Mom on Son’s Coming Out
What happens when a gay boy comes out to his mom? Read a mother’s account on her experience after Ben, her son, comes out to her:
The next days that followed were hard for me to deal with. Now that I knew for sure that Ben was gay, I was terrified. I couldn’t imagine a harder life for him. I knew he would be up against discrimination for the rest of his life, and my heart ached with the thought of it. I was grieving for my boy. We had always had a close and warm relationship. He was a lot like me in a lot of ways. But now, he suddenly seemed older and unreachable to me. He had crossed over to a land that I knew nothing about. I was scared and distraught. And I was surprised that I felt like that. I always assumed I was so open, and accepting. I prided myself on being a “free spirit” child of the sixties, and when it came down to it, I could not understand for the life of me, why I was having such a hard time with this.
It was awkward between us for several days. I was also in the process of divorcing his father during this time and had been looking at apartments. I found one with two small bedrooms, one of which had a big closet. Ben was discussing the possibility of sharing the room with his sister, when he said, “I could always live in the closet… no… wait…. I just got out of the closet… I don’t want to go back in.” It was just so funny that we both burst out laughing, and suddenly all the awkwardness was gone. We were all right again.
It’s been about six weeks since I found out that Ben was gay. I see him for who he really is, for the first time, and I can tell you, he’s amazing. He is strong, clear-eyed and focused. Being gay is an indelible part of who he is, but that is not the only defining thing about him. He continues to see Alex [his boyfriend]. I’ve met Alex and have tried hard to work through that first impression of his sullen glance. I try to see Alex like Ben sees him, and I hope that Alex sees me the way that Ben sees me.
I’m proud of my son. What he’s lived through his whole life has not been easy. I’m glad that I know. I’m glad that he doesn’t have to live in the shadows. He can be who he is. And he’s happy.
[Source: About.com]
Possibly Related Entries:
- For our next podcast: Coming Out
- Podcast: Coming Out, part 2
- Be True, Be the Extraordinary You
- Podcast: Coming Out, part 1
- Should I Come Out to Mom?
- Podcast: Coming Out, part 3
- Wet Christian Bautista + Tidbits
- Roxxxanne’s Troika
November 9th, 2007 at 11:10 am
OMG. that’s great!
November 9th, 2007 at 11:12 am
how’s your “zahir” going on, migs? ^_^
November 9th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Good luck to both Ben and his mom
November 9th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Now that’s a mother.
November 9th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
that last thing i want to do is hurt my mom, ergo not to come out to her.
November 9th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
buti pa si ben… im presently struggling difficulty with my parents… but im happy coz my bf dont want me to live even my parents even talk to him to leave me… i hope someday they will accept me…please PRAY for me/us…hope wala na matulad sakin…ben ang swerte mo sobra!!!
November 10th, 2007 at 2:08 am
Gay guys and their moms, indeed. Sometimes you feel that when you have a relationship with one, the inevitable follows…He brings you home to mom, should things go right between the both of you…and you could feel like that girl in the commercials waiting for your spanish bite back..”Gracias Tita!” hehehehe…Well, loads of luck to Ben, his mom, and to the first lover Ben brings home to her!