Corporate Closet Reacts to Anoverz
My dear friend CC (for Corporate Closet) reacts to the Anoverz post, my first-ever mostly Tagalog post here in this blog. For those who have not read it, read it here — it’s about my “foolish” idealism on exclusivity in gay relationships. I thought reaction post was too well-written and insightful not to be republished here. So, here.
helo migs. kulang pa kasi yung comment ko dun sa Anovers post mo.
to those who havent read it, Anovers is migs angst-ridden (hihi), lalim na tagalog post on open relationships. he seems so frustrated that there seems to be nobody out there who shares his ideals of monogamy and exclusivity. (i remember a drunk and distraught joan cusack, in a wedding dress, shouting “is everybody gay” in what was probably the most hilarious part of the movie ‘in & out’!!!)
i am not one to shout FIDELITY being so overtly unfaithful. but there was a time i was. because i actually share migs ideals. DONT FALL OFF YOUR CHAIR, people. kainis. wag muna comment, okay?
i am catholic (practicing). i grew up with parents who have remained together for 48 yrs todate. though i recall in my childhood some jealousies, my father was never unfaithful. they remain so in love, so happy together. (cue in the music) and i have sisters who married happily, same story. nice, decent God-fearing, quality men. this is my milieu. who wouldnt want that? this is the nurture part of the story.
my love life which spans about 2 1/2 decades now involve about 8 or 9 major relationships. and in each one, i start out with that ideal in mind.
so what the f**k happened to me? well, a bit of family history, too. my maternal grandfather has children with 5 different women. he was maintaining affairs left and right. gwapo kasi. on my dad’s side, i have this uncle who is also such a womanizer. this is the nature part of the story. perhaps i have this promiscuity gene in me (that skipped generations).
couple that with growing up unsure about my looks in a world obsessed with looking good. i end up with some pretty deep-seated insecurities and a need for affirmation of your physical self. (ibaba muna ang kilay)
at an earlier age, when i started to be more confident about myself, i started to feel attractive. and i started having relationships. and i start out with that ideal (monogamous and faithful). but the temptations abound. the insecurities surface, still seeking affirmation and of course, plain old LIBOG (genetic).
however, with my partner now (of 7 years), i was able to maintain a faithful relationship for the 1st 5 years. it was a combination of love, a renewed commitment to my faith, constant togetherness and communication, healthy fear of how partner would react (he has a temper and a kamao the size of my face) and a world i was integrating (family and partner).
kaso, naging LDR kami. and a critical component - constant togetherness, disappeared. so ideals became just ideals once again… pushed back as libog, landi start to express themselves with the convenience of lying and dishonesty.
SO MY POINT IS (ang haba na pala nito)… just because some of those people out there MAY have been unfaithful, one shouldnt dismiss them outright as ‘unfaithful’ types. i believe a lot of them still carry ideals like migs. and it takes a combination of factors for such ideals to be practiced. pretty much how all the factors converged in the 1st 5 years of my relationship with partner.
so to you migs, dear friend and classmate, two things: they are out there. they may not be practicing it now but they may actually want to, with the right partner. second: for relationships to work, justice would have to be tempered by compassion. partners may fall once. a forgiving heart is a loving heart.
- cc (corpcloset.blogspot.com)
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November 1st, 2007 at 7:12 pm
well-said.
November 1st, 2007 at 9:13 pm
yup, well said.
The ideals is just there… its just that the flesh is weak….
November 1st, 2007 at 9:36 pm
i am as guilty as everyone else is…I may rally on faithfulness and monogamy but somehow in my past i was a concubine ( anu pa nga ba, e gay ako diba?), and an adulteress. i consented to an act of infidelity and was even the half-perpetrator of its occurrence…but evil as i am and lustful as i would have denounced, i have always believed that people can change. there is nothing constant in this world but change right? and i mean change for the better. sinners in the past could turn saints because everybody is given the chance to change, to make himself better and shun the life of lust and evil.
preachy as it may sound but we can all do it. again, like i’ve said, there is hope for the gay world. who knows, in the future, the philippines may very well become the first monogamous gay nation. bungga!
November 1st, 2007 at 9:53 pm
hi, i just would like to ask, what is LDR?
November 1st, 2007 at 10:44 pm
i have been in a “monogamous” partnership for almost seven years. i am not a saint in this life; but our partnership worked because we shared the same values and beliefs.
there’s always a freudian justification of why we succumb to temptation. i guess its defining whats important in your life and if your willing to risk losing everything for a one-night stand.
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:17 am
sa tingin ko naman we become faithful if we not only choose to be but decide to be faithful. i think lang ha, na maybe PLU’s tend to be polygamous kasi scared din sila to be hurt. lahat naman tayo sa tingin ko we put up somekind of barrier para just in case lang naman it didn’t turn out well.
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:14 am
ako gs2 ko mono kaso mga partners ko ayaw…..hrap ma hurt….hirap din maghanap ng tao na ganito but still we are not sure pa rin naman what will happen in the end…..e2 tingin ko lang….pag naghanap ng iba either talagang ganun cya na walang respect sa partner (and not so much into the partner) or may pagkukulang sa relasyon nila and sa iba ito nakita….
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:37 am
It’s enlightening. I just remember what our creative director shared during a discussion on the minds of men and women.
