just needed me to understand that were not on the same page, and that im free to do as a i wish but i shouldnt expect anything from him as well.
Quit asking questions whether or not his gay as well. his sexulaity, or yours, for that matter is immaterial here—what is material here i think he respects your feelings by allowing you to feel them and not making your falling out of love a precondition for you to be friends still. but at the same time, you must understand and respect that you have feelings he cant reciprocate. acceptance and respect are 2 very important aspects in ANY RELATIONSHIP.
[Reply]
to tondomanila,
if you really consider him your bestfriend then treat him like one. if you try to be more than what you say you are it’s like betraying his trust specially since you’re both married and all. isipin mo na lang that he trusts you enough to share his secrets. i guess ok lang mag-out sa kanya pero act just as a friend would. don’t come out hoping that he would too. sabi niya diba that he loves you and that he’s your friend kaya just appreciate what he can offer you. if eventually it would bloom into something else then i guess that’s good for you but don’t push it. siguro you’re still friends kasi he’s trying to understand you and that he knows that you’re a good person kaya don’t give him a reason to loose his trust on you.
[Reply]
Nagkaron din ako ng straight male bestfriend nung college.. syempre dahil gwapo at mabait, naattract naman ako. Like our letter sender, we also hug each other lalo na kung nag oover night ako sa kanila kasi may sarili syang room at kapag tulog sya kinikiss ko sya sa lips at kung saan sa an pa ng di nya nalalaman.. ahehehe. Pareho kaming may GF nun kaya deadma sya kung magyakapan man kami..kasi kpag nagkakaya sabay pa nga kami magshower kung minsan at naghahawakan pa pero syempre.. landian lang ng magbestfriend yun.. harutan kung baga. Di nya alam enjoy na enjoy ako sa ginagawa namin. Hhehehe.. Habang tumatagal, mas naiinlove pa ko sa kanya at syempre dahil ayaw kong masira friendship namin, tinago ko na lng
[Reply]
I swear, one of these days, I’ma writing you one of these “confused” letters, Migs. Hahaha!
For Tondo guy, I got no advice. Guess I’ll just pray for you. Really complicated situation. God bless you & him.
[Reply]
I told a best friend of mine how much I love him and how much I really long to hug and kiss him. I was being honest. He understood my feelings but he never reciprocated it. It was still difficult for me to be around him, so even if he is my best friend, I let go. I was glad to find the courage to tell him the truth but sad to lose a friendship.
[Reply]
From NYC I say, TONDOMANILA, forget the physical attraction, stick to your friendship, and be sincere with your family.
Sinabi mo na yung main obstacles, your families. Obviously, attracted din siya sa yo coz after that ‘holding-dick’ scenario, you guys went back hugging each other. It couldn’t be clearer, crystal, I say- may attraction din siya sa yo. But the big BUT, mahal niyo ang mga pamilya niyo. So, based on your story, the situation has presented an answer for you, stop the flirting!
Sorry if this hurts but what you want to hear from these posts is a support for you to continue your flirting with your bestfriend and eventually have sex with him. The cards are already laid at sinasabing IWAS-PUSOY ka na.
Get over it coz there are a lot of beautiful things you can indulge with. Good luck.
Migs, a young guy emailed me asking - how would you know if a person is a friend, a lover, or a soulmate? What would you and your readers say about this?
[Reply]
just wondering though…
how does your best friend feel about you? have you actually ventured to ask him to define what kind of feelings he has for you? it’s so hard for you to decide how to do things if you don’t know what the other guy feels.
but word of warning, once that definition is made by him, you will have to be satisfied with what he is willing to give. a lot of best friends become disappointed because the other guy goes beyond what he is prepared to do. aminin, sexual attraction na yan. baka maunahan ng ulo sa baba ang ulo sa taas.
