In the middle of a Pinoy gay lovers’ quarrel due to trust issues, expletives had been flying left and right, when suddenly an aggravated partner (let’s call him Gay #1) blurts out with all emotion:
If I want, I do!
If I won’t, I don’t!
Gay #2 stops to analyze what was just said and breaks in laughter. Gay #1 is confused, “Did I say anything funny?” Thanks to that accidental comic relief, the lovers’ quarrel had a literally happy ending.
Gay #1 and Gay #2 are my friends, and it’s so much fun being with them. And Gay #1 is so funny without even trying, everytime I’m with him I’m reminded of Melanie Marquez, the Queen Of Malaprop. Here are some of Melanie’s crazy quotes:
And the Base of My Observation Is â€¦. (showbiz stripped May 14, 2005 GMA Ch. 7)
My brother is not a girl; heâ€™s a gentleman.
â€œI keep my crown in the voltageâ€
Thatâ€™s why Iâ€™m a success, itâ€™s because I donâ€™t middle in other peopleâ€™s lives.
Donâ€™t judge my brother; heâ€™s not a book.
I wonâ€™t stoop down to my level.
Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?
â€˜Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.
Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari moâ€¦ Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.
We are lovers, not fighters.
Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.
I donâ€™t eat meat. Iâ€™m not a carnival.
Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.)
Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!
Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right.).
At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derekâ€™s mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). â€œOo nga,â€ said Melanie, â€œpero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.â€ She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, â€œAnd to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!â€
Lastly, many people think Melanie “has toyo” — she herself “announced” it in this video:
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