Gay OFW + Straight Tambay
Here’s a letter, a cry for help from one of our readers, asking for advise regarding his situation. In summary, he is an OFW Nurse in the United Kingdom, in love with a Philippine-based, soon-to-get-married bum back home. I think this is one good proof that when one is in a sticky situation, the circumstances seem to be much more complicated than they really are; and when we are the one watching someone else stuck in something, it seems the situation is so simple we wonder why he chooses to remain stuck. Read on, and feel free to share your thoughts.
Dear Migs,
i have read a lot of stories on the homo-confused section of the manila gay guy website. i know my story is quite common but i want an answer for my own problem.
i must admit that i am gay. i felt this feeling since i was in high school but never entertained it and even when i was in college. all my friends are straight and everybody in my community respects me. alam mo naman sa provinces mataas respect nila sayo if degree holder ka and you keep your feet on the ground so lahat ng friends ko and kumpares are either tricycle drivers, tambays and sunog-baga. i had 3 gf’s before, had sex with them but i enjoy more when im having sex with men. my first sexual encounter with a guy was when i was in saudi.i will not discuss the relationship into detail as he is not the subject of my problem.
i am an ofw nurse in uk, and 35 years old. i have this friend of mine, 27 years old (tambay nga) back home. he is one of my drinking buddies. we drink everywhere and go to beerhouses everytime im on my vacation. i have a crush on him but obviously i couldn’t let him know for the fear of rejection and humiliation. everytime we are drunk, i always put my hand on his shoulders or my head on his lap pretending that i’m very drunk and so at least my elbow could feel his cock. my friends sleep in my room from time to time including him.
one night, it was only him who slept in my room and we were not very drunk then. i slept beside him and hugged him as if i was drunk. i don’t know for some reason he said he loves me. i was very surprised and got very excited. he then kissed me in my chest down to my groin but he never sucked me. obviously i have to undress him as this was the oportunity i’ve been long waiting for. i kissed him and sucked his dick. i said i love him as well.but the feeling of love during that time was not in full bloom (that was 2005) as i thought that he just wants money from me. but everytime I’m on vacation he keeps telling me that he loves me and we always schedule it to have sex twice a week, until i felt deeply in love with him.
last may, i started giving him money. in our 2 1/2 years of being on, i know he had gf’s and we always argue with that. then he dumped one. the problem now is that his other gf is pregnant and he’s getting married in january but he told me that he still loves me. it’s just that he has to accept his responsibilty. he texts me even in front of his would-be wife. he said he will always love me till forever. walang iwanan laging txt nya at sinasabi sa akin. he had texted me countless ilove u’s. payag din siya na mag-hotel kami sa manila pag-uwi ko this december at pauuwiin nya muna asawa nya.
my question is… is he gay?? mahal daw nya ako at mahal din nya asawa nya kaya he doesn’t want any of us to let go. nung nag away kami i told him na gay din sya at maraming gay ang may anak but he vehemently denied it. pero ni katiting na “gayness” wala talagang makikita sa kanya. kahit na he keeps on insisting that he is straight, mahal na mahal pa rin daw niya ako. he promised that we will always be together once i get back home this december and carry on with our escapades. he even said that he will still sleep with me even if he’s about to be married. (by the way, when we sleep together, we sleep naked and he hugs me and put his legs on top of me. he hasn’t penetrated me yet though but he agreed when i asked him if we can try.he doesn’t like the idea of kissing lips to lips but agrees from time to time. in fact we kissed each other in a chowking restaurant toilet one morning when we took our breakfast and we were the only customers upstairs. do you think he really loves me? what about his wife? i told him not to get married unless his wife knows or else he will be hunted by his conscience.he said he will tell her but not soon.i don’t want people to discover our relationship but we agreed that just in case, we will tell them the truth that we both love each other.
shall i carry on with our relationship? mahal na mahal ko siya at sa sobrang lungkot ko at kaiiyak nung nakabuntis sya wala na akong nagawa but to call my bro and admit it with him that i’m not straight. it’s good he understands. initially nagalit bf ko nang sabihin ko na alam na ni kuya but we are ok now. he said he feels ashamed if he will see my bro but he really loves me so he said let us carry on.
do you think he really loves me or he only wants money form me now that i left him an ATM? please reply.i know you will be of help. im getting married next year by the way. my would be “wife” knows that im getting married for the purpose of keeping my relationship with my bf plus i look into possibility of having may own child/children.
i hope to receive a non-judgemental response. i’m afraid na pag hiniwalayan ko bf ko hindi na ako makakita ng straight(kung straight nga) na kagaya nya and ayoko manligaw ng lalaki kasi nga baka maupakan ako.i really love my bf.i really do.kung sex lang hanap ko maraming call boy sa manila at kahit dito sa uk.but i really really love him.even my work was affected.i feel ok now that we are exchanging i love u’s again.but until when are we going to hide it from his wife? he said sasabihin din nya in due time.marami pa syang sinabi about our rrelationship at makakaya nya hiwalayan asawa nya but not with his would-be child (obviously). i hope to receive a reply from you and your readers.
From: Kenny, the OFW Nurse in UK
Comment on guys, Kenny is reading. World Peace!
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July 12th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Asus, kahaba ng kwento! Dump him, the end!
July 12th, 2007 at 7:54 am
Hi Kenny,
Here’s a thought for you.
