“It went too fast, my friend.”
I was walking with a girl friend of mine after lunch yesterday, and we were talking about how drastic the change was in my so-called lovelife. The week before I was all ecstatic and rainbow. Yesterday I was muted and almost gloomy. Being a very good friend, she was trying to be very comforting. Then she said, “Friend, can I tell you something?”
“Sure,” I answered, curious and anticipating.
“I think,” she offers a risky opinion, “you guys went too fast.”
All the while I was being steady in emotion. Even when I was conscious about being too defensive, I said, “Di naman siguro. We were seeing each other for a month before we even went to bed. Yung iba nga, first meeting pa lang, sex na. First meeting pa lang, sila na. We did wait a bit.”
She was visibly confused.
And somehow, I was too. How fast is too fast? How slow is slow enough?
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October 19th, 2007 at 11:00 am
you were just right. 1 month before sex is perfect. totoo yung sinabi mo… yung iba nga first date palang todo na…
October 19th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Migs, I feel for you. Sex is not an indication on whether you are rushing things or not.
Withholding sex - Sex becomes something to look forward to in dating. Ergo the sexual tension can build up that may not necessarily mean that you are into each other .. other than the sexual tension. The dating can prolong, and you can be putting your best foot forward because of this unconsumed infatuation. This is the arguement of the pro premarital sex.
Having sex - By not putting too much energy on the sex, eventually the high sexual tension will wane. You now then can focus on a more important criteria of getting into a relationship, which is companionship and intellectual and emotional compatibility.
My advice, do not be cheap on love. Do not give your commitment just to any Tom, Dick, or Harry. You know the value of commitment, which is for a lifetime so why commit to someone so easily? Why even entertain the idea of love with someone whom your infatuated with so easily?
There’s no need to rush love if you are clear that you are looking for that ONE person whom you’d be GROWING OLD with.
When you are comfortable in showing your true colors to this person already without having to put your best foot forward, then that is the only time to entertain the idea of LOVE.
Very truly yours,
Your daily reader
October 19th, 2007 at 11:12 am
Damn… In the gay world, waiting a month before sex is actually really really long na. In the eyes of straight people of course, 1 month… pffft. But then, in this case, you are two horny men with raging hormones, so….
I have a different question however, is basketball player still in the picture? Was he there to sweep your feet away?
October 19th, 2007 at 11:21 am
hahaha! got that question myself before.
YOU CAN NEVER TELL.
Period.
October 19th, 2007 at 11:23 am
wow, i so luv “from1fagtoanother”s comment.. kinda share d same views altho i doubt i cud ever express them so articulately.. how fast is too fast? beats me.. i guess we learn our lessons one guy at a time.. all d wile hoping dat wen mr.ryt comes, we’ll recognize him n not let him slip by..
October 19th, 2007 at 11:28 am
..its as slow as too slow…trust me on this!
October 19th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
told u, u have to listen to real people, i mean the people surrounding u.
October 19th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
waiting is not about waiting itself. it is the time necessary in order to get to know each other. what kind of relationship? are you compatible? do you want the same things in life? it is about trying to determine if you have the right chemistry with the person. it is about trying to determine if you can be honest with each other. it is about communication. most importantly, it is about trying to get to know the character of the other person.
October 19th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
it’s not about the time you have allotted in the relationship that counts, its the quality time well spent. however, there are things that take time to grow and mold into something far more complex and beautiful i.e. a relationship. sex doesn’t determine the depth of intimacy but it is a factor worth considering, but then again people have different concepts of sex during the dating period. just play it cool migs. i’m sure you’ll work it out just fine :). ’til the next comment.
October 19th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Oks lang yun. Life must go on - - -
October 19th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Did she happen to clarify what she meant by too fast? Was she just refering to the sex or to the emotional attachement to the guy?
My straight bud gave me a similar comment before when I was dating around….and I guess to him, it seemed I am unable to settle down. He did suggest to hold on out on the sex.
I find it hard to understand what that would have accomplished though. Would witholding sex for a month or two make a person change? Would having sex with a person upfront make you lose interest faster? Yes, it does if that was all you were interested in the first place. Doesn’t it make it easier for gay men to do that then? Have sex, if you find you are still interested in the person after then that means you guys must have a connection and not just physical attraction.
