“Let me catch my breath…”
“…before you take it away.”
I heard this line as I was watching one of the first few episodes of “Heroes.” It caught my attention not because I identified with it, rather because I want to identify with it. The character who said the line just came out of a relationship, and she’s talking to someone who has just professed love to her.
People who have religiously followed MGG would have surmised that I just came out of a relationship (November 2006). I’ve been trying to enjoy single life since then, and while several have hovered around, none has in fact captured my focused attention. Truth is, paranoia has started to creep in… perhaps I will never ever meet anyone again who will “take my breath away” — and I get to think, are my standards too high? Am I expecting too much from my potential partner? Should I be more realistic and settle for whoever just comes by, that at a minimum catches my attention?
Migs is a pretty idealistic kind of guy. And so if I let myself answer the questions I just posed, my answer would be the predictable “no!” I will tell myself to just wait and enjoy single life… meet new friends, spend time with things that matter to me, etcetera, hoping that someday somehow the right guy will come along. These really make sense, and I want to do all that. But then again, the paranoia continues, will the right one really just magically come along? Will I ever meet that someone who will “take my breath away”?
What do you suggest, dear MGG readers, to those single gay guys who, like Migs, are going through such phase?
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- Janvier Daily, my Dodong
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- How to be a Culture Vulture
April 18th, 2007 at 11:45 am
well, basically, it’s ok to let yourself wallow in melancholy for a few days, haha (like what i’m doing now)… but after that it’s time to start getting back into your groove — concentrate on work, magpaka-busy, magtrabaho ng magtrabaho para dumami ang pera, spend time and energy sa gym at pagpapaganda (facial, massage), start wading through all the books in your long reading list… in short, do all the things you can to make yourself a better, sexier, more beautiful individual.
Coz when the time comes for you to meet The One, you have to take his breath away too, diba?
April 18th, 2007 at 11:52 am
hay, just came out of a relationship 3 days after my 30th birthday… i moved on… pretty fast, actually. the break-up happened just this monday… i am friends with my ex (maganda break-up namin) and now i am ready to meet others… pero i am going to do what miguel said para makapag prepare ako to meet The One… si Neo??? hehehe
April 18th, 2007 at 11:59 am
i’ve been single for more than 3 years na. it’s not because there were lack of men, pardon the way i’ve put it, but rather they were short of what i want. like the song i know him by heart by vonda shepard-if i compromise, i’d be living lies, pretending love’s not meant to be. i don’t want to short change myself, i don’t want to be in a relationship just to be in one. i want it to feel right.
April 18th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
“Coz when the time comes for you to meet The One, you have to take his breath away too, diba?”
beautifully said by miguel. oo nga naman, migs. kaya wag ka na paranoid that associating with long-time single friends like you know who will make you one too. konting gym, facial and voice lessons (!) lang yan, plus your trademark self-assurance, and you’re ready to blow ‘em away again, haha!
April 18th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
the magic formula is this :
Time to Forget someone = Time you were together divided by 2.
… therefore, just go through the process Migs.. there is no other way. Don’t be sad that it ended, be happy that it happened.
May I invite you to coffee? =)
Dave
April 18th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
If and when you meet that someone who will take your breath away, you’ll die of asphyxiation. FYI, another word for “asphyxiation” is suffocation. So the person who will take your breath away will suffocate you. Hmmm, not a very happy scenario, huh? Breathlessness is over-rated; what we all need is a deep, long sigh of relief.
April 18th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Dave - interesting formula. coffee is nice, but based on your formula, you got to wait 1.5 years. unless you want someone who’s still in the process of forgetting. hehehe.
April 18th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Migs, we can have coffee… you can talk and I will listen…after all, “shared joy, is double joy, shared sorrow is half the sorrow.”
Which is more convenient for you, Makati or Ortigas? When?
Dave
April 18th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Life is not all about romance. Try channeling your LOVE to social or cultural work. I’d suggest that you once in a while feature people - gay or not; you choose - contextualize them more in their contributions to a developing society, not just the sex, face, wealth, and everything else that shouts “gay bourgeoisie.”
i understand that this blog and all other queens visiting here come here to ogle and “check out the latest hottie Migs is gonna feature” - but come on, are gays/bis all that? Of course not, but it’s what this blog is trying to show. Makes me want to think all of you are escapist, channeling your repression towards poster boys and rumored gay hunk actors.
