Ria Replies

Ria, the woman letter sender of that previous post “My husband has a rich gay lover” responds after the overwhelming deluge of advice from our dear MGG readers. Let us all wish Ria the best, may she be blessed with strength to get through her current situation. (And for all of us who are privileged with knowing Ria’s story, gay men or straight men and women readers of MGG, may this be a reminder that the choices we make, the actions we take, impact other people and the world around us. Keep world peace in our hearts!)

* * *

Hello Migs,

I never expected that my letter will be published that fast. Thank you for your kind words and from your readers. Please, please, extend my heartfelt gratitude for their thoughts and for the advice that they gave. I just read their comments and I must say that I am overwhelmed.

Also, I would like to apologize for stereotyping gay men. I think I have offended some people that I was expecting that they will say I must give up Ram to Andy. I’m sorry, I never knew that not all gay men were cynical about relationships. I feel that saying sorry is not
enough to cover all the words of encouragement your readers contribute. I’m sorry.

The truth is, other than soliciting advice, writing to you was my last resort to know what might Andy or Ram is thinking, from other people who do not know us. I thought, your readers can give me an idea what Andy or Ram is thinking right now.

The sad thing is, I’ve already asked Ram to choose between the two of us. My heart was broken when he said, that I should not make him choose because he will not choose any of us. That was over a year ago. I am preparing to ask this again and building up my strength on whatever his answer might be.

All these years, I thought I was just a strong woman for being able to handle all of these. Now I start to realize that being a martyr doesn’t mean being strong. I guess, it took over 50 people to say this on my face.

Thank you, thank you. I know that I have two wonderful kids and there’s a better life waiting for me. And I pray hard that I still have Ram to be with me. No matter what happens, I believe that I can get through this.

Even we don’t know each other personally, I think you are great guy. You are all wonderful! (And for those I have offended, I am so sorry).

Wishing for the best,

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46 Responses to “Ria Replies”

  1. randulf Says:



  2. Baklang AJ Says:


  3. vince Says:

    ria, all the best. whatever happens, i think things will eventually turn out all right for you and your kids. what’s that old line from rabindranath tagore–about setting the ones you love free, and if they’re really meant to be yours, then they will return to you? (i’m tempted to say ram’s a bit spineless, but then again, i’m not ram, so i don’t know if he truly has any feelings for andy. if he does, maybe that’s why he can’t seem to let go of him.)

  4. yddaj Says:

    Best of luck, Ria! There are lots in life to be happy about, like your little angels there :)

  5. closet case Says:

    hello ria. i guess you already know that the choice will not be made by ram but by you. he will not choose because he can’t. i totally understand that, not belittling him at all. i just believe that he feels that he should not have to choose, that he could have it all. the choice is really yours. as in all matters of the heart, we should be brave enough to realize that it really is up to us to say either i could deal with this or i want out.

    ultimately, what do you really, really want? a life with ram & andy or a life on your own with your beautiful children? either way could work, again depending on what you really want.

    make a choice then be at peace…

  6. jay Says:

    leave ram. demand child support and get a job of your own. you deserve a man who will choose you over everything else. your kids deserve a father they can look up to (it’s not because he has a gay lover but because he will not make hard choices).

  7. cast Says:

    ria…. puntahan mo yung dalawa mong anak ngayon at yakapin mo sila…. yan ang pinakamasarap…. gift ni Lord yan sayo…

  8. miyako Says:

    heto ang mga hindi mo nasabi?

    guwapo ba si andy?
    mabait ba si andy?
    maskulado ba si andy?
    dinadala ba ni andy si ram sa mga family events niya?
    lumalabas ba sila nang hindi patago?

    inday, kung lahat yes o kihit tatlo lang ang yes, bakla ang asawa mo. para mo nang awa sa kanya, pakawalan mo na. Nasasaktan din ang mga bakla dahil sa pagkababae mo na dala pa ang dalawang batang babae. daot ka lang sa kanila. lubayan mo na. ang matsing bigyan mo man ng mansanas saging pa rin ang hanap-hanap.

    kaya, ate, demand child support, work, and find a husband who will love you and who will only suck nips and clits.

    I hope hindi mga taga-lonsi itong sina ram at andy. mga mapagkunwari at mapanggamit- hindi sila virtues ng mga taga-peyups.