You are a smart 35 year old professional nurse working in the UK. But like anybody else, yes, when it comes to love and relationship, being in the closet, is like looking for love in total darkness. And this is when we become kindergartens or neophytes committing a lot of mistakes.
I would say - - - there are different kinds of LOVE. And it all depends on what you are after that is the KEY towards your problem. Ano ba talaga ang hinahanap mo?
If you are looking for a long term GAY relationship THEN there is a very small chance of achieving this in the situation you are in right now.
But If you are happy being in the closet and loving another person who is also hiding in the closet, then you have to prepare yourself for a lot of heartaches and difficulties. I know a lot of people though who are in this arrangement.
So it is really up to you.
The roads to truly being happy is when you are Free. Free to kiss your beloved in public. To hold him. To have him. To share and enjoy life together without fear and embarrasment.
Goodluck to you my dear!
July 12th, 2007 at 8:46 am
hi kenny–
here’s the awful truth:
1. yes, he’s gay. and the annoying thing is he’s in denial. you deserve much, much more than this man.
2. well, yes, siguro naman he loves you in way, but what he loves even more is the relative safety and security that your money provides.
3. carry on with the relationship? i think it’s pretty obvious what i think. but to reiterate: you deserve much, much more!
July 12th, 2007 at 9:45 am
1. oo naman, gay din siya.. diba nga, gayness do vary in mysterious ways.. it can be seen, felt or experienced..
2. LOVE? well, mahirap din kasi na sagutin yan.. ako din naman, i fall for someone at nagiging kami for years, pero hindi naman ganon ka strong ang foundation.. 2 1/2 yrs does not justify a good foundation, kasi your both in the closet. sabi nga nila, natanggalan na nga ng HASANG, eh malansa pa rin.. Pretension is not a key for love..
friendship siguro pwede pa.. di ba nga sa kissing nyo, aloof pa rin siya..
3. carry on with the relationship?i guess that is something relative that is for you to answer…
if your happy, fine, at least masaya ka sa ginigawa mo.. kung hindi ka na happy, stop mo na kasi niloloko mo na lang ang sarili mo nun. di ba nga, taung mga gay, para taung mga sponge na absorb ng absorb.. pain, happiness etc..
Good luck sau & God Bless!!!!
Stay beautiful!!!
July 12th, 2007 at 9:48 am
I will not kid with you. It seems that you are creating a very sh*** situation for yourself. You have to remember that if it’s a life with him that you want, then it has to be just you and him. There is no compromise on this. The scenario you are currently in just won’t cut it. I know you are in love but you should think of the future. At present, it seems okay to maintain the situation. I’m telling you that it won’t be like this if you both continue that path you are on. I don’t believe that you can love two persons or more the same way, at the same time. If you want to settle for less or be the reason for him loving another person not as much, then it’s up to you. But if you ask me, you really should just move on.
One last thing, believe that as long as you are living the possibility and the reality of finding love exists.
July 12th, 2007 at 10:21 am
hi kenny,
i agree with miguel… you deserve someone better.
i know all of us want to have someone to love. being gay and being in the closet make it more difficult for us to do so. but that doesn’t mean that we should settle for anything less. i would not want to judge your bf on the issue of whether or not he is keeping you because of the financial security that you give him. but one thing is clear. he has decided to marry the woman who’s carrying his child. while he made promises that he would eventually tell his wife and that he is ready to leave her, ask yourself this: would you be genuinely happy having him even though you know that others (the woman and the kid) would be hurt?
you wouldn’t want to be a home wrecker, would you?
if you’d ask me, i’d rather be single than be a third party.
and again, you deserve someone better. i hope this helps.
July 12th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I have this rule: Never date someone who doesn’t know himself. It always turns out to be a mess. Don’t lose hope. The ONE who’s really for you is out there….
July 12th, 2007 at 10:37 am
What a mess. I just got a headache (actually, a migraine) after reading this convoluted scenario. In order to ease my migraine, well, actually it should be your migraine – please, please simplify your life. I think it is obvious that you love him but sometimes love is not enough. Set conditions for yourself and for him:
- He can only love you, not the for-show wife (he is not entitled to ruin somebody else’s life, yours or the wife)
- You can’t have a for-show wife even if you decide to stay in the closet (you are not entitled to ruin somebody else’s life)
- Nobody can force you both to come out of the closet but please don’t use other people as covers
- Adopt a child, or if you can afford it, have a surrogate to carry your child
- He can and should provide for the child, he doesn’t need to marry the girlfriend
- If he is really needy, set an ATM limit. Be smart; protect your hard-earned Euro. You are not getting any younger
- He should find a job. If it is not possible to find a job, he should go back to vocational school. It is not healthy for both of you, for him to be doing nothing. If he protests, he loves your money, not you.
- You were wrong for giving him money and allowing him to have girlfriends. He lost respect for you. He was using you.
- He tells you that he loves you but he is not willing to show you that he loves you (by not marry another person). He needs to choose.
- Kissing is more intimate than sex. That is why prostitutes never kiss their Johns. In most societies deep kissing is the ultimate act of love. Have a deep kissing sesion with him. If he is repulsed by the idea, he is either straight or he doesn’t love you. Either way, it means he loves your money more.
If these conditions are not met, you are setting yourself for more complications and heartaches. Simplify your life, you’ll be much happier.
July 12th, 2007 at 11:29 am
Totally agree with all of Ace’s point. Especially in taking on a wife just out of convenience. I don’t understand, when looking for love, some people would bind themselves to a loveless relationship. It’s almost comedic in its tragedy. Why do we have a need to over complicate our own lives is a conundrum that I will never understand.
