Homophobia Among Us
I just came from Puerto Galera. And after seeing so many different types and flavors of gay men, there is a thought that kept on lingering in my mind these past days, and it is this: while we gay guys desire equal rights as our heterosexual counterparts, and freedom from discrimination, isn’t it true too that a lot of homophobia actually runs in the very veins of the gay community? Sometimes it even makes me think homophobia is stronger among us than in any other circle. And that somehow, each of us has a certain, even just a bit, homophobic molecule in our body. And I hear quips like “Akala mo naman kung sino yang si…. eh bakla naman!” Then, remember that line of Rustom Padilla when he outed himself on national television? It goes something like “I’m gay. Hindi ako masamang tao.” (As if there is a direct link between these two concepts.) Does it have something to do with the negative programming of years past? Is there a way to reverse such programming?
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March 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Hi, Migz. I missed being here on your site. Musta ka na? Still remember me? Naka-block kasi dito sa office namin lahat ng sites kaya hindi na’ko nakakabisita dito
Anyway, I admit I’m guilty of this homophobia thing you’re talking about. Well, sometimes, but I try not to entertain the feeling as much as possible. But it’s actually with people whom I have a disliking to. Ewan ko ba, pero siguro lahat naman ng tao may gantong feeling, gay man o straight. I hope I’m not talking gibberish here, hehe!
Miss you soOoOo much, Migz and Manilagayguy. Wish I could be here more often like I used to.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:34 am
totally agree … mas matindi ang homophobia among our midst. ewan ko ba … wag na lang akong magsasalita at manlalait kasi di naman ako nagmamalinis. yung lang! hehehehe!
March 19th, 2007 at 11:26 am
yeah, yung mga straigh acting eh kala mo mga SANTA pag nakakita ng effem. eh kung tutuusin mas masahol pa ang kabaklaan at kalandian nila sa closet. nyeta!
CHOZE~
March 19th, 2007 at 11:27 am
I agree that we homosexuals can and do imbibe the homophobia of our society when growing up. It’s sad but we often go through a state of self-hate because of this. Eh paano ba naman, when the whole society you live in–your family, friends, neighbors, even the Church–tells you that homosexuality is bad, ergo you are bad. Hay naku, it’ll take time for things to change.
March 19th, 2007 at 11:32 am
mcvie, is it just a matter of time? or is there someway we can hasten the process? where and how can one start?
March 19th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Migz, you didn’t miss me? *sob*
March 19th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Gud point migz, i think it is in the LGBT (tama ba to) community that mas malakas ang descrimination, yung lalaking pa girl mag act vs pa macho ang dating… mahirap talaga kung di mo paiiralin na dapat mahalin ang lahat…same goes to the black race and others… parang tayong mga pilipino basta maitim isipin kagad marumi/pangit (at naglipara ang mga whitening products dyan)… Well ako man guilty as accused.
March 19th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
If we respect ourselves, we will be respected by others.
I believe this hate against gays started with gay-media people. Of course, para kumita ang column, mas super ang lait and exposes, mas kikita. Mas controversial, mas papansinin. Tapos, may word war pa between gay-writers, gay-managers, et al.. Bading laban sa bading!
In the replies alone dito sa MGG, you will notice that there are some comments that easily berate/criticize others without justification. Kaya tuloy, others would be bias against gays kasi nga faster than you can say GAY ay nakapang-lait na agad. Though it is really fun to communicate with gays, there are a lot na grabe talaga mag-comment up to the point of slandering someone. Yung iba, pinipilit pa nila ang opinyon niya na this guy is gay. Idagdag mo pa yung rejection na naramdaman ng isang bading from their families, kaya pag-nagladlad, may feeling siya of rebellion, ang dila, napaka-talas- dead to the world basta makapag-comment lang regardless kung sino ang masaktan.
If this has to stop, it should start within GAY people. Respect is always earned. Do not give people reasons to hate GAY people. Yes, this is a long process and will take time. But if it has to start, it has to start NOW.
Ika nga ni Migs, world peace!
March 19th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
hi andrew! hehehe!
March 19th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
maybe it has something to do with being a Catholic Country and growing up with the notion that men were made for women. I thin this is also why Rustom said what he said when he came out, because he grew up feeling na masama siya, that he had to fight it.
I guess that is one reason why many gay men have a difficult time accepting who they are, and really find it hard to actually come out. (parang ako!)
Maybe those gay men who are acting straight, thinks that it is those LOUD and ‘bastusin’ gays that give people the wrong idea about being GAY. Making it harder for them to come out,because of stereotyping…
March 19th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I agree, there seems to be a stigma of homophobia among gay men, its life segregation… the queens, closets, effeminates and the straight acting gay men… I guess its our own social web as a whole that created this kind of homopohobia, I admit that sometimes I’m afraid of Queens, its not because I don’t like them, its just that sometimes I just don’t understand them… all the make-up and glitter… Maybe re-education and understanding more of the gay culture could diminish the homophobia among us then throughout society… maybe?