Men, by nature, have one purpose (daw), which is to breed. I interpreted that as “to have sex…” regardless of other ideals.
Haaaaaaay!
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:11 am
di ako makarelate… one man-man ako eh… charing!!!
pero yeah, i hope we will find the rightful partner that we are looking for, so that we would not be tempted to taste other fruits anymore..
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:30 pm
*speechless*
hehe. i share the sentiments and insights.
mabuhay kayo migs at corpo closet guy
November 3rd, 2007 at 12:52 am
ldr = long distance relationship
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:43 am
Migs,thnx for posting this! CC & you have been constant inspiration to us (and also here, we read another chapter in CC’s life!)
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Ba’t ngayon ko lang to nabasa >_
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Naputol…
Anyway, I once commented in Theo class that the reason male homosexuals are viewed as promiscuous by society (as compared to lesbians), is the fact that the people involved are both male. Now, if you look at the normal relationship, there is already a huge propensity for cheating because it is usually the male who gives in to his libido. This theory may be flawed, but some parts of it are familiar.
I am currently in a relationship with a guy. I did not know that he had a girlfriend when he met me and only learned about his having a girlfriend when we became really serious. Admittedly, we are both malandi, but we have a look-but-don’t-touch policy, instead channeling our… lust? and sharing it with each other (to the other partner’s derision or agreement). Hehe. Yes, we point out which guy is gwapo and we laugh over it.
Whenever temptation comes, I greet it with this mantra: Will he care for me as much as my bf? Will he be there for me? or is he just a one-night-stand? Would the trade-off of my partner knowing about the one-night-stand and reacting about it be worth the sex?
Sigh. Anyway, I told him that it would be okay with me if he did it with another guy, as long as he comes back to me and tells me about it.
Pinaisip niyo din ako dyan Migs & CC ah.
November 4th, 2007 at 4:40 am
seriously dude—i hear you on all of your rants. more than ive ever managed to tell anyone actually.
the other night a pal kinda hit the nail on the head when he said i just dont want to get hurt kaya i dont want to be set up.
i dont want to date.
in fact, ive planned my life partnerless na.
you know why?
1. i dont want to get hurt anymore. i dont think i have it in me to survive another heartbreak.
2. i dont want to hurt people anymore.
3. i really have no fucking idea what i want anyway.
4. and i dont really know what to do.
between my ex and the other person ive seriously loved, plus the guys in between (minor flings really)
ive come to realize that maybe im not relationshop material.
im doing fine by myself. and sometimes, i just find the guy thng a chore or a bore.
my brother thinks im being too picky. he makes it seem like picky is bad. but ive noticed that the reason many relationships fail is the couple sold out on what they really want out of the fear of being alone.
brother thinks i let too few people in, that i put myself on a pedestal. thing is to me, letting people in and giving them a shot—is not a matter of something ill do just for the sake of—its actually something ill do based on how i feel, and how my heart and my instinct guide me.
we always argue about my lovelife—feeling kasi ata niya anak niya ako. ahahahahaha. sinesermunan pa ako. i know he means well. minsan lang talaga feeeling ko di niya ko naintindihan kaya tumatahimik na lang ako.
November 5th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Personally, I think we’re much too bound by heterosexual norms and Catholic guilt that labeling comes too easy for us should we or anyone that we know strays from the “ideal” monogamous route. Forty years ago, the concept of two people of the same gender being involved in a committed relationship wasn’t as accepted as it is now - but here we are on the verge of re-defining a family because we homos re-defined it. Relationships-it’s parameters and its involved parties-are not static because relationships involve people and people change concepts and ideals just like they change clothes.
People in a relationship make up the rules in that relationship - no one has the right to judge what they think is right for them - judge not and you shall not be judged, people. If one of us is tempted to raise ourselves as paragons of virtue just because our relationships are strictly momogamous, do so but not at the expense of looking down on other people as “promiscuous” just because they’ve outgrown (consciously or unconsciously) the traditional interpretation or rules of what an ideal relationship should be.
Best regards
November 5th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Amen to you CC. “SO MY POINT IS (ang haba na pala nito)… just because some of those people out there MAY have been unfaithful, one shouldnt dismiss them outright as ‘unfaithful’ types. “
Pilit kong di mag comment dun sa post ni migs kasi nagcomment si “ewan” about me na sobrang parang ang sakit namang magsalita. Nahusgahan agad ako. Akala ko pa naman kahit papano naintindihan nya dilema ko.
ewan Says:
October 30th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
before i accepted myself as part of the gay world, i had a 5 day tryst with a man who has a gf…he’s from manila, i am from cebu…i would have wanted to be his bf but mahirap ang long distance so i told him to take care of his problems with his gf muna and ill just be there…the next thing i know, he has a new bf, a gf, he is back in cebu and would like to see with me…i decided not to see him…i made a million reasons not to because i don’t want to take part of his infidelity…i have allowed it once and di ko maatim to do it again…kawawa yung girl…
Kaya ayun, sana wag namang idikdik agad sa impyerno ang mga minsang (at patuloy) na nagkamali. Basta. MAgulo utak ko! Chos!
November 7th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
honestly I thought that was why we were christian. We get forgiven and there is grace.
but how can one ask for fidelity?
Maybe its something like peace of mind.