I must say, and I don’t mean to be insulting, neither of you are ready to be in any type of relationship. Both of you will just feed off each other’s neurosis.
There are just too many issues here to tackle all at the same time. You need to start unraveling them soon for your own peace of mind.
I’m a former OFW myself. I stayed overseas for 7 years before deciding to move back to Manila just a few months ago. So I understand the problems of having a long distance relationship. If I read it correctly, you guys barely have any foundation for the relationship at all. Sure you may have that month (at most, 2 if you are lucky) in a year when you would fly back to Manila, but that is really more of a fling than a relationship. Relationships are multi-faceted, sure you can communicate through the phone, through text messages, emails what have you, but there is also the need to grow physically together. Trust me, I know this….there is only so much that love can accomplish. You are on a path of self-destruction (I know melodramatic much?) and it looks like you are about to take someone on that path as well, your future “wife” and I don’t think you are realizing the severity of this.
In the end the only question you need to answer is to yourself. That given all that you mentioned…can you honestly tell yourself that besides loving him dearly and he loving you dearly, he is the person that will give you peace of mind, emotional support when you need it, that he is your safe place in your troubled world? That your love for each other is worth ruining several people’s lives?
July 12th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Kenny, you would do well listening to and following the accumulated wisdom of these loyal MGG readers, whom I have found to be very sensible and progressive in their views. Ace, Saikee, Miguel, Ian, Jase, these are people whose counsel you should heed. Indeed, you deserve better than your boyfriend, who, I am sorry to say, is a user. I cannot abide closeted gay men who would get married and deceive a woman just so they can appear “normal” to the rest of society. If you insist on sticking with your bf, Jase is right, expect a lot of heartaches and difficulties. Listen to Ace: simplify your life. Good luck!
July 12th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
i agree with ace.
sa akin naman, ang isang mistake ay di na dapat masundan pa ng isang mistake.
from your story alone (na halos ikawindang ko dahil sa mga similarities to previous experiences), its too complicated at this point. you two are vulnerable to hurting each other and the people surrounding you, especially his wife. You could’ve stopped it the moment you learned about his preggy gf. (tas ngayun married pa ay day! HIRAM? choz!)
now is the time to straighten things out. I understand the feeling of choosing between deciding whether to go on with the complicated relationship with a confused fella or ending it and move one, end all life’s complications and start over.
tulad ng sabi nila ^ dun sa taas, you deserve someone better. it hurts, oo, pag nag decide ka to end the ‘closeted’ relationship (very very brokeback!) but my advise to you is think and analyze if your future decisions to this dilemma are beneficial for your long-term happiness..your OWN long-term happiness.
*sigh, kaya mo yan..
July 12th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
just be urself…. world peace! may masabi lang hekhek cheer up gurl kaloka na sasad ako huhuhu!
July 12th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
your “boyfriend” is what we call gay for pay… if he doesn’t admit that he is gay then he doesn’t love you … he can’t have it both ways… he needs to choose , you or his baby mama
Also don’t be surprised … everybody knows your gay , they’re just too polite to tell you ….
July 12th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Hi kenny.
Well,the only person who could tell you whether or not he really loves you or just faking it is him.
Nobody can tell you the truth except him. And you, actually.
He says he loves you and you believe him, then that’s it. You doubt him. Then that’s it.
A person can perfect a lie but he/she can never persuade another person into believing in him/her if the other party is just not willing to and too smart enough to be fooled.
Or a person can actually tell the truth but sucks at telling the truth that it’s almost insane to believe.
You know in your heart what’s the truth as much as you know, after 35 years, what’s real and what’s not.
Sure we can always choose to live in our little world of illusions and in the end, we can always have ourselves to blame for living in that lie.
But what if that world of illusion feels to real we find happiness in it? And what if that world, no matter how make-believe it is, is after all, real?
What I am saying is that, at the end of the day, all that will be left to you is nothing and no one but your self. No one else.
So go ask yourself: Am I happy? Am I not? Am I being used? Am I not? Will I be happy with him? Will he be happy with me? Will he be happy without me? Can I make it without him? Can I make it alone?
And these questions could go on and on, perhaps endlessly and it would really be difficult because at the end of the day, all that’s left in you is no one but yourself.
July 12th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Confused guys are harmful. They’ll kill you with frustration.
Write him off asap
period
July 12th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
hi, kenny.
there are various reasons why he denies that he is gay. there are also a lot of reasons why people fall in love with both sexes. it’s a natural instinct. i don’t think anyone is to blame. i’ve known male friends — both gay and straight — with whom i say “i love you” but never go so far as having sex with them. it’s just that we’re very close to each other that it is genuine love that we feel for each other, and sex or no sex should not change it. it’s because we bloth know our own motives for saying it to each other, that is: that we truly and profoundly love each other, no mater what. bottom line is, you should think about your and his own motivations when you think about saying “i love you” to each other. if you can’t find the real motivation behind it (yours: you truly love him; his: probably because of something else like financial or emotional support), then, think whether or not a full-blown relationship is really in the works. is it really worth it having a go at it with him? especially when, down the track, you know you are also going to hurt other people (his wife-to-be, your wife-to-be)? like someone said in this thread… you are an intelligent and sensible guy, and you deserve all the happiness in the world, like everyone else. will this make you happy, knowing that you’re also hurting other people in grabbing your own slice of the happiness pie?