[Reply]
Thank God for sensible people like Anton Maton, Schizo, Chad and Aries of UAE! I don’t mean to be unsympathetic but I cannot justify where Tondomanila is coming from. Obviously, he lusts for this supposed friend and that is very shameful. All of us has our own responsibilites and being a married person is the one for Tondomanila. We can never ever justify infideltity by saying that we are bisexual or whatever sexual orientation we choose to have!If Tondomanila continue doing it then he doesn’t deserve the love of his wife and kids. Both he and this friend of his is ruing their own families.
[Reply]
Sabi nga ni Bonnie Raitt “I can’t make you love me if you don’t-you can’t make a heart feel something it won’t..” Drama ba? c”,) To TondoManila, kung mahal mo nga friend mo, respetuhin mo yung nararamdaman niya - let him come to terms with what he feels for you whether it’s friendship or something else. Di mo pwedeng i-impose sa kanya yung nararamdaman mo kasi di naman siya tau-tauhan na walang isip o sunud-sunuran lang sa iyo. Ikaw yung nakakaramdam ng dilemma so FOCUS on YOU. Don’t assign motives or emotions sa kanya because you’re probably wrong - if you persist, then, be ready for the consequences. I respect your need to have friendship, to be attracted to another guy but it’s a two-way street, man, wake up. If his resistance is an indication of what he feels inside, back down a bit and give him room to breathe, give him his space.
[Reply]
tondomanila,
the only way you can get through with your dilemma right now is by telling your “best friend ” what you feel exactly for him. I am sure he feels the same way too, if not, I think he would be more courteous to say NO and still be a friend.
I can relate to your story and my “bestfriend” has this though of me already, we took a bath naked and sleep together and kid around until he find out about me, he was amad at first but as he truly loved me as a brotherly best friend, he kept me as is until now. Good enough?
–yori–
[Reply]
Maybe for him pure male bonding lang talaga ang hanap niya. Pero sa yo, hinahaluan mo ng malisya at pagnanasa ang mga male bonding nyo. Dapat respetuhin ang friendship.
Maybe sobrang linis ng kanyang isipan at naïve to the max siya kaya itinatanong pa niya kung bading nga ba ang lalaking humalik at nanghipo sa kanya. Hello!
Maybe bading din siya kaya lang hindi ka niya type talaga at hanggang best friend lang or confidante ka lang niya. Kasi kung type ka talaga niya at nalilibugan siya sa yo, kahit hindi siya bading, he will go for it (one way or the other).
Maybe meron siyang trauma dun sa gay friend na nagkwento sa buong bayan na natikman siya (in 10 sec) at ayaw na niyang maulit pa ito.
Tama ang comments ng iba: know and stick to your priorities in life. Read again your own writing:
“I must say that I am very loyal to my wife and my kids, and I love her more than anyone else on earth. I will never leave her and my kids for anything – I can’t see my future without them.”
“we both are devout Catholics”
“I know I am bisexual, but I don’t want to ruin my friendship with my best friend”.
Ang linaw naman di ba???
[Reply]
Life is always a matter of good choice. We nly live once. Saan ka happy tondomanila then go for it. I mean though you have your responsibilities, you should know that as long as you are comfortable with with your decisions then nothing is wrong with it. I may say that you are wrong with what you are doing but hey walang santo dito. All of us commit mistakes one way or the other… Be proud with whatever sensible decision you may have.
ako, when I was still in Thailand studying, I had this room mate filipino then where I had an eye. married then. I told him everything, he understood to the point of pinagbigyan niya ako ng one night na hindi ko malilimutan….
[Reply]
simple solution to such a complex problem: come out of the closet. you will do yourself such a good deed.
[Reply]
you guys can also keep the way as is, when you open up to him I am sure he will do the same to you. in that case you can keep the relationship in secret.
