Another One Bites The Dust
“Another One Bites The Dust!” - what does this phrase mean? Many people know this as a song by Queen. It is, however, little known that the phrase actually dates back to Homer’s Iliad, where it was used to mean that a person died, “…the ground rose to meet him, and he bit the dust.”
This January, an acquaintance of mine — let’s call him Allan, and yes, he’s gay — is biting the dust. He’s getting married. I repeat, a gay man getting married, and it’s not a gay wedding. You get the picture, right? A gay man, a woman, in a church getting married — all along the woman knowing nothing about her groom’s sexual preference. I say this qualifies for the same phrase, “and yet another one bites the dust.”
The Interview
I had a chance to have a short chitchat with him recently, here’s how the conversation roughly turned out:
Migs: So you’re getting married! Are you then “going straight” all the way?
Allan: Next question please!
Migs: Oh. Does she know,… I mean, that you’re,… mmmm… that you are gay?
Allan: No!
Migs: So why are you getting married?
Allan: (shortened version of answer) I’ve had so many relationships with men and none really lasted. Relationships between men therefore do not really last. I’m getting older, so I guess this is the right thing to do so I ensure don’t get old alone.
Migs: Do you know that when you get married without telling her about your sexual preference, that is tantamount to deception and a very valid ground for annulment even according to Church laws? [yes I know a little bit of Canon Law, gents.]
Allan: Better! So puwede ko pala ipa-annul!
Migs: [Groans.]
What do you think?
By getting married to a woman without even telling her about his true self, Allan is committing suicide. And maybe I am over-reacting, but really, that’s how I feel. To get married out of fear of getting old alone? Ain’t that a whole load of bull****? And the girl — I pity her! Tell me dear readers, what do you think about this issue?
Possibly Related Entries:
- Gay In Aeternum
- Cherish Each Moment
- Podcast: Closing a Chapter
- Letting Go May Be The Best Option
- The Querida
December 27th, 2006 at 9:36 am
i feel bad for the girl.. ur friend is soo selfish. he’s goin to ruin that poor girl’s life.
December 27th, 2006 at 10:05 am
what your friend plans to do is not acceptable. and if the girl’s in love with him… i don’t want to think about it. nope, you’re not overreacting. tell him karma hits back real quick.
“I’ve had so many relationships with men and none really lasted. Relationships between men therefore do not really last.” —> the second sentence does not necessarily follow.
December 27th, 2006 at 10:51 am
yes, this friend of yours does not deserve anything but opprobrium. what a selfish bitch!
December 27th, 2006 at 11:40 am
his fear got him real bad! and yet, i wish that when the time comes for the girl to know “the truth”, she’ll still love him unconditionally - the best karma! tadah! =)
December 27th, 2006 at 11:48 am
i’m glad i’m not alone in thinking this, haha. yeah, a gay guy who gets married to a girl and doesn’t tell her about himself is a selfish SOB.
December 27th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
hi migs,
If your friend would eventually lead a straight life after getting married, why not? But with your conversation with him it looks like he’s not even willing to give up his “extra-curricular” activities. The fact, that he’s not telling his future wife the truth about himself, makes it even more malicious. Does he even care if the girl gets torn when she learns about his sexuality? Cuz I’m pretty sure, she will not marry him if she knew about it. And deception is not a good flavor to put in a relationship with anyone. Be it straight or a gay relationship.
But I still think, that if you’re a gay guy, getting married to a woman is not a bad idea at all, only if you’re marrying her for the right reasons. But I have yet to see a successful relationship between a woman and a gay man. (pero parang wala!)
Well, at the end of the day, your friend would still be getting married,it’s a personal decision, and you,Migs as a friend can only advice much. I just hope that he takes responsibility for his actions.
December 27th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
clearly…plain deception.
December 27th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Even though he won’t tell the woman, SURELY, she will know it when they DO IT!!! If he’s so used to do it with men, it’s different with a woman. And Allan, you’re the guilty party, so don’t expect that you can initiate the annulment.