July 12th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
gay or straight? it doesnt matter.
are you happy? that matters.
will he break your heart? ma….
July 12th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Do you feel safe with him?
Is the sex really that good?
Does he make you feel good about yourself when you are with him?
Can you still take it?
If all answers are positive….
…to hell with what everyone says or think!
Go girl….it is your right to be happy!
…ang sa akin lng nman.
July 12th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
My dear Kenny,
Whatever makes you happy…. go for it….
Don’t think of what other people has to say, its you who will really feel if he loves you or he’s just keeping you for security reasons… Anyway…your on your right age to decide….But asking for me…. letting go of the person whom you really love is like putting your life in chaos… but if everything is not perfectly doing.. better QUIT…GET OUT OF THAT EMOTIONAL TURMOIL… LET GO…. ( sobrang dali savihin, diba… pero sobrang hirap pangatawanan….)
July 12th, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Dearest Kenny,
Do as you please but accept the responsibility that goes with it.
I think its obvious that you know he is using you, like how can you be possibly clueless about it?
What you may not be aware of is that you TOO are using him as well - emotionally. Your reasons for hanging on in your words, is because you don’t think you can ever meet another str8 man for fear of getting punched. That talks about esteem problems. Of course you can find somebody else but you choose to stay on because he’s a convenient excuse to stay safe.
You are in this drama because you chose to be in it. You could have stopped it at any point Kenny. The 1st girlfriend, the 2nd? The first money support/’investment’, the second? Money is power and I’m sure you felt that you had power over him.
So my advice, either you ship out or you shut up.
Take responsibility that you are in this game together - together in this game for fools.
Stop playing the victim bec I honestly find it pathetic.
July 12th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
hi kenny!
I think anybody who has ever been in love would not fail to glimpse, at the very least, the pain and confusion you’re going through at the moment. i’m sorry dear but love, like life, is never as simple as we wish it to be.
much has been said in this forum about your situation and since i find them, as raymond says, sensible and progressive, and as i actually agree with most of them, i shall only add that i hope you will share with us what you decide to do and what the consequence/s of your decision is/are.
with your indulgence, i would also like to tell the story of a gay-straight relationship.
it has been said countless times that a gay-straight relationship is fraught with problems. some people even say it’s impossible.
my best friend had a straight lover for almost 13 years, and the only reason they’re no longer together is because my friend died almost four years ago. i’m sure they’d still be together now if my friend were still alive.
for the first 8 or 9 years of their relationship they lived together most days of the week with my friend’s family, the other days of the week the guy spent with his parents in the province. they rented their own place for the last 3 or 4 years of their time together.
families, immediate and extended, as well as friends on both sides knew of and accepted my friend’s relationship with his straight lover. they attended family gatherings and were generally treated as a couple. the guy was treated as the bereaved spouse during my friend’s wake.
they had problems just like any couple but they never fought about money. my friend allowed his lover to have sex (and sex only!) with girls. he didn’t do it often but whenever he did the straight guy was totally honest with my friend about his sexcapades! my friend was not allowed to have sex (even sex only!) with other guys. my friend solved this lopsided situation by not asking permission!
my friend was a medical doctor who lived in the city but had a passion for country life. his lover on the other hand was born and bred in the province and had a few years of college education.
my friend was an effeminate waif while the guy was a hulking hunk. they called each other mamix (mama) and papix (papa). only strangers would question their love for each other. (the guy admitted to me and my friend though that it took him 3 years before he was able to really love my friend).
when my friend died our circle of gay friends fully expected the straight guy and me to get into a relationship simply because the guy and i were very close. a few months before my friend died he said to me that should anything happen to him, he would not be averse to the idea of me and his lover getting together. he said he knows i’ll take really good care of his lover and that his lover would do the same to me.
but though his lover and i remain very good friends to this day, we have not become more than friends to each other. he told me once that my friend would be the first and last gay he’ll ever love. he has had two hetero relationships since my friend died and is now married and about to become a father.
whenever i recall my friend’s story, it gives me hope. because it proves that love can exist even between the most unlikely couple.
i hope you find the same kenny. god bless.
July 12th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Kenny,
Maybe this love has taken its toll on you.
You can’t demand fidelity and equality when society won’t respect you and this guy’s union.
I think, that let him be.
Real love has hope in it and it always manages to come back. Just like energy. It never gets destroyed. Just transformed.
Many men have lovers who are married.
Since its not the morality of such things that you want to hear, may you should hear the truth about men falling in love with men.
It is the highest thing, yet the loneliness thing.
To be loved and loved back.
Then…?
Very few gay men have answered that question of life together with enough love and faith and hope (parang biblia na ata ako) that the answer to that is come and see.
I don’t agree to open relationships. I don’t agree in being a third party.
So maybe, you should feel this love for what it is. The love that can’t be strong on its own.
And once you’ve accepted that, you should brush yourself of the dust. Wash your face and get rid of the tears.
Then thank God and the experience for teaching you a lesson.
Then learn the next one. To love and be loved truly for who you are.
Then maybe….