October 19th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I’d say give each other six months before discussing kung kayo na, or “what are we?” or “what is my stand?”
A month or two to define a relationship is too soon. Heck you don’t even know yet the person. Minsan nga, kulang pa yung six months. It takes time to get to know a person. Pero in that six months, makikita mo na yung character nung tao. Bukod sa phyisical attributes, personality, at economic status, the most important factor eh yung ugali. Kung mapakikisamahan mo siya at magkakasundo kayo. So six months or so is just the standard whether straight or gay relationship. During that time, just get to know the person better. Set aside the idea of love muna pero keep your eye on your man to see if he’s really worth it.
As for sex, yeah, it’s better to prolong the sexual tension. Sex on a first date is a no no unless you guys have an agreement that it’s just about sex. But if you see something in the guy other than his d***, then maybe sex after a couple of dates is okay.
I’m “going out” with someone at the moment and I remember that we did it, three weeks after we were going out. Sex is just an icing on the cake. Yes, it’s important to add spice but companionship is the most important among other things such as trust and honesty.
October 19th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
One more thing, you guys went out of town after a few weeks of dating? Too fast, too soon nga. I maybe wrong. Maybe you guys know each other before you started dating.
I guess there are some things to avoid in the early stages of a “relationship:”
1. Out of town - unless it’s part of your job or it’s just a lunch or dinner out of town then it’s okay. But if it’s a weekend out of town, then it’s too soon.
2. Being too clingy, needy, and paranoid - that includes too much texting and probing too much like “where are you? why aren’t you texting?” That will drive the person away.
3. Expecting too much - Being matampuhin if the other person can’t make it.
Wala lang. Again, I don’t know the actor and the circumstances really so take my advice with a grain of salt.
October 19th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
All I can say, fidelity is indeed a rare gem na..Even the most beautiful persons eh niloloko pa…Ang mahalaga ikaw ang inuuwian…Kung mahal mo sya, paglaban mo na lang and time will come magsasawa din yan sa pag piphilander..Mageffort ka na lang to let that actor realize na di nya kaya mabuhay ng wala ka..That is kung mahal mo talaga sya…Martyr na kung martyr pero if you love him that much talaga, then take the risk..Good luck Migs…
October 19th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Naku ha. Infidelity is a no no. Betraying one’s trust is foul. Kakasimula pa lang, sa iba na tumitingin. Paano pa kaya kung tumagal tagal na?
I always believe that rules should be set even in the early stages of a relationship: trust and loyalty are very important elements. Foundation ‘yan eh. Dalawa lang ‘yan sa magpapatatag sa kung ano mayroon kayo.
How do you keep your man interested and not look for somebody else? Just be yourself but know the rules of dating and relationship. I mean you want your man to liking you for you, right? (Ang daming you.)
Kaya dumadami ang manloloko kasi tino-tolerate lang. Ang pagiging martyr eh iba na definition. Kung para sa ikabubuti ng bayan, bakit hindi? Pero kung para sa panloloko ng lalake ang pagiging martyr, I don’t think it’s worth it. Marami pa diyan na deserving, tapat at maganda ang ugali.
Obviously I’m so involved. I’m also in the heat of things kasi.
October 19th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Let’just dance to this, shall we? Your choice rhumba, salsa, chacha or fox trot!!
October 19th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
How fast is fast? How slow is slow? Actually the only person that can answer your question is YOU. People live different lives, that’s why they say we are all unique. Pwedeng sabihin ng iba na naging mabilis ka, pwede ding mabagal. Nakailang relationship ka na ba? Reflect from your past experiences. Then you will know the answer to your question. About your actor all I can say for now is… “If someone betrays you once, its his fault. If the same person betrays you again, it is your fault”. Question lang? Alam na ba ni basketball player ang ngyari sa inyo ni actor? Try telling him, baka makatulong sya to ease the pain..
October 19th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
it really depends. my bf and i had sex on our first date. we’ve been together almost 5 years now, and we still have the passion of those early days. it really depends. nothing’s too fast, and nothing’s too slow. what counts is how you are as a person. as migs said in a previous post, the Actor was a player. that sealed the deal, i guess.
i’m so sorry, migs. what can i say? you deserve better.