[Reply]
whew long story…
why pound oneself with a lot of things like i luv my family,,,im a devout catholic and all these stuffs???
why complicate by asking if one is gay or not???
when from the start till the end,,, ALL YOU WANTED WAS TO SUCK AND TASTE HIS CUM…
now just take anton mason’s advice
[Reply]
Pasensya I don’t speak english fluently kaya medyo tagalog po.. I believe love does not choose someone to feel that he or she is in love.. I believe God shared the feeling of being in love on each of his human creation.. I believe that everything that has come to pass, everything that is happening at kung ano ang mangyayari sa hinaharap ay nakatakda na… Kaya ‘wag mong sayangin ang oras na nararamdaman mo na mahal mo ang isang tao dahil lahat ng nakikita mo sa paligid mo ay naganap o nagawa ng dahil sa PAGIBIG… Kaya habang nasa iyo pa ang PAGIBIG ienjoy mo lang…
[Reply]
i am sure that your bestfriend have his own assumptions, beliefs, and even conclusions. i can feel that he knows what’s exactly you want but due to the fact that you are bestfriends,he resisted. he resisted because of RESPECT. i may sound idealistic yet basing on my own experience, a straight guy have stronger senses to feel what the other wants or have for him. when i comfronted my bestfriend about the same feelings that you have, he said right straight to my face that he knew it right from the start. yeah, maybe your bestfriend finds you a good friend that is why he refuses to succumb with what you want. the other people who leave their comments were true, you should tell your bestfriend who you are and you must categorically identify your concept of love and sex. in case he cannot comprehend, then you are indeed wrong in choosing a bestfriend. he is not really your best friend. or baka ikaw lang ang nagsasabing bestfriend nga kayo.
love is never saying you are sorry! always remember, it is always your choice to be happy or sad… but i tell you, please always choose to be HAPPY!
[Reply]
tama yung confusion between love and sex. It is always sex. Hangga’t hindi mo nakukuha tingin mo dyan love, hanggang nahihirapan ka, pagmamahal ang dating niyan. it’s about time na tigilan mo nang pakumplikahin ang buhay gaya ng tingin mo (and this applies to everyone in general na straight-acting bi lang ha kasi ibang usapan na kung sobrang open na ang orientation)eh babaeng puso ka sa katawan ng lalaki, kundi lalaking trip at nasasarapan din sa kapwa lalaki. Pag nasanay ka na at pag sinunod mo na yan, makikita mo. mag-ienjoy ka na. just have fun dude! be safe lang. mas madaling makuha ang straight guys pag sex lang ang issue walang love, love. kung sa babae nga takot sa commitment yan, sa bading pa kaya? hehehe. this is without prejudice sa mga nakatagpo na ng true love ano ho?
[Reply]
TondoManila:
For me your story is more a question of “Will I break my marriage vow or not?” rather than “I just want to know about my best friend.” That is the larger issue here, bigger than just knowing if your best friend is gay or not, or if he’ll be willing to have sex with you, kahit one time only (ano yun, mercy-fuck?).
Your feelings for your best friend is similar to falling for another woman. Shouldn’t you be more concerned about that?
[Reply]
I cant see any problem. Hay mga tagong bading kasi. Tangapin na kasi ang kapuso
Male bonding? o male Bading talaga? hahaha
Good script na sana Tondomanila, But try a more cridible story naman.
[Reply]
TondoManila, pigilan na ang libog para sa bestfriend at ibuhos nalang sa misis mo yun. You’re already married to her. You chose that path. Marriage is a steep road beside a cliff. As you move forward the path behind you crumbles. So no turning back dude, either progress lang or jump off the cliff (figuratively-speaking lang ha).
[Reply]
IF YOU _WERE_ in a unhappy marriage, I’d say take a chance with your best friend. Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. Chances are, he’s struggling with his own homosexual issue. And yes, it’s possible to be gay and find someone, however physically goodlooking, sexually unattractive. A gay guy does not go for every dick. Kanya-kanyang taste lang.
HOWEVER, you said you’re perfectly happy with your marriage. You’re capable of performing your husbandly duties so it’s not like you’re trapped in a prison. I would advise that you stay put. You have a responsibility to your family and you owe it to them to try your best to make it work.
To get back into your old routine, you will need to let go of your best friend, at least for now. Explain to him that you are getting obsessed with him so you need the distance. Siguro when things are right back at home then you can pick up where you guys left off. Hopefully then you can stay as friends, nothing more. But be prepared to lose that friendship for good.