July 12th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
hes not gay….hes straight..if hes gay and he loves you very well then he will not marry that girl he impregnated…
hes just after your money….
do you really love him?
pwes its a wrong love…
cmon swetie you deserve a better man!!!
a man that has no bagage…a man that is true to himself…
July 12th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
ang haba ng kuwento … ang tiyaga ng lola niyo! at ang haba rin ng mga sagot! ang tiyaga talaga ng mga lola ko! mukhang mga tambay din yata kayo!
ay naku … sige lang! maging isa kang querida! hahahaha!
mabuhay ang mga querida!
ps. pag ikaw naging querida, 4 words: ANG TANGA-TANGA MO!!!!!!
the one and only,
anton maton
July 12th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Well, you know what, i know how it feels and believe me, i feel you, but i just dont know the depth of your emotions. while i was going over your messages i really feel sad for you. I mean, a love like this, it should last, and it should not be given away, hmm.. if i am to say,
allow yourself to listen to the truth.. ask him to tell him you he really wants, to be with you or to be with her, and if he gives you the same alibies then tell him, such does not exist, and a heart, in its purest for could not and could never be broken apart and into two in the matter..
second is, do not get married for all the wrong reasons, what your doing is leading yourself to autogeddon. If you really love him and if you reallly believe that true love exists then i see no reason why you should tie yourself with someone who in the first place never had your heart.
i believe so much that even if one should die alone for the sake of pure and great love then so be it. finding reasons for the approval of your actions would get you nowhere and would take you off corse.
Just love, and love, and love, and love some more until one day you would realize and you would be enlightened of the things that you really want, and maybe, i suppose, and im sure, when the right time comes, your heart will know where to lead you back to the right path..
may the the force of love be with you…
July 12th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
Kenny,
Its very obvious, he’s only after your money…he’s also selfish, to think that he’s into relationship..eh nakuha pang makipag girlfriend ( i hate those people na to cover up their personality (being gay), eh nanloloko ng babae)…Wake up dude…im also an overseas worker and we know how hard to earn money…dont waste your time with him…marami pa dyan…am also base here in UK (nurse)punta ka lang sa pub maraming blue eyes hehehe…No seriously forget about him and look for something better and more deserving than him..yun lang..
July 12th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
mga gaga kayong lahat, ang hahaba ng sagot nyo sa mahabang kwento ni… (ayan nakalimutan ko na ang name ng letter sender sa haba ng kwento)
pwes, ito lang masasabi ko sayo lola.
1. do you really love yourself? or you live thinking that you are defect-ed (-ive, whateva), that it is only through romantic love affairs you get to cover up some frustrations? hey lola, think, search for what your soul wants, no one (gay, straight, undefined) will ever complete you. you before what you are right now, survived, and even if you lose everything and end up just with your birthday suit, you will still survive.
2. hey lola, ganda ng lola ko, mag isip isip ka naman, do you really want to hear advices, or do you just want to hear what you want to hear (do you hear what i hear). because it’s quite or very very very yes yes yo obvious, that a) you are doomed and it is only you! you! yes you! not him! not them! who can uplift your self from the putikan na kinasadlakan mo b) nasasarapan sya with experiments with you at your expense, you are just to be charged to his experience, pero love? he does not love you! (opinyon ko lang to base sa kwento mo inday) c) magulo ka din kasi, mahal mo sya tapos magpapakasal ka din, kung nandito ka lang sa tabi ko, nasabunutan kita bruha ka., d) must you carry on? yeah carry on with your life, carry on fightin your own battles, if sometimes your prey quits, then by default winner ka na, don’t keep fighting for an ended battle. move on.
ANG PAYO KO LANG SAYO, masarap magmahal, kasi masarap naman talaga (circular logic). pero tanggapin mo na na sa kagaya mo, o maaaring sa gaya nating lahat, may mga bagay talaga na di tumatagal, unahan lang naman yan kung sino unang magsasawa, kaya kung anu meron ngayon sayo, ienjoy mo, kung mahal ka ng mahal mo, that’s good fate is confluent to your desires, ienjoy mo yun, gastusan mo, iyakan mo sa saya, gawin mo lahat, magpakabaliw ka. pero lagi mo lang tatandaan, mag iwan ka ng konting katinuan sa sarili mo, para kung matapos at magulat ka kung bakit biglang nawala lahat lahat, e matino ka pa din at kaya mong hugutin ang sarili mo sa panandalian kabaliwan. tanggapin mo, na di lahat ng bagay tumatagal. ikaw, ako, lahat tayo nagsasawa. nagkataon lang na nauna syang nagsawa sayo, pero sa huli, di rin talaga magwowork yan (with 95% confidence level).
basta, ang last ng payo ko sayo, next time be concise ha, ayoko kasi paulit ulit na sentences.
thanks and be good.
move on, up and down and all around.
you will survive.
chuva!
July 13th, 2007 at 12:03 am
thanks to all the advice folks. as i’ve told migs, i emailed him so i can have a non-judgemental comments from you guys. this is my very first time to be madly in love like this. i fell in love with my first arab bf but i knew since then that it won’t last coz i knew we will separate after my contract ends. eric, he said he will marry her coz he has to but not bec he likes to. again sa lahat ng advice na maganda, thank you very very much.i know dumping him this soon is easier said than done..i will try but the problem is that i can’t avoid not to see him when i go home bec he’s my neighbor.if not, then it will be easier. but anyway, thanks once again guys. i wouldn’t mention your names one by one. you all know i’m thanking you. hindi lang ako sanay sa relationship na ganito. next time alam ko na.
July 13th, 2007 at 12:31 am
hi kenny,
-first off i really hope you find your own happiness..being in love does not mean being happy all the time..keep that in mind..