  9. silinglabuyo Says:

    hay naku ria… you need to make a choice! and i suggest leave ram! now na! wala syang bayag! im a gay but i symphatize with you. sometimes kasi ang mga bading dont know their limitations. girl… leave ram now! tama si jay, demand child support, get a job of your own and MOVE ON…

  10. YAJNAT Says:

    dear ria,,,
    these are so lame,,,agreeing on this kind of set up,,,having a second child and still in this set up,,,having ram choose between you and andy,,,wanting to know whats in the minds of ram and andy…
    your silence is eating you up,,,worst ur dying…then its time for you to speak up…and address issues…
    here is my little list…
    1. tell andy up and in-front of ram that kiss marks are a no no…unless ram needs that
    2. two nyts with andy is way too much…cut it to one…reason:children are asking…unless ram wants your children to think that dady has a boifrend…or maybe ram is enjoying the sex dats y he extends the stay…

    stop sending the ball back to ram or andy…u decide end up the game or play with it…
    its all up to you if you stay on with this relationship but for me happiness at the expense of others most especially my happiness is not happiness at all!!!
    for the children,,,whatever you choose they will understand clearly if both of you will explain thoroughly…

  11. peppoi Says:

    I wish you the best, weigh everything carefully…God Bless!

  12. steve Says:

    how big is this guy’s dick ba na hindi mo maiwan iwanan ? If he did not choose you, it means you are free. Wag mo nang ipagsiksikan ang sarili mo sa person that does not like you … at least leave with your dignity intact

  13. sapphire Says:

    Go girl. kaya mo yan!

  14. Nokturna Says:

    oh and by the way, his being gay is a solid ground for annulment. Goodluck sa iyo.

  15. von tito Says:

    You can earn enough to bail your husband out of the situation. Some men are weak kasi wa sila datung. if the woman is stronger in a marriage, she works for the family while the man becomes a househusband. There are plenty such cases. Or both can work to keep the whole family free and independent.

  16. von tito Says:

    kahit ano mangyari family, always comes first. basic unit of every society, remember. wala na ibang tao, or common friends, pero family lasts. tapos na panahon ng paglipad para makalaya. ang pakpak ngayon should be used to protect the young as parent. maybe u can also used ur wings to protect ur husband kahit sandali sa ngayon. kasi ang hero naman e di namimili ng gender.

  17. cainam Says:

    i agree with Nokturna that homosexual relationship within a marriage is a very good ground for annulment. tell that to ram and then leave him. he doesn’t deserve you and you definitely don’t deserve to be treated like the querida in this set-up. tama na ang pagbibigay. lumaban ka na!

  18. daisuke Says:

    to those of you who are insensitive to ria’s feelings, stop posting. she would not have married ram in the first place if she didnot love him, second there are the children to consider, yes she can ask for annulment but what about the kids,

    ria my advice for you is to pray and listen to your heart. God knows no boundaries.

    God bless and don’t lose faith

  19. mark erik Says:

    i am amazed, at times, w/ the deluge of chatters here who can really give good pieces of advice. this what sets mgg apart from ordinary gay blogs. may puso d2…d lng kalibugan. hehehe. keep it up, fellows!

  20. Duncan101 Says:

    Hello Ria,

    I symphatize with you and it is really sad that you are in this situation. Please ask yourself - is it more hurting if you leave Ram than to be in this “threesome” kind of arrangement. Follow your instincts. Sometimes love makes us blind but if it makes us happier then go for it. Whatever would be your decision please be firm with it and move on with your life.

    If I am in your shoe, if I really love a person more than anything else, I believe I will do the same thing which is to agree in a threesome kind of arrangement…but it’s really really hurting. God bless!

  21. wrestler Says:

    You are doing the right thing Ria. You are a smart woman with a good heart and head.

    If Ram does not choose you (or his lover) it’s his loss and definitely not yours.

    I’m sure you’ll be fine. God bless.

  22. antonella Says:

    magandang storyline for a movie especially for filipino audience. parang pelikula ang estorya mo ria…but ang sa akin lang naman ay ang kapakanan ng iyong mga anak….paano na cla kung makikipaghiwalay ka kay ram? naisip mo ba na maaaring magkaroon ng stigma sa damdamin ng mga bata ang inyong separation? nakapagtiis ka na ng ilang panahon at kaya mo pa yan…at least alam mo ang pinasok mo bago ka nagpakasal kay ram.ituloy mo ang pagiging martyr mo at sinasabi ko sa iyo malapit nang dumating ang tunay na ligaya sa buhay ninyo ng buo mong pamilya mag kakasawaan na sina ram at andy sa kanilang relasyon nakikita ko yan…pag nangyari yon cguraduhin mong solong solo mo na si ram wag ka nang papayag na magkaroon pa uli ng karibal maging babae man o bakla…gandahan mo ang performance mo n bed kung maari higitan mo pa ang ginagawa ng mga bakla may edge ka nga sa mga bading dahil may tunay na armas ka…good luck!!! dagdagan mo pa ang pasensiyamo mahal mo naman ang asawa mo di ba? maniwala ka sa akin…maghihiwalay na ang dalawa…tutulungan kita gagamitan ko nga aking special powers!!!!