December 27th, 2006 at 3:18 pm
here’s a good phrase for your friend : “having your cake and eating it too” good luck to him !!! and for the girl , i’m sure she knows he’s gay but still she’s a willing participant in this shinanigan … “it takes two to tango”
December 27th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
My best friend is getting married next year, in April… And I also can’t imagine what went wrong? My friend is totally “out” of his closet, but then this girl still want to marry him… I ask him why? He just said they love each other… and the girl knows about his past because he did tell her… but at the end of all my questions it came to the fact that “HE TOO DON’T WANT TO GROW OLD ALONE”… Still, I didn’t think that reason is valid… like what you said its “bull****”… but who am I to say to him that your making a mistake… in the first place they said they love each other’s company… I just hope that it would work a lifetime…
December 27th, 2006 at 7:35 pm
They say most of the best relationships or at least most that last are based on lies. it might work, it’s not all about the sex. Right? Sex has been happening before marriage, whether hetero or homo, it’s kind of hypocritical for people to make it only sacred after marriage. I don’t think there’s a monogamic mindset(not necessarily only being monogamous physically) until one reaches the point were nobody likes you or midlife crisis, and even then people find ways to get away with a sexual encounter outside marriage. I guess I’m generalizing a bit though… or maybe because I’m a spawn of satan…Richard Gere’s character in “shall we dance” is such a hard thing to find.
I can’t judge him actually, I actually do believe that there are people who are only looking for a companion or a friend in their partner to confide to at the end of the day. Just hope the feeling is mutual.Or that the girl knew and knows what she’s getting into… Or she’s a lesbian. That’d be the day.
December 27th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
now i know why he is not able to keep a good relationship with gay men…
December 28th, 2006 at 9:04 am
exactly the reason why i dont want to marry a woman/girl/female. i dont even get an erection with any woman anymore!
December 28th, 2006 at 9:09 am
In the end, I think karma will take over the whole shootin’ match. Personally, I’d only get married for two reasons: (1) because I love my partner and (2) to spite the people who say two men can’t get married. c”,)
December 28th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
AY! masakit ang magpa-anal! Ay tama ba? Annul ba kamo? basta masakit pa rin ang magpa-anal!
December 29th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
maybe he loves the girl?
December 30th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
I wanna meet this guy. Wanna see if eight inches of manpower inside him will change his mind about the marriage.
January 1st, 2007 at 2:01 am
@Nate - down, boy, down
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:38 pm
A friend was in the same situation. He had several gay relationships; some lasted years, some reached months, and some for mere days. But his parents and relatives have no idea, hence the pressure on him to get married especially that he is a public figure in their locality. He suddenly announced during one of our malate-bed night outs that he is getting married to a girl. Out of shock, we bombarded him with questions: why? - he doesnt want to grow old alone; does the girl know? - he told the girl that he had relationships with gay men (take note that he did not admit that he himself is gay, making it appear that it was normal for straight guys to have relationships with gay men); will he ever tell the girl that he is gay? - no, because he thinks he is not really gay; if he is not gay, how could he explain his past gay relationships/escapades, a lot of them left him crying for weeks? - those were just for experience; does he love the girl? - yes; etc. Finally, my only wish was for him to tell the girl the truth about himself, as the girl deserves to be well informed of what was she going into. And, of course for him to lead a “straight” life starting on the wedding day. Update: he had several gay relationships even before their first child was born; he sometimes asks to be accompanied inside bed, and acts like a very willing victim when some vultures attack to suck saliva out of his mouth, blood out of his neck, or whatever out of his whatever. They are expecting their 2nd child.
January 15th, 2007 at 3:49 am
well, i pity the gurl. but if she’s already old too, maswerte pa rin sya at kahit bakla napangasawa nya, nakahabol pa rin sya sa train!
January 15th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Wrong. So wrong.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
[…] got married early this year without the girl knowing her hubby’s true sexuality. (His story here.) Allan married the girl under extreme pressure from his domineering mother who seems to control […]
October 30th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
i had a teacher in high school who married a co-teacher of his because of the same reason: he doesn’t want to grow old alone. they even adopted a baby boy (who is now a very gorgeous and fine specimen of the male specie). And from what i gathered during his wake (yes, he died a couple of years back), that the girl was very happy with their relationship. the difference nga lang sa story nila is that she knew when they got married that the man she’s marrying is gay. sabagay alam naman sa buong school namin na bading siya. so i think, the best thing to do now is to make your friend admit to his wife that he is gay but with caution siyempre. if she decides to stick with him then good. the best he can do is be a good provider. and make the girl feel na kahit bading siya, she is the one person he will go home to at the end of the day.