-clearly he is only gay when u & your money are there
-i really think you should break it off with this “tambay”..i know you love him (as what you have been saying over & over on your post) but for someone who cannot be true to himself, he does not deserve true love from you..
-seriously, prioritize yourself nman..kayang kaya mo syang hiwalayan, dapat nga sya naghahabol sau eh, if he really loves you..
-i do not get why you have to marry just for the sake of having kids..getting married is a death sentence for u..don’t do something that, i think, you will regret..maghanap k nlng ng surrogate..& don’t hurt the girl’s feelings just so you can satisfy ur own..maawa ka dun sa girl..
-cancel the ATM of ur boyfriend..why are u giving him money in the 1st place?
-you know more than i do that there are a lot better guys here & in the UK than ur “tambay” boyfriend..this is the time to “test the waters” so to speak..have the time of your life..u r in the UK..take this oppurtunity to mingle..
-as a nurse myself, don’t take ur baggages to work..u can kill someone..don’t let this guy take over your carrer & most especially ur life..u know u deserve better..
July 13th, 2007 at 1:18 am
Both of you are gays!!! That is a fact.
Both of you are in denial!!!
There is economic dynamics in the relationship one is benefiting and one is sacrificing, in other words me isang nagagamit at IKAW yon. Alam mo naman ang dahilan kung bakit ka nya mini-maintain una, siguro enjoy din sya sa sex sa iyo kasi bakla nga rin sya, pangalawa siguro nga mahal ka nya, pero di mahal na mahal kasi confuse rin sya sa iyo kasi di ka pa rin naman out sa closet mo. Ganun din sya. Di mo naman sya kayang hiwalayan sa tingin ko dahil lasing ka sa pagmamahal sa kanya, at kahit alam mo sa sarili mo na walng patutunguhan ang relasyon nyo for a lot of factors na ikaw na rin ang nag mention, di mo kaya sya iwan, dahil simple ang sagot MAHAL mo sya! at NAHIHIBANG ka pa. Ganyan naman talaga tayong mga bakla, ang tatalino natin sa lahat ng bagay PUWERA lang sa usapin ng PUSO. Payo ko sa iyo ganito, mag-off sick ka ng isang buwan tapos mag-holiday ka sa Hungary, or sa Poland lunurin mo ang sarili mo sa tamod at TITE pero practise safe sex ha. Dont swallow and dont do bareback. Makipag-kiss ka pag di pumayag yung guy hanap ka ng ibang papayag. Pagkatapos mong gawin yan pumunta ka sa SOHO sa london manite-ka ng manite. Hanggang sa ma-realize mo there is LIFE other than the grim life with HIM. Tangna! pagmamahal nyan, paiiyakin ka lang nyan, mahalin mo ang sarili mo bro., kasi walang ibang mag-mamamahal sa iyo ng higit sa sarili mo. Protect yourself from harm, damages, so cancell the ATM dont be foolish, bibigyan mo ng PERA hello patay katawan mo sa ka-ka BANK tapos ipamimigay mo pera, sponsoran mo na lang yung mga pinsan mo or kamag-anakan na di makapag-aral, mag-pa aral ka.
Bakla in other words alisin mo ang sarili mo sa hukay ng DEPRESSION ng hindi gumagamit ng PROZAC, tao rin ang bakla kaya nararamdaman mo ang nararamdaman mo. PERO DESISYON mo sa sarili mo ang maging MASAYA. At ang kasama sa sangkap ng pagiging masaya yung maging praktikal. Di na uso ang martir, ang martir pinapatay pagkatapos kinakalimutan. BUTI kung sa sitwasyos mo martir lang ang role mo, pano kung ang role mo sa relasyong yan ay isang malaking TANGA!!! Mahirap yon bro
Mahirap marealize na TANGA ka kasi mahirap bumangon at i-prove sa sarili mo na di ka TANGA. OKay lang ma-inlab sa mahirap basta nag-strive sila, okay lang magpakatanga sa pag-ibig pa minsan minsan pero pag MADALAS na OLAY na yon. Dapat TARUSH ka as in kabugera ka.
OKay pero it will start by accepting your reality… and your reality is that you are different because you are gay…Its up to you talaga, yung mga words dito cheap kasi at the end of the day… ITS ALL UP TO YOU!!!
GOODLUCK SA IYO
July 13th, 2007 at 1:30 am
dear kenny,
una sa lahat nais kong sabihin na tunay ngang nakakalungkot yang pinasok mong sitwasyon. hindi lang bato ang pinulot mo para ipukpok sa ulo mo, sinamahan mo pa ng basag na bote saka tubo. hindi ko naman sinasabi na kasalanan mong umibig dahil karamihan sa atin ay dumaan dyan. pero hindi mo ma-de-deny na dumaan din sa isip mo na baka this is too-good-to-be-true. sa isyu kung bading ba siya o hindi, kebs na ito dahil nahada mo na naman siya. maraming bakla dyan na hanggang tingin lang. ngayon you are asking if you should carry on with this, sa tingin ko naman alam mo kung ano ang dapat mong gawin. kung tunay mang pagibig ito hindi ka dapat nahihirapan ng ganyan. sa tingin mo ba pinagdadaanan din niya ang ganyan. at nagiisip din siya na humingi ng payo kay migs? subukan mo kayang huwag magbigay ng pera, ano sa tingin mo ang magiging reaksyon niya? magagalit ba siya? o mase-selos na baka meron ka nang iba? o magiging malamig na siya sayo? neng sa tingin ko hindi sapat na mahal mo siya at mahal ka niya dahil pinapahirapan lang ang mga loob niyo (assuming na nahihirapan din siya). gawin mo kung ano sa tingin mo ang dapat. and kung ano mng dapat ang gawin niya that only speaks kung ano ang kahihinatnan ng relasyon niyo.