Emotions are hard to control, but our actions aren’t. This has nothing to do with sinning, just doing what’s right for people who trust you - your family.
Just my thoughts…
[Reply]
Anton Maton, maton ka ba talaga? Nalilibugan ako sa name mo, sa true lang.
[Reply]
‘Libog-hahamakin ang lahat makuha ka lamang.’ Tondomanila, ayaw niya makipag-sex sa yo, exclamation point. Tigilin na ang pagnanasa. Kung ayaw niya, di huwag. Ano bang simpatiya ang gusto mo sa amin? ‘May-I-write-a-letter’ pa ang effect mo. Aaaayyy naaaakuuuuu, tigilan kami!!!
[Reply]
yay! may fans club na ako! Keleena …. sige! tuloy mo lang illusyon mo pare! (pare daw oh?!) ha ha ha! pag-libog na libog ka na sabihan mo ako tapos meet tayo … kaso you need to buy air tickets to see me! sagot ko na matitirhan mo!
[Reply]
I hope I’m not being judgemental but based on your letter, the main problem here is that you pretty much want everything. I’m sorry to say but you can’t be a hetero-family-man and a gay lover to your best friend at the same time. At some point you will have to choose. There is so much confusion within you that complicates your desire to have him as your friend or your lover or both. As it is, your friendship with him is based on a lie. You need to tell him about your true orientation and your feelings for him if you want a true friendship. There is a risk of course that you will loose him as a friend, but at least you will find out if he really is a friend who will stick by you no matter what. I must say that your friend is the most naïve 31-year-old male I’ve ever heard of. Even though you have shown him all the intimate overtures that any potential lover (gay or straight) exhibits, he still asks you if you are gay. How much more gay does he need you to be? Whether he has homosexual tendencies or not is really a minor issue at this point. He clearly made it understood to you that he does not want a homosexual relationship with you or any other male for that matter (from what you elaborated about him). Yes, he does indulge your advances to a point and I agree with you, it is perplexing because the physical closeness is way over the realm of male friendship or male bonding. But I guess he is the only one who can answer this question. Again, I’m sorry to say but you can’t have it both ways – you can’t hide your sexual orientation from him and expect him to reciprocate your advances while professing to him that you have no other intentions other than friendship. There are way too many mixed signals coming from both of you. From deciphering your letter, it looks like the homosexual closeness you desire from your friend will never happen. One thing is for certain though, you will fall for another man or men in the future because this is part of your nature. Whether you act on it or not is another matter. Actually, I’m utterly confused with what you want. You say about your wife and kids: “I will never leave her and my kids for anything – I can’t see my future without them.” And with regards to your true gender you say: “Opening up to the world and tell everyone I am gay is definitely not an option.” What is the purpose of pursuing or entertaining a gay relationship with your friend if you have already determined the above proclamations about your family and your gender? Is it possible that what is happening to you is a manifestation of your true self as oppose to the life that you planned for yourself? It appears that you have a huge dilemma pertaining to the things that you want and the true person that you are. I think you have a lot of soul-searching to do about whom you truly are and what you want to do about it. As it is, you are already being untruthful to yourself, your wife and your friend. In the end the truth will come out and it is much better to address it before too much damage is done. Only you can decide what to do but for the sake of your sanity you will need to choose only one route and stick to it. I don’t think you will want to be a tortured soul for the rest of your life. Sometimes there is no right or wrong answer; it is far more important to have clarity or peace of mind or at the very least, closure.
[Reply]
Kase naman, malaking PG (pa-girl)tong si Tondo Gerl, pagkahawak sa nota, subo agad! Wag ka ng mag ask ng permission. Nag lalaplapan na nga kayo e, o kaya ganito na lang, pag nakatulog sa tabi mo ulit. Mag ala Spider Woman ka! Gapangin mo na, tinigasan na nga, pinakawalan mo pa. Gusto niya din yun noh. Remebmer - Walang notang patay sa bibig na malambot. Gusto mo tutorial!?