October 19th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
“If someone betrays you once, its his fault. If the same person betrays you again, it is your fault.” I like this whocares pakopya. thanks!
October 19th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
whaaaaat!?
i didn’t even know! i so would text you up right now but i don’t have load. i just saw you saturday and things were great. sigh. i love you and am here for you whenever you need me.
October 19th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
At the end of the day, be glad that it was over in a month and not after 3 years of being together.
October 19th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
sa tingin ko naman hindi applicable satin yang too fast or too slow na yan. the point is the dedication that you give in every relationship you enter.
sabi nga kung hindi ukol, hindi bubukol.
o baka dyuts lang talaga siya echos.
October 20th, 2007 at 12:59 am
Why do people make up stupid rules as too fast/slow? There are relationships that last even after rushing into it, and there are ones that perish quickly after a long drawn-out “courtship.” It’s just a matter of the two parties involved. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s okay to let the rush of love take over and let yourself fall hard in love. But don’t be naive/blind to think this is the one. Love is a chance. Invest in it and see if it yields a good return.
October 20th, 2007 at 1:27 am
haay… mag-usap nga tayo!
October 20th, 2007 at 3:26 am
‘let’s wait awhile’ janet jackson.
listen to it migs and cheer up pup :).
October 20th, 2007 at 4:44 am
There’s no such things as too fast or to slow . It’s how you both feel at that very moment of the relationship. If you both feel the “magic” then it’s got to be it. Anyway, i hope you find true love soon Migs.
October 20th, 2007 at 9:09 am
go back to d ball player!
October 20th, 2007 at 9:58 am
there is no such thing as too fast or too slow in a relationship. the longevity of a relationship is only determined by the two people involved and how deep is the love and most of all, their sexual compatibility.
can you forged true love at a short time?? yes! only if it can be supported later on by commitment, respect, sincerity and trust… but you cant say the same with sexual compatibility…. i hate to say that this is the reason why i guess people cheat…say it isnt so =(
October 20th, 2007 at 11:05 am
i believe in the spark and magic when two people meet for the first time after a few days (or weeks) of texting/ phone calls. but it doesnt and should not stop there. there should be a desire on both parties to know more of each other. no expectations is a good rule of thumb.
a month of getting to know each other before going into something serious or remaining as friends is, i think good enough.
experience taught me that going to bed, even with the best of intentions is destructive..leading to disappointment.
in the end, one has to know what he is looking for to start with.
hindi ka nag-iisa!
October 20th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Friends, THANK YOU. I am overwhelmed by the expressions of love and support from all of you. I am doing fine as of the moment. I’ll be out of the country the whole of next week, after which I expect myself to be back in tip-top shape. Salamat, and world peace!
October 20th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Migs, i love you.. And I hope you get whatever your heart desires..Cool ka lang..Life is beautiful…And you are beautiful..You deserve nothing but a beautiful person as well..In time..In time…For now, enjoy your travel and pick up the pieces…You are beautiful! Remember that.
October 21st, 2007 at 7:46 am
migs, i don’t know if it’s how i click on my computer but some of my messages are “lost”…anyway, what i wanted to say then was — if i remember it right, you mentioned that the basketball player didn’t know what he wanted that’s why you dumped him. On hindsight, knowing that he WANTS you, would it have been a better decision to stick with him?
Peace!
October 22nd, 2007 at 2:06 am
i dont see myself as a slut but many people would perhaps say so. I think sex on the first date is normal. But falling in love on the first date is way too fast. One month before sex? thats is waaay too slow!
October 23rd, 2007 at 5:43 pm
i personally think the sex thing should not be the gauge of speed. It is how two people share, plan things together. talking about long term plans after a weeks togetherness is way too fast, while not talking of the future in a 1 year dating status is way too slow. The actions as a couple determines how fast a relationship is. just my opinion po.
October 28th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
i have a question here if you have been seeing this guy for say more than 4 times in two weeks, does that qualify as dating? do you actually need to qualify if the meetings are dates or just “meet ups”?
November 6th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
damn all these to do and not to do, too fast or too slow…really now, with the choices thrown about and everywhere, and with that whirlqind sinking feel you have when you are together, must you still think too fast or too slow? DAMN! Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?