setsuna
July 13th, 2007 at 2:10 am
kenny,
life is full of so many choices.
for me, if you really wanted to have a family (wife & children) the relationship w/ the guy must end. it will be unfair on both parties. you must try to be contented with one partner in life. make sure one at time.
if you choose, both. your life will be miserable in the coming years. if you still enjoying your life w/ the guy just go on, dont enter yet to marriage life.
where do u stay here in uk. you can give me a call at my mobile # 07707661011.
try to visit this site. song of love and healing from kris aquino .
http://deep08rose17.imeem.com/playlist/E7UNGXQp/
gud luck.
sterling mark
July 13th, 2007 at 2:11 am
oo nga, yung sinabi nilang lahat! hehehe.
try the four-way test.
1.Is it the TRUTH?
2.Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3.Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
4.Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
sorry, wala akong maisip. ang hirap kasi ng situation mo. basta kung saan ka masaya, at kung saan wala kang masasaktan na kahit sino, kasama na ang sarili mo, dun ka!
July 13th, 2007 at 2:18 am
Yes, he loves your MONEY.
Don’t give him money and find the truth if he still loves you.
And don’t give me that crap about “oh I love him, I cannot do that to him”.
The truth is.. he still loves your money.
July 13th, 2007 at 5:43 am
Do u see any future with this guy?
Not anymore!
Therefore u have to let go!
July 13th, 2007 at 7:05 am
If you love a person, iisipin mo pa ba ang pera? Aminin na natin na parte ang pera ng relasyong tulad ng sa atin. Maybe may isang purpose ka sa kaniya… if that purpose is to provide, you can adjust naman kung how much di ba? Not necessarily ibigay mo ang ATM card mo. Minsan ka lang mabuhay, kung mahal mo, go for it and trust him. At least alam mo na nakatulong ka pa, at hindi napariwara buhay mo sa ibang lalaki. Hope this message made sense.
July 13th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Looks like you already know the answer to your problem but you just want to validate it from other people’s opinions. But what I can tell you instead is try to assimilate yourself with the gay community. Un-complicate things. Believe me, there are other people out there who are ready to love you without the burden your friend is carrying.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:38 am
alam mo kenny, tama si experienced what you went through and it was extremely painful. yung feeling mo with the guy when you’re with him, i also felt that. parang ayaw mong matapos kasi sobrang sarap. pero ang sa iyo kasi may ATM factor pa. Ako wala, but I was madly in love as well. Mahirap kong sabihin (like what most people have been advising you) na hiwalayan mo ang bf mo kasi you are in love nga. Pero given the situation you are in, I would like to warn you that the next stage in your life is loss of self-esteem, then depression.
When your bf gets married, you will perpetually be bothered by why’s and where’s. Bakit niya ginawa yun? Asan siya ngayon? And when you do that, the guy will gradually fade before your eyes. This is what one author (sorry, forgot his name), the Passion Paradox. And the more you push yourself forward for the relationship, the guy will pull himself backward, away from you. Eto, my friend, ang simula ng loss of self-esteem mo.
You know what I did? First, I kept myself busy. Trabaho lang ng trabaho. Second, I reconnected with my friends. You never mentioned it but I surmise that your world revolves around your bf alone. Reconnect with your friends. Third, everytime I felt bad about myself, I would talk to myself: “this is just a feeling, this is just a feeling, this is just a feeling. Hindi naman ako ganito nuon. I need to get out of this.” Kasi naman, edukado ka, may pera, may utak, pero bakit unti-unting nawawala confidence mo sa sarili mo? Kasi nga, ang buhay mo nakasalalay na sa AFFIRMATION ng iba.
Buti na lang at nangibabaw pa rin ang mataas na tingin ko sa sarili ko. I must tell you ang HIRAP. Ang sarap nga kasi ng feeling eh. Pero tama ang iba sa itaas, if you love yourself, start doing something to wean you away from him. Start with the ATM card. Sabihin mo you are running out of money, then watch how he will react. Again, keep yourself busy. Reconnect with other friends. Or whatever. Just remember, if you continue with this relationship, your life will go downhill. Rescue it!!!
July 13th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Asus, ang hahaba ng comments …
tambay,walang trabaho ata …
Free ATM ..
Siempre love ka niya …
July 13th, 2007 at 11:22 am
MsNinja ur so damn right!!!
one more thing kenny…do ur self a favor…ur in freakin UK come on go out n fuck every white black arab pinoy there!!!
July 13th, 2007 at 11:49 am
Galing naman ni MsNinja. Pasok sa banga ang comment mo nena!!!
Anton Maton is likewsie korek. Kung kaya ng powers mo ang maging isang Querida at mag shonga-shongahan ever, GO!!!!
July 13th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Mahal ka niya, pero ayaw niyang maki-pag-lips-to-lips.
Mahal mo siya, kaya mo binigyan ng ATM.
Pag-uwi mo sa Dec., hamunin mo ng mag-damagang halikan bout, at kung hindi pumayag, bawiin mo ang ATM.
Bakit ka uuwi sa Dec? Manganganak na ba si gurlfriend at kailangan ng doctor na magpapa-anak sa kanya ng assisting nurse?