[Reply]
“Just be true to yourself i guess its about time that you have to admit the real you BUT if you don’t want complications with you being a husband and a father to your kids then live as it is coz you’ve been living in lies anyway if family is your priority then sacrifice yourself for this true identity of yours but if you value yourself you want to be happy then set yourself free “the truth will set you free as they say” but think it over a hundred times before you decide but whatever is it be proud!!! With regards to your friend i guess in due time he’ll come out with all the advances that you made i’m sure he’s pretty queer to me but you know what i like the way the two of you do things in private like the friends bonding things, it usually start in that situations. So good luck for now and just be the real you.
[Reply]
ok, you weren’t physically attracted to him at first, pero now you are.
ganyan din ako e..
meron akong friend, at first, I wasn’t attracted to him physically.
But as the time passed by, I realized along with his charm that he’s one of the fairest in the class. We became close and he even asked me if I could be his brother (he doesn’t have any). It came to the point that he would leave his real barkada for my company.
POINT: maiinlove ka ba sa bestfriend mo kung pangit xa?
By the 3rd month of our friendship, because of our instant hit friendship, without any qualms, I told him that I was gay and I was attracted to him before.. crush lang.
after a week or two, wala na ang lahat. kung gano kabilis kami naging friends, ganon din kabilis nawala lahat.
I fell in love and I don’t know what part of friendship I started to love him. Maybe it was the time when he started to shun me and realized that he was gone.
It has been a year and a
half already and I still love him. Kahit na hindi na kami naguusap. I am trying to fix everything. Take note, “I”.
I am pretty sure your friend knows very well that gay people exists but since he trusts you so much, he knows that you won’t take advantage kahit na alam nya na medyo tagilid ka.
Piece of advice: Wag ka na sana gumawa ng iba pa. Sayang ang friendship nyo. If you really love him, as friend, or as the man you’re dreaming of, you’ll be contented with his company or holding his hands will suffice.
Take only the risks if you’re ready to lose him. Ano bang meron mangyayari kung sasabihin mong gay ka? Sa tingin mo ba papayag sya na makipag-do sya sayo pag open ka na sa kanya?
let me reiterate. wag ka na sana humiling ng iba.. sayang ang friendship nyo baka mwala pa.
bente pa lang ako.Ü
[Reply]
Hello Tondomanila,
I have to compliment you for a very nice story. You’re not alone. I have experienced the same love to my bestfriend. That was the most memorable and extremely painful relationship I ever have. It even changes my whole life and perspective about gay romance. Like you, we’re colleagues working in the same organization. We even belong to the same department so everyday we saw each other. My best friend is the most ideal and perfect love you can ever have. He is a kind person with big heart as big and warm as his smile. This makes him very popular in the office. Almost all of our female colleagues have crushed on him. Anyway, we became very close and we discover that we have good chemistry. Everyday, after our work, he will drive me home. He also asked me to play guitar in his house during weekends and from time to time we watch movies together. This really makes me fall in love with him and it makes my world go round and it only revolves around him. Sometimes when he is driving and he noticed that I’m quite tired for the day, he will ask me to lean to his shoulder eventhough it will make his driving even more difficult. When we walk together in malls, he usually put his arm around my shoulder. We never say I love you to one anothr but I just thought that action speaks louder than words. To make the situation complicated, he has a girlffriend since high school and they have plans to get married. He told me that I will become the best man. Sometimes if he has dates with his girlfriend and we can not go out to watch movies during weekends, he will tell me that he will try his best to divide his time between me and his girlfriend. All along I thought and I have assumed that he is also in love with me until I forced myself to tell him verbally how much I love him. That was the most painful night when we have some discussion. I told him that I can’t hide my feeling anymore - that I love him more than anyone in this world. I was shocked when he informed me that he only loves me as a brother and best friend and not as a lover. He also assures me that our friendship will never change and I will still become part of his life. I was terribly hurt and I resigned from my job. I went to Germany to work so that I can forget him. I want to heal my own pain. After 5 years without communication with him, I came back to Philippines. I informed him about my plans to settle down again in Manila. We only communicated through text messages because I still don’t have the courage to see him. After all these years, my feelings for him never change. I was hurt again when I learned from one of our common friend that he is already married. He never tell me although we’re communicating via text and phone calls for 1 year. When I ask him why he never tell me that he got married already, he just told me tha he didn’t want to hurt me. To cut the story short, he is now happily married with 1 child and I’m the godfather of his lovely daughter. From time to time, I try to visit his house to see him although I limit myself because everytime I saw him, my love for him did not change and I always feel emptiness when we are together. Until now, we’re still best buddies and I never stop loving him. He knows it and he is happy about this. You may call this as platonic relationship but it does exist in this complicated world.