Please don’t reply “to each his own.” It’s predictable (and contradicting).
All I’m saying is… is there more to you than corporate work, romance, sex, fitness? I’d love to see… no, you won’t do it to please me or to prove yourself. It’s your call. I’m just making a wishful thinking that I HOPE you’re not all this glamor, beauty, and sexy stuff.
April 18th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
soc–
but corporate work, money, romance, sex, hot boys, fitness, glamor and beauty ARE all there is to life, anobeh.
mwahahahaha
peace, soc
April 18th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Migs, I got the same problem as you–> the paranoia of having standards which are too high, so much so that prospective partners just don’t make the cut (the only two who passed are straight). It happened with the first guy I was with, and the one I’m seeing right now.
I think that every single person faces the fear that they won’t be able to find the perfect person for them, the one that compliments them perfectly. Likewise, those in a relationship always question whether the person they are with is really right for them.
It’s natural to question whether your standards are too high and too alienating, but in my case, I’d rather be alone then with someone I can’t stand to be with.
April 18th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
i really cannot contribute anything here kc im in my 30’s and never had a relationship (w/the same sex that is,… friends meron). But i do feel happy…just b4 discovering all these blogging thing and yahoo groups. as weekend comes… i just concentrate my self on my choir (in our small chapel) it “really” refreshen my soul and i “really” do believe that i “really” dont deserve tha love that my God has given me… amen.
April 18th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
i’ve never had any problems with being single (when i was single)…
and although i used to say that i’m not a “relationship-person”, here i am now, with a guy i never thought i could be with…
truth be told, it just happens - this whole crazy thing called, love (how ever cheesy it may sound).
but, i totally get what you’re saying here… you know what to do and that it takes time. and despite being lulled into this sense of happy-go-lucky lifestyle, the heart is stronger than the mind, after all.
something’s amiss… and even though you have the whole buffet in front of you, you’re still hesitant to grab a spoon.
(no puns intended here. LOL)
you don’t have to be afraid though… easier said than done, i know. perhaps a song would help. “Accidentally In Love” by Counting Crows. just listen to what the song says… ^_^
April 18th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
a year and a half single now and still miss those days with my ex. ur right migs, feel the same way sometimes, esp when your alone and nothing to do. sometimes, i wanted to txt him say how are you but im controlling myself not because of the pain, pride but because i still love him until now…. still dont know when to stop, put period in everything…thinking to go back there in manila but my life is here now in italy. just have to move on and keeping the faith….
April 18th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
each person, gay or not, goes through a process of idealizing love, and when the relationship fails, we sometimes tend to give the relationship another try..ive come out of failed relationships, and i never looked back…but then, ive reached a stage where i treat relationships as a transaction, dropping guys like used napkins, when someone new comes along…
April 18th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
huh? ano raw? what phase? ay naku … masyadong dinidibdib ang pagiging single. what’s wrong with being single anyway?
April 19th, 2007 at 12:55 am
Migs, I felt the same way as you around 2 years ago. At that point in my life, I’ve all but given up on love. I was sure that I’d grow old single. And then, when I least expected it, someone came along who exceeded all my unrealistic expectations and we’ve been together ever since. Sometimes, I wonder about my hubby: What if we’ve met earlier? Would things still be the same? Tingin ko hindi. We met just at the right moment in our lives. So, just be patient, Migs. He’ll come along. It’s just a matter of when.
April 19th, 2007 at 6:26 am
MIGS enjoy life. Your entering a stage that you think is being in a state of paranoia but I think it’s just being ‘cautious but willing’.
Try watching ‘Sleepless in Seattle’. You might miss that ‘MAGIC’.
Got to believe in MAGIC!
