My dear friend CC (for Corporate Closet) reacts to the Anoverz post, my first-ever mostly Tagalog post here in this blog. For those who have not read it, read it here — it’s about my “foolish” idealism on exclusivity in gay relationships. I thought reaction post was too well-written and insightful not to be republished here. So, here.
helo migs. kulang pa kasi yung comment ko dun sa Anovers post mo.
to those who havent read it, Anovers is migs angst-ridden (hihi), lalim na tagalog post on open relationships. he seems so frustrated that there seems to be nobody out there who shares his ideals of monogamy and exclusivity. (i remember a drunk and distraught joan cusack, in a wedding dress, shouting “is everybody gay” in what was probably the most hilarious part of the movie ‘in & out’!!!)
i am not one to shout FIDELITY being so overtly unfaithful. but there was a time i was. because i actually share migs ideals. DONT FALL OFF YOUR CHAIR, people. kainis. wag muna comment, okay?
i am catholic (practicing). i grew up with parents who have remained together for 48 yrs todate. though i recall in my childhood some jealousies, my father was never unfaithful. they remain so in love, so happy together. (cue in the music) and i have sisters who married happily, same story. nice, decent God-fearing, quality men. this is my milieu. who wouldnt want that? this is the nurture part of the story.
my love life which spans about 2 1/2 decades now involve about 8 or 9 major relationships. and in each one, i start out with that ideal in mind.
so what the f**k happened to me? well, a bit of family history, too. my maternal grandfather has children with 5 different women. he was maintaining affairs left and right. gwapo kasi. on my dad’s side, i have this uncle who is also such a womanizer. this is the nature part of the story. perhaps i have this promiscuity gene in me (that skipped generations).
couple that with growing up unsure about my looks in a world obsessed with looking good. i end up with some pretty deep-seated insecurities and a need for affirmation of your physical self. (ibaba muna ang kilay)
at an earlier age, when i started to be more confident about myself, i started to feel attractive. and i started having relationships. and i start out with that ideal (monogamous and faithful). but the temptations abound. the insecurities surface, still seeking affirmation and of course, plain old LIBOG (genetic).
however, with my partner now (of 7 years), i was able to maintain a faithful relationship for the 1st 5 years. it was a combination of love, a renewed commitment to my faith, constant togetherness and communication, healthy fear of how partner would react (he has a temper and a kamao the size of my face) and a world i was integrating (family and partner).
kaso, naging LDR kami. and a critical component - constant togetherness, disappeared. so ideals became just ideals once again… pushed back as libog, landi start to express themselves with the convenience of lying and dishonesty.
SO MY POINT IS (ang haba na pala nito)… just because some of those people out there MAY have been unfaithful, one shouldnt dismiss them outright as ‘unfaithful’ types. i believe a lot of them still carry ideals like migs. and it takes a combination of factors for such ideals to be practiced. pretty much how all the factors converged in the 1st 5 years of my relationship with partner.
so to you migs, dear friend and classmate, two things: they are out there. they may not be practicing it now but they may actually want to, with the right partner. second: for relationships to work, justice would have to be tempered by compassion. partners may fall once. a forgiving heart is a loving heart.
- cc (corpcloset.blogspot.com)
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