Sorry for my very long email…but my advice is that you have to tell it to your friend about your feelings. He may not reciprocate your feelings that way you want it to be but at least you will free yourself from anguish and pain. If he is really your friend, he will understand you and it will even make your relationship stronger. Good luck dude!
[Reply]
Thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts and personal experiences related to Tondomanila’s dilemma. Mwahs to all, and World Peace!
[Reply]
I’m new to this site! A friend from Manila just told me about it ( I’ve been living in the States for almost 30 years!) and I can’t stop reading. This is one of the best blogs I’ve ever been to.
I just want to comment that Ace gave the best advice to Tondomanila’s dilemma. Tondomanila can’t have it both ways. Tell everyone the truth and live with the consequences. If your friend and family truly loves you then they will accept you whatever you are, bi or gay. The truth will set you free! If you can’t really be true to yourself, then, I’m sorry…goodluck!
[Reply]
kaleena, code names lang ‘yan di naman nila tunay na names ‘yan kahit itong Leo, di ko ito tunay na name…
I think this post has the most comments… sobrang dami!!! Dami mo na readers migs…
MIGZ for senator!!! hahahahaha…
in the end, si tondomanila pa rin magdedecide, it would be nice to actually tell everyone how you really feel, but then again one would have to face the consequences, even if a person loves you, at first they might have a difficult time accepting the truth… it would be nice if after a while they learn to accept you for who you are, but hirap pa rin kasi may mga tao pa rin na hindi kaya tanggapin…
[Reply]
The term “best friend” is tricky when you’re in love with the guy. Cause of ALL THE PEOPLE in your life, you should be able to go up to your best friend and say things like “I’m in love with this guy and he doesn’t like me back…” And your best friend should be able to say, “there’s this guy who likes me, but I don’t like him back in that way…” Enter, my best friend.
I don’t recall the exact moment but 8 years ago, after meeting him and hanging out a lot cause of a common friend, I started falling for him. The feeling built up and I had to tell him, hoping of course that he felt the same way. He told me he didn’t feel the same way and threw out the “best friend” label. Which I thought was fine cause it meant I meant something in his life. Right? He could have temporary lovers, but I was THE constant best friend. Right? Who knew it would kill me for so many years. Dying inside everytime he spoke about liking another guy. Kissing another guy. SLEEPING with another guy. And guess what? I couldn’t tell my “best friend” about all this. He needed someone he could honestly confide to, and while I was glad to be THE one, I was also best-friend-bound to be supportive. If I told him that it hurt like hell, he might pull away, which I REALLY didn’t want. Cause in spite of the moments that ripped up my heart, as “best friends” we’ve shared a million memories, hanging out, inside jokes, he’s cried on my shoulder, phone calls, texts, “i love you”s, etc. On a higher level, we’ve kissed and I’ve seen him naked (though not at the same time. damn.) I cherish every memory we’ve shared, but I know that I cherish them cause they’ve always been with someone I loved.
Then a couple years ago, I met someone who I thought would fix everything. A great guy who is right now my boyfriend. He is everything right for me, and made me realize how things could’ve never worked out with my best friend. My best friend too found someone who I think is great for him. Great. Great. Great.