April 19th, 2007 at 6:55 am
Migs, you are such a romantic. But seriously, it has only been a few months, so it is understandable to be a little cautious. Or maybe, you are just being too picky (just kidding). Actually, I think we are all picky. I’ve never been “swept-away†by anybody either. I think, maybe, the media’s idealized potential partner makes it very difficult for any of us to find “the oneâ€. The influence and reach of the media is global with today’s technology and the media put together this composite potential partner by combining all the desirable attributes (looks, education, achievements, style or charisma, income and talent) and presents this person to us as the ideal. It is very, very rare to find this idealized composite person in real life. Actually it is impossible. No wonder we are all frustrated, and I’m afraid the search might take us some time. In the mean time, I’m sure we can occupy ourselves with other interesting and productive pursuits. For me, personal improvement is a constant thing and I don’t do it in preparation for a potential partner but rather because it is part of my personal growth. But SOC is absolutely right. There are so many needs out there that can use smart and talented people in order to help improve the lives of those in need and the needs of society in general. Join a group, an advocacy, and a cause or do some volunteering. You’ll never know, perhaps by taking the focus off ourselves and by enlarging our social sphere, we might just improve the odds to cross-path with “the oneâ€.
April 19th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Breathe, Migs, breathe..If somebody out there is meant for you, then, I think you should just let fate intervene when the time is right for you to meet him. In the meantime, just go on with your life: work, play, travel.
April 19th, 2007 at 9:00 am
“Hair has always been important.”
April 19th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Soc asks Migs: “is there more to you than corporate work, romance, sex, fitness? I’d love to see….”
O ano Migs, is it time for MGG Annex: Of Socio-Service instead of “serbis”, Homospirituality, Tech-Gays and other Non-Fab Topics That Gays Are Into?
April 19th, 2007 at 10:20 am
LOVE AFTER LOVE
by Derek Walcott
The time will come
When, with elation
You will greet yourself arriving
At your own door, in your own mirror,
And each will smile at the other’s welcome.
And say, sit here, Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
To itself, to the stranger who has loved you
All your life, whom you ignored
For another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookself,
The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Soc said…
Thank you for your suggestions, Soc. Allow me though to say that I disagree with your statement above. No worries though, I am comfortable with disagreements. It was never my intention to make this blog a representation of all that is gay; quite the opposite, I wanted a very niche blog. I welcome you to come up with your own blog that highlight other topics that you suggested. You can count on me visiting and supporting your good ideas. Indeed there is beauty in diversity.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:22 am
MIGS: Truly, you really are a shining example for world peace.
Haylaveth!
April 19th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Hi!
It’s my first time posting here. Been viewing your site for quite a long time.
You have a very insteresting blog about gay life. I’ve just recently come into terms with my sexuality when I met my soulmate. Since then, I knew that I was really gay (although I don’t act and dress like other gay men because I still want to leave a piece of my sexuality that the creator gave me)
Anyway, I think you’ll just have to wait. As they all say, “Good things come to those who wait”. Eventually, someone will find you. And don’t get paranoid about being single. Enjoy life while you are. Remember, you don’t need to be loved in order to realize that you are a person. Besides, when you get into a relationship again, you’ll know that you’ll get hurt (sadly, that’s the truth). Just wait, he’ll come to you in no time
April 19th, 2007 at 11:35 am
moving on takes time, don’t rush it. ’cause if you do, chances are you won’t be able to really move on. but don’t close your doors. when the right one comes, you’ll know, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve waited. And regarding your standards, people set them, but upon meeting someone they like, that someone is always an exception to those standards anyway.
by the way, can I link you to my blog? i am currently working on the lay-out. i’m hopeful i’ll be able to finish within the week.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:54 am
migs, with that response to soc, i admire you more. yes, the world will be much better with diverse, tolerant views.
i think you are a beautiful person, migs. i hope we organize one event that gathers all visitors to your site, so we know you more. cheers!
April 19th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
hi migs. i empathize with you. the key word in your musings, and the other posts, is “expectation”. yeah, we all got it and we expect something from anyone. but believe me, when you meet mr right, it might seem like he’s “mr wrong” bec he doesn’t meet your expectations. the important thing here is that you be able to love… and to live a life that you can be proud of. and then, when mr right comes along… you’ll know. it won’t be like magic but it’ll feel “right”. good luck on your road to getting over a love lost. love this site.