Tapos, kukunin ka niyang ninong ng anak niya, kaya ikaw ang mag-hahanda sa binyag.
Mahal ang mag-pa-anak ngayon, ‘Day. Mga 50k na yata ang cesarian. Mga two years ago pa yun. Baka mas mataas na ngayon.
Habang lumalaki ang anak nila, na inaanak mo, ikaw ang mag-papa-gatas habang ginagatasan ang ATM mo. Mga 3 to 5 years din ang pagatas ng bata.
Tapos, pag-kinder na, ikaw pa rin ang mag-papa-aral.
Haaaayyyy, walang katapusan yan, kasi, tambay siya, ikaw ay OFW querida.
Tapos, masusundan pa ng isa, dalawa, baka tatlo pa.
Ang dami mo nang pamangkin…. dadaing at dadaing siya sa iyo. Sa hirap ng buhay sa atin….,
Naranasan ko na po yan.
Pero hindi pa rin ako nadadala. Paminsan-minsan na lang ako nagpapadala ng pera.
Napakasakit, kuya Eddie…..
July 13th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
@ruben: bwehehe! asar talo sayo si kenny..
@eric: mas trip kong comment mo yung “andami namang tumalak” hehehe!
@ghary john: hi gorgeous!
July 13th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
dump him - but i know this is easier said than done.
so i suggest:
PRAY and lift this to the Lord (i’m serious). He’ll help you.
July 14th, 2007 at 1:40 am
LECHE! dapat may word limit ang mga replies dito! abusado kayong mga bakla kayo! bakit? palagay niyo mga tambay din yung mga readers niyo at walang magawa kundi mag-basa ng ka-churvahan niyo?!
July 14th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Wow, I don’t think there’s any other phrase in this world that could be more UNromantic than “we kissed each other in a chowking restaurant toilet one morning” LOL
July 14th, 2007 at 5:03 am
Kenny dear,
It’s all up to you. I agree with some of the opinions, suggestions,comments etc. What i hate about is the ATM thing. Well it’s your money but think all the hardships and sacrifices that you’ve gone through here in the UK. Why dont you just focus yourself travelling and shopping till you drop. Enjoy life! Sooner and later, with God’s help you will find your other half. Cheers!
July 14th, 2007 at 10:59 am
dear kenny,
your boyfriend is a user. if he really love you he should find a job.
days are numbered when you will feed and give money not only to your boyfriend. here comes the wife and their child, without you knowing it.
think!
July 14th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Go Anton Maton, tarush talaga! Ang hahaba talaga ng replies. Gaya ng sabi ko sa unang reply, just dump him, move on! purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……
And, world peace!
July 14th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
if he loves you and he loves the other (which is a girl), then i really have to say that he doesnt really love you. Why? Because if he’s really in love with you, then he doesnt have to choose but only you. And I feel he is a closeted gay. Mind you, its hard.. dont put all your feelings and emotions and “love” to the tambay guy, or you might regret it in the end and you will just destruct yourself..
July 14th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Jus ko mare, pera lang gusto sa yo nyan. Maniwala ka sa akin. Wag ka nang mag-ilusyun sa mga i love you sa text. Makisakay ka na lang sa kanya. Magtrabaho ka nang maayus. Gumastos para sa sarili,kaibigan, at familya! God blesd.
July 14th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Kalokah. mga english speaking sila lahat. para maiba tagalog naman ako.Bro walang straight na lalaki na pumapatol sa katulad natin, once na pumatol yan at nakita mo nag eenjoy siya BADING yan. Wag na mag ilusyon kung totoong lalaki yang nakae sex mo at least nag enjoy ka.At kahit lahat ng bading dito sa Pinas magbigay sayo ng payo, ikaw pa din naman ang makakapag ayos ng problema mo. Ako kc patakaran ko pang ang menchu may gf na o kaya asawa give way na ako, kc yun naman talaga ang dapat ang lalaki para sa babae. At ang mga ng kukunyaru na lalaki pumapatol sa mga katulad natin for sure may bahid sila ng lahi ni Mother Eva. Sabi nga lahat naman ng lalaki ay may feminine side at pag nanaig yun Babae siya. Ako dati gusto ko din magkaanak at magkasawa pero di ko maatim na lokohin ang girl na makakasama ko habang buhay at pag nangati ako maghahanap ng lalaki sa tabi tabi.At lahat ng sikreto natin sooner or later may makakaalam. Ako wala akong lakas ng loob na sabihin sa pamilya ko na bading ako pero naamoy at nararamdaman NILA na berde ang dugo ko, out of respect di nila ako confront kung ano sexuality ko.Kaya payong kaibigan lahatn ng papasukin mo dapat accountable ko, hanada mo panindigan ko anou man maging outcome, sino naman kami para humusga sayo lahat naman tayong mga bading may kanya kanyang drama sa buhay, and depende na lang kung pano natin dinadala yun. Remind ko lang sayo kung masaya ka go on, pero ang bottom line dapat wala kang masasaktan at maagrabyadong tao. God bless kapatid and pasensiya ka na sa mga nasabi ko.Adios….
July 16th, 2007 at 4:35 am
ang masasabi ko lang ay enjoy na lang while it last but remember mahirap magising sa katotohanan parang isang bangungot ito. Mahirap din ang long distance love affair. Try to find naman dyan sa place mo para naman hindi ka maging lonely and to know the person well talaga. Good Luck to you.