But sometimes, some things don’t end. Today, I’m still in love with my best friend. AND in love with my boyfriend. It’s EXACTLY QAF, Mikey and Bryan. Damn. Why couldn’t I have been Monica and Chandler and have my best friend and boyfriend be the same person? *sigh*
[Reply]
As one your reader said you are not alone, can one male straight guy fall in love in love with the same guy (straight, bi or gay)I believe it’s yes. If handled will all caution, restpect and dignity. I had considered my as gay, bi but I had infact had many same sex experience expecially with whom I know are straights regular guys young and old. Infact I had conducted experiments of my own wether in fact Straight guy to guy relationship even sexual relationship is possible. From my own experience it is possible, the Factor or the culprit as other would say it is the “Chemistry” and “Intimacy”. I don’t why its happening pero nangyayari. Right now I have a very special friend he is my co worker at almost the same age at 40’s share a lot of interest and we are very intimate, we are very comfortable with each other. we are both non catholics although we don’t share the same faith. But unlike the others so far no sexual thing, although I must admit that somethimes I long for him and even had dreams of him. There was In fact that I thougth that I gave hints that he also wants me sexually, by touching his infront of me just for a second when we were alone. He is really good looking. But like you now I am in a quandry. I love my family, I know he love his family too, and he knows I also want the best for him and his family. I dont want to ruin this. I wish I could keep the way it is. I also hope that you and your best friend still remain as it was before. Thank You for sharing your story. I give me a warm feeling that I not alone. Best wishes
[Reply]
Errata from my comment ” I have never considered by self as gay or bi just a regular but very sexually active guy”
[Reply]
Wow, ang ganda ng story, almost the same with Brokeback Mountain kaya lang dito hindi sila naging lovers. anyway, to tondomanila, siguro naman bisexual din si bestfriend mo, kaya lang di lang siya interested with your dick, he just wanted to be with you, to hug you and to talk with you. he doesn’t even want you to kiss him or vice versa, so ang masasabi ko lang kung kaya mo, tanungin mo siya if he is a bisexual. Kasi sa nabasa ko sa story meron siyang almost experience with gay kaya lang hindi na tuloy, baka nanghihinayang siya na hindi yun natuloy ang he ended up thinking for it what if kung natuloy yun. curious about it if it really happened, curious siya kung ano kaya ang feeling kung natuloy yun pero hesitant parin siya hanggang ngayon because he is not sure kung ok…
nagkagulo na tuloy… hehehe.. basta tanungin mo siya, hindi siguro yun magagalit ng husto kasi best friend naman kayo eh…
[Reply]
i think he isn’t bisexual. He’s kindess is just being misterpreted.
[Reply]
I’m getting the feeling your friend is bisexual because he’s married, yet hugs you when you’re in bed together, lets you kiss him on the lips and would lay ontop of you. I have never known a straight guy who does that to another guy. Even two close brothers wouldn’t do that to each other. He did get a hard-on with you on one occasion only. My conclusion is he’s bisexual and is in denial. Due to family and religion factors, guilt is on his mind and he doesn’t intend to be sexually active with you. Thats my thought of the situation anyway. I’m Bi and used to be in denial about it. During a “session” with my bestfriend, I just pulled my pants up and sped off, trying to “straighten” myself out. I wish you luck with whatever decision you make.
[Reply]
I think that he was traumatized by his childhood experience when his bestfriend told others about what they did sexually.
He probably feels responsible until now. Maybe he also doesn’t like to ruin his relationship with you as sex ruined his relationship with his bestfriend in the past.
I think that he loves you too so just enjoy his company.