April 19th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
migs…. my coffee invitation to you got avalanched by all these comments…. waaaaa.
1) yes or no?
2) makati or ortigas?
3) this week or next week?
4) UCC or Starbucks or Figaro or home-brewed coffee in my place?
Soc’s comment is the only one that got my attention…. (Soc, coffee with us?) =)
Dave
April 19th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
don’t rush things… and remember nobody’s perfect.. we are the ones who should make them perfect for us… enjoy the good things you have right now and i’m pretty sure the one for you will come!
April 19th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Migz, I empathize. Breaking up isn’t easy. Well neither is being alone. So buckle up for the friends are friends season. I have something sad to say though. I met this guy who was for all intents and purposes the one who took my breath away. I practically was his. And when I asked to go further, he declined. Why can’t things stay as they were? Because the reason one intends to maintain the status quo is because there’s some evident benefit that one gets from it. I was the querida.
I didn’t know, until I had fallen so deep it took me two years to finally put my foot down and take a long hard look at what I wanted.
And after I did that I said, no more guys with the qualities that belittle me, no matter how hot. I want somebody who can be the one, if not for all time, then while the time is now. And I will be his too.
You know?
I got him. He’s got me.
We got problems.
We got joy.
We have hopes.
We have fears.
We have a friendship, and we have secrets.
What makes this one different is that I am not mad about him. I have passion yes, but I not going to be incapacitated if he leaves me. He might hurt me, he might create sadness, but all leaving does that. So what can I do?
I will live.
As long as living means I am me, and I am true to me and to whomever would love create for me that place where my arms may be the arms for him and me.
Know what you want. Know who you are. See why you aren’t attracting what you desire? Maybe what you desire and what you are harping on are totally different from the reality of who you are.
Hugs migs, you got your friends. Why don’t you take that coffee thingy. Harharhar har. I would you know? Even if its not a , if its just coffee and chatting. Even if it doesn’t even end up in friendship or even love.
Connect.
From Howard’s End, just connect.
And enjoy the remains of the day.
April 19th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
By the way, I’d give you my number. You already have my friendster.
Mga mambabasa, offer migs something. He does so much for us na. I have a birthday leave coming on, I would love to have coffee and chatting with you. I may not be Dodong material (which I think we all want but know we can’t have unless we’re ZsaZsa or Ada) but I know a kindred soul when I hear one.
Migz email me na lang sa friendster ko. I check that more often than not.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Just have faith that he will come your way. You’ll know it’s him because you’ll feel it. Just make sure that when you find him, you’ll take care of him.
Btw, you can add me to your Friendster / YM list.
You can chat with me sometime if you find me online. sEE yA!
April 20th, 2007 at 9:33 am
well ano lang yan denial, acceptance…den death…
i miss the bitchy remarks of anton maton a.k.a. ang messstresssss(ahihihihihih)
at hi to josh…
eto na ang pagkakataon na mag kita kita tayo!!!kaya:
dave sali kami lahat sa coppi lebre mu ba???ahahahhahahaah
April 20th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
ok ko dyan jholou, pero mag maskara ko ha. C andrew ano nang nangyari? bawal na kaya sa work nila mag mgg?
April 20th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
hi jholou … oh well what can i say? walang masyadong issue kasi eh. kaya eto .. kina-career ko na lang ang paghahanap ng taong gagawin akong isang querida! para naman masabi kong akoy isang fulfilled - literally and figuratively! hahahahah!
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 pm
@ dave - no, i’m not ignoring you, in fact i emailed you but the address you gave was incorrect.
April 23rd, 2007 at 4:06 pm
@dave - just email me
April 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm
thanks migs. ‘ hope you’ll get it …with my cell number. see you soon.
April 28th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
im one of those people who say… “what’s wrong with being single… ang saya kaya maging single”…
is it because i have never been in love? have i? na-confuse tuloy ako.
migs do you listen to pop/love songs. pls don’t. i don’t mean to be judgemental, but pansin ko lang sa mga taong senti when it comes to relationships, they have a bad taste in music. i swear+promise most of the time they’re silly. i mean those POP songs. there are non-pop love song na ang galing talaga. i hope you can distinguish them.
now i feel silly.