March 19th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
MIGS: It will take time, and I’m talking years. After all, it’s not the easiest thing to change the way most Filipinos–including gays–regard homosexuality since we’re predominantly a Catholic country. (That’s just the simplistic way of stating things.) But there’s nothing wrong with efforts at “hastening” the process, and I think there are people already doing that on their own. We should start with our community; that pa-mhins will not look down on pa-girls, and pa-girls will not disdain pa-mhins. And this MGG site is a great venue to push for less homophobia amongst us.
Of course this is not enough, but hey, even the tiniest drop can help cause a ripple.
March 19th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
yes i agree. theres so much hatred within the queer community which is why i refuse to be a part of it. i dont go to any social functions and i avoid friendships or associations with queer men and even queer women. theres so much backbiting, fakery, superficiality and yes calling each other homophobic slurs. there is no sense of community in the queer “community”. it has become a joke. its all about the looks/appearance/”porma”. all style NO substance. and then if you dont fit that mold you are not accepted or worse, discriminated against by people you would expect to be welcoming.
the media is just as culpable with its propaganda and skewed presentations. constantly belittles queers (especially men) and makes them the butt of jokes yet look at how many queers run the media. they’re propagating it rin! lets not forget publications that are all about partying and beautification. if these are the kinds of images that “represent” the queer community, is it any wonder why no one takes this community seriously? has the queer community becomes this shallow and debased? i cant even differentiate one magazine from the next. all they sell are sex and seduction. its really pathetic that this what the community draws its worth from and uses to carve its identity.
March 19th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Homophobia does exist in our community! And i think this is more apparent between the paminta sistahs and the effeminate ones (like me)….nakakalungkot isipin n mukhang matatagalan p….not even in my lifetime…before ma-accept ng society ang kabadingan as a ‘normal’ sexual orientation, kc MISMONG TAYO NA NASA LOOB NITO, NAG-CHACHAKAHAN!!! i remember one time ni-tour ako ng kumare q s ilang chat rooms (needless to say, hnd ako ma-chat n tao)…and in a matter of seconds, naglabasan n ang kanya-kanyang invitations…but what surpised me (or should i say, shocked me) was the constant reminder from almost all chatters at the time: ‘NO EFFEMS!!!’….and i was like, ano daw? bakeeet? even now, it doesnt make sense to me…..how can we expect the society to totally embrace our existence if we, ourselves, are discriminating each other?
and i think kahit s gay magazines, apparent din ang homophobia….wla akong matandaan n issue ng khit na anong gay mag - not even icon, L or gp - na alam ko na naging cover ang isang effeminate/cross-dresser/transexual/
transgender….lahat n lang, either straight guy or straight-looking gay (for some)…..publishers might say that they’re doing this for commercial purposes or for the purpose of making the public realize na hindi lahat ng bakla ay
ay yung nsa effem to transgender category….and i acknowledge the fact that npkarami n ring na-feature from this subgroup (anton diva and all) …but they’re just in the inside …don’t tell me mgtatalo p tyo kung gaano ka-powerful ang impact ng cover? somehow, i juz feel like we are being unfair to them….
nku npkarami pang manifestations ng homophobia w/in our community…
i juz think n hindi naging or nagiging maganda ang effect ng ever-growing numbers ng mga straight-looking guys or ng mga paminta kc nging twisted ang definition
ng marami….parang may nabuong culture n magiging katanggap-tanggap k lang or marketable ka lang kapag pa-lalake effect ka….may iba jan na ni ayaw ma-associate s mga parlorista or so mga pa-girl, as if trying to imply that the latter are all worthless members…ang nakakalowka p, may iba n kelan lang ay super-girly den mya-mya tinalo pa c sam s pagpipigil ng pilantik ng mga daliri….ok lang sana n ginawa nla un dahil they eventually realized n yun tlga ang nature nila, but simply because they want to be more marketable….juzko, may iba nga n they would call themselves bisexual or bicurious or downe (whatevah)(this was once an article in icon btw) juz to play it safe, even though, not a sec that a girl entered into their minds as a sexual object…..and by promoting this culture,
ang talagang ngsa-suffer ung mga pa-girl ones…..kc nakukulong prn ang society s thinking n ang mga bading eh ung mga effeminate lang and alike….at sila lang ang malimit n nkakatanggap ng ridicule…not that i’m saying n kelangan ding isumpa o apihin ang mga paminta and alike,dahil may kanya-kanya namang dahilan kung bakit ganun cla, but that shouldn’t be an excuse para mangarag ng ibang kapwa-kapuso…if you are gay, den you are. period. we cannot make the people accept us by erasing or discriminating a part (in fact a big chunk, if not the biggest) of our community……….nakakainip na….but reality bites…nangangapa p rin tyo on attaining that level of total acceptance….dahil hindi natin mismo sinisimulan nang maayos sa ating mga sarili….let’s make the world respect us the same way that we respect our fellow members…..and by doing this, i have faith that we can be able to achieve Migs’ vision, everyone’s vision: WORLD PEACE!!!