[Reply]
Ohhhhh……u know dati din akong na inlove sa friend ko…but you know na hate..hate nya ako cuz nalaman nya na mAy fellings ako for him thats why ako nalang aNG UMIWAS…..d KO NAMAN MAPIPILIT KUNG AYaW NYA….it’s becuz hindi ko hawak puso nya…………It’s better to end than ipilit ko na wala ring mangyayari……
[Reply]
dude, i think telling him what you feel, and who you are is really gonna make a difference..
you’re right,
it isn’t within the norms of society that bestfriends of the same gender hug and cuddle unless it’s already given that they are gay/bi.
remember, you’re always the first to initiate something in between the both of you. do you think if you are the first to step up and admit who you really are, he would respond the way you want him to?
you have to consider that if he allows you to cuddle, perhaps he’s also trying to tell you something, but does not want to be the first to do it…
[Reply]
alam mo tondomanila, ang ganda ng story mo pero kakalungkot nga lang. kung gusto mo ako ang aalam kung gay nga ba siya at kung may gusto siya sayo para mawala na yun hanging questions jan sa isip mo.
[Reply]
ei dude lam mo naranasan ko na rin yang naranasan mo. ganyan din ako kaso mas bata nga lang ako im 21 ryt now, bisexual at alam ko rin na mahal mo nga talaga ang WIFE and KIDS mo… ang mahirap lang talaga is when you get attached to a person na “friendship” lang talaga ang kayang ibigay sayo… although lumagpas na nga kasyo sa friendship line, still friends pa rin kayo… i think its normal naman na may mga ganyang pangyayari between to male bestfriends dahil ganun din kame ng bestfriend ko and isa pa pinsan ko pa yung bestfriend ko, pero la naman kameng nararamdamang pagmamahal na lalagpas sa pagkakaibigan…
para sa akin magkaibigan pa rin kami at magpinsan pero may mga “PANGYAYARI” na maaring mangyari lalo na at CLOSE ang dalawang tao mapalalake man yan o mapababae., napakahirap ng ganyang sitwasyon pero nasa sa iyo yan. kung ako sayo wag mo nang pilitin na LUMAGPAS pa sa pagkakaibgan ang samahan niyo, mas maigigng komplikado ang lahat, maraming bagay na hindi maganda ang mangyayari pag lumala pa yan. at least COMFY kasyo sa isat-isa.
tingnan mo na lang ang site ko:
http://rapsodi.wordpress.com
[Reply]
tondomanila matagal nang naihain ang problemang to, nagwowonderbread ako kung ??ano ang desisyon mo, sinunod mo ba ang payo ni Antonmaton o ni Mikee ala Dan Savage…como esta naman ang family at tis moment, cguroy hoke hoke naman, gud kung ganon akoy masayang bababa sa Divisoria ng buhay, heto ang bayad migs, galing ako ng Tayuman.
[Reply]
Straight sya, bi ka, period. Don’t do anything else that might ruin your relationship; sa asawa’t friend mo; just let it be …
[Reply]
as you said, priority pa din ang families niyo.
keep that promise and never let go of it.
marami po kasing consequences.
maraming buhay ang masisira.
peace men.
[Reply]
I had a situation similar to yours couple of years ago. We were both straights then. What happened is that we just let loose our feelings and did it. Started in a hug, then kissing, and ultimately sex. There is no limit in the way we express our feelings. Just be honest with yourself. You do not need to be gay or bisexual-that is just a label. Our belief is that love knows no boundaries. Love and lust always go hand in hand. One thing we can be proud of, we do not have any desire to do it with other men. And we have been that way for many years now. We want to think we are not gay, that we are just two male best friends who are in love.
We are now both happily married with kids, my wives and families know we are best friends and we will always be. What we do is our business and we feel no guilt about it.
My advice to you is that tell him you simply are in love with him, and what you are doing is an expression of what you feel for him. Your living in denial that you are not gay, is the one that is turning him off.
Good luck….
[Reply]
ang gaganda ng mga advises ng mga hitad. i have my own story to write too.
[Reply]
Tondo…
you need to stop what your doing! cheating is cheating, have some respect for both yourself and your family. not to mention his.
Mikee- Your funny as hell! Love the comments! Dont agree, but entertaining!!
[Reply]
Ang dami na ng Comments ever 1 thing i can say is u hav to drink sprite magpakatotoo ka friend ok God Bless u can do it…. mwahhhhhhhhhhh
[