March 19th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
question:
Sino ang guy sa pic???
March 19th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
ung guy sa pic. personal trainer sa fitness first- the block
March 19th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
oo nasa community natin…sad thing e tayo tayo na nga naghihilaan,,, nagaaway,,, nandidiri,,, at kung anu anu pa!!!
oo blame natin sa community,,, blame natin sa environment,,, blame natin sa church,,, blame natin mga taong nakatatanda natin…pero ni minsa ba tinanggap natin sa sarili natin ang mga bakla(yung tipong nag mamake up,,,nagsosout ng damit pambabae,,,yung kung makasigaw hangang pluto rinig mo,,, yung kung makatili wala kana marinig)???
sana blame natin sarili natin,,,bakit ayaw natin mabahiran ng kabaklaan???bakit ayaw natin sa mga lalaking nagmumukhang babae??? AT KUNG ANU ANU PA…E ALAM NAMAN NATIN NA TAO DIN SILA…ALAM NATIN NA ANG MGA CINASABI NILA NA MALI ANG PAGGING BAKLA AY HINDI TAMA…ALAM NAMAN NATIN ANG TAMA…
but its not late pa naman,,, we can start it by accepting us within ourselves,,, then we can accept others one by one…
un lang…
March 19th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
Five years ago, I joined this group of guys in the chatroom promoting gay masculinity. The process in order to join their group is quite complicated. Imagine meron pa silang screening process. Back then I understood the reasons why they need to distance themselves from effems. Yun nga naman, ayaw nila ma-branded as stereotypes. Negative kasi ang image ng parlorista.
It took me many years (and many friendly encounters) to shake off the mindset. Although I prefer to hang out with guys like me, but somehow I get to accept the fact that there will always be effeminates and masculines. I admit that from time to time, I’m still guilty of effem bashing (may thrill kasi eh, sino bang mag-eenjoy mag bash ng paminta). But seriously, this habit is reserved only for strangers - those people who somehow ticks you off.
Pero within my circle, I don’t really mind having an effeminate friend. Usually I tend to trust them more with my feelings since I find most of them sensible. So yun. The division will go on, that’s for sure. But there are areas where effems and masculines could work out together.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
btw, migs, i think ur site has a problem. there’re times when i want to access ur site, this would appear (something like this):
——-
the site is suspended and the cpu quota reached its limits. contact the website owner. chu—chu—-chu–
———
i think u have a problem with ur webhost. o baka naman ako ang may problema. please check. it happned more than thrice today. and last weekends palagi ganito.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
there are different shades of pink and all of them are beautiful. at the end of the day it all boils down to respect. to each his own.
i have a similar post in my blog:
http://pirena-sangre.livejournal.com/1197.html
March 19th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Agreeing with grrrrr…
totoo yan, migz
may times na ang luamalabas ay:
…the site is suspended and the cpu quota reached its limits. contact the website owner…
what happened?
March 19th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
thanks grrrr and closet queen. i will investigate what is happening. salamat!
March 20th, 2007 at 8:00 am
Does it have something to do with the negative programming of years past? Is there a way to reverse such programming?
Yes, and yes. What’s worse is that the media (the singlemost powerful “cultural” influence amongst the masses) are not only doing NOTHING but doing much, much WORSE by popularising these faulty concepts. We need an open war. A unique kind of war.
Continue this site, Migs. Continue the insights.
March 20th, 2007 at 8:10 am
NO to Internalize Homophobia!
March 20th, 2007 at 8:42 am
Hey, Migz, nangyayari din sa’kin yung sinasabi ni grrrr na ‘the site is suspended’ churvanes, tapos click on ‘back’ button after a few minutes daw. I wonder why this is happening.
March 20th, 2007 at 11:23 am
ei! Galera nasa ako last Friday… hmmm..
March 20th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
i think this phenomenon happens when one cannot accept himself as gay. for me the respect from others will only start if and only we gays accept it to ourselves and be proud of it. in that way they can no longer hold bad mouths against us specially if they can see how good as a person you are. this is in my perspective only
March 20th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Recently, i hitched a ride with a classmate and his family. His American brother-in-law then started talking about how open Philippine society is to homosexuality, in fact he said you can see them everywhere (then he started to bash Ricky Reyes as the GAYEST gay guy ever even if he had kids, but thats different). I noticed that as well. Compared to the US, where gay-bashing is much more common, all of us know at least one other person thats gay, which is surprising. Yes, marami paring panlalait and discrimination, pero sobrang rare lang yung times na binubugbog talaga. This despite the fact that the Philippines is a Catholic country. However, this openness for gay men, particularly of the parlorista type who have dominated the Entertainment, fashion and yes, haircutting industries, with their high-profile lives, have led to stereotyping. Now for a gay guy still in the closet, this is hard to take, for he sees nothing in common with the flowery gay guys who are already out. This then leads to antipathy and disgust at what they are doing.
The hatred of other gays for the effeminate types are usually because of:
1. The Effeminate ones can be themselves , in fact, they are already out, and still have got friends, while the discreet gay guy is still stuck in his closet.
2. If you go out of the closet, you are instantly associated with the mannerisms of the effeminate types, something a discreet gay guy doesn’t usually do. This then reflects negatively on him (in his eyes). In fact, a lot of people then talk about him behind his back, saying that he is the same as them, assuming that he at any time is going to start dressing in drag and wearing make-up. Thus, medjo negative talaga ang dating sa kanya, and this eventually leads to hate.
3. They prefer manly men and simply abhor any one (straight or not) who go all soft and effeminate on them.
wooot. tapos. hahahha. Now how do we solve this:
1. Try to reverse the stereotype and show that ANYONE can be gay, not just those who are effeminate from childhood.
2. Get to know an effeminate guy, personally. I bet when you get to know one, you’ll find that your previous disgust has disappeared.
un lang naiisip ko for now. hahaha. pretty long for a first post >_
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:17 am
this tendency of pinoy gays to bash other gays because they’re more effeminate, transgendered, etc etc is one of the reasons why pinoys gays have no sense of community. you have cliques here and there but no pink nation.
the abhorrence for effems, chubs, and the obviously gay and the preference for “discreet” is alarmingly skewed and symptomatic of dysfunction. in my book, “discreet” means self-hating gay in deep denial. it is a form of dishonesty. it spits on all attempts of gays through the years/decades to have their own accepted space to grow in mainstream society.
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:22 am
Isang malaking check para sa yo haha-boy!
effem haters = dishonest people
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:24 am
Although not all straight acting gays are homobhopic, some of them indeed are. Even flamboyant gays can be homophobic, too. Depende ata yan kung saan ang position mo sa social triangle. It’s more of a “class” thing rather than sexual orientation. “Nabing ako pero hindi ako kagaya mo!” So much judgement to fellow queers. Gays who belong in the upper echelons of society have a stronger tendency to discriminate because they probably think they have more to lose.
I think the song of Bamboo “TATSULOK” ( a remake of Noel Cabangon’s song) clearly illustrates this.
March 22nd, 2007 at 3:05 pm
HEY!!!!! THOSE ARE MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASSMATES!!!!!!!! THe girl is Tinette Ticman, the guy at the right is JAn Benedict Ilo and the guy in the center is Rainier Obligar who I think has a degree in Physical Therapy.
March 23rd, 2007 at 5:18 pm
i don’t think it nice to label people homophobic just because u think it, unless u have proof. don’t be bitter if people treat u the way u think they treat you, and don’t bother trying to generalize, chances are, “ikaw lang un” ..sa panahon ngayon, a lot of people admire and respect gays, don’t blame others if you don’t get the same kind of treatment.
April 7th, 2007 at 1:02 am
I do not hate gays. Homophobic? I do not fear gays, but I fear encountering being harassed by anther gay. I am straight-acting, as is my choice to be. And I have been harassed by another gay. Many gays are smart, keen observers and are articulate — characteristics which have the tendency to be mapanuri, mapanira, mapanlait. I guess it is more of respecting others. You want to be respected as gay, then respect others too, regardless of sexual orientation.
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm
VERY true. we should NEVER judge.
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Yes sadly but it’s true.
And that’s even magnified dito sa DR because of the latino culture. In fact mabibilang mo sa daliri ang mga out and proud gays dito. And they frown (gay community) sa mga limp-wristed at cross-dressers. In turn, ganun din ang tingin nila sa mga butch type gays.
This is what I don’t understand, why do we have to discriminate others because of what they are? Well, if you ask me no matter who you are and you want to be(excluding phaedophile and sex perverts), as long as you are not hurting other people. Why can’t we just accept somebody for what they are?
If we do this kahit siguro just within our community, we could have a better world to live in.