  23. Blonde_skinny_bitch Says:

    …its ssso obvious relationship that are based on “Deceit” and false pretense don’t actually work, whether its Gay or Straight! haller pipol? Unfortunately Ria got blinded by it! tsk tsk tsk :(

    …If I were you Ria, “never look back unless you want to turn to a pillar of salt!” said the Angel to Lot warning her the destruction of Sodom and Gomorah, to say it naively! Oops! :lol:

    …you might want to consider moving to America where you can start your life fresh and free! :)

  24. Blonde_skinny_bitch Says:

    …btw to my neanderthal homosapien sssSistahs,

    Blonde_skinny_bitch don’t scare that easily! I have larger balls than you think, coz this bitch wears PRADA! Oops! :lol:

  25. tagosadilim Says:

    Dali lang sana umalis sa bahay nila at iwanan ang asawa niya pero ito ang isa sa manifestations ng battered wife syndrome. Emotionally (and most of the time, physically battered na) pero hindi pa rin maiwan-iwan ang asawa dahil sa maraming bagay — kasama na rito ang financial security.

    Sa tono ng huling sulat ni Ria, mukhang may disisyon na siya pero hindi pa rin niya magawang final kasi nga umaasa pa rin siya na siya ang pipiliin ni Ram sa huli. In other words, mukhang tatagal pa rin ang pagdurusa niya sa loob ng relasyon kung hindi siya kikilos nang decisive.

    Battered wife syndrome is most common when the woman is so dependent upon the man for all her needs — financial, psychological, emotional, etc. Whether Ria can finally leave her past will be her own doing because what she’s going to do AFTER seems easier said than done, especially that her life equation becomes skewed because of the children. (”What will happen to me and my children?” “Shall I be able to make it on my own without my husband by my side?” “How will I face society?”) These and other tons of questions — and factoring the children in the equation — just drag the battered wife into the quagmire, which is sadly, of her own doing.

    But this should not be the case. Ria should be able to find happiness — with her in the picture. (Whether or not Ram will be in that picture is really up to her.)

    Ria, do what do you think is best. Once you’re through weighing the pros and cons of your decision, go for it. Don’t turn back. At the end of the day, remember that life is too short for you to be miserable. And always remember, happiness is, first and foremost, of your own making. You can’t find happiness if you look for it elsewhere.

    Good luck!

  26. jh Says:

    ria dear…ok lang yan. Whatever happens, just bear in mind that God is with you, and since He wants you to have JUST the BEST, even if its not having Ram, prepare yourself to take on anything that’s gonna happen.

    Kaya mo yan.

  27. Blonde_skinny_bitch Says:

    …”battered-wife-syndrome” is a sorry-ass-excuse for Stupidity! What? at this day and age! impossible! Why? coz the person running your country is a Woman! …her excellency Gloria Macapagal Arroyo …”hear her mighty roar, sssSistah!” Oops! :lol:

    …and to US Democratic Presidential candidate Hilary Clinton! …you got my vote, oh yeah! :)

  28. jimg29 Says:

    its ironic Hilary stand by her man after Monica brouhaha…what then are u saying bitch that Ria stayed with Ram?… make-up your mind!

  29. Mikey_Liling Says:

    All the best, Ria. Kaya mo yan.

    If you falter in your conviction, kantahin mo lang yung song na “I Am Woman”.

    Actually, kantahin mo yon sa harap ng dalawang hitad na itu, para masaya! :-)

    Anyway, goodluck and ika nga ni Migs, World Peace!

  30. george Says:

    Ria, if you don’t make a decision now, your life will go on downhill…sinisigurado ko sa yo yan. How can your current life (your husband sleeps with another man three nights a week) be better? I can NEVER be better. Now that you still have some sanity left, get out. Hindi na yan utang na loob. Gusto na rin ni Ram si Andy. tatlo ang best friends ko and they own a lot to me as well — financially and emotionally. Pero hello — I don’t see them sleeping with me just to say thank you for what I’ve done to them. In the same way, I don’t see myself (never did!) asking them to do it to me just because meron silang utang na loob sa akin. It is not just right. Your husband is married to you. Remember that.

    It will be very tough for you, and I can only pray that you will overcome this “emotional tragedy”. But you have to cut your relationship with Andy as soon as possible if you love your kids AND yourself.

  31. Raul Says:

    has anyone mentioned professional help , as in therapy? this is a most dysfunctional relationship that will continue to no good end. do not go to a nunnery, go to psychiatry.

  32. paul Says:

    ria, i know what ur going thru right now,i was once in that situation, but i was sensitive enough to know what to do that time and that was to let go the love of my life.til now we’re all good friends.and i think that was the best decision ive ever made so far in my life.i know naman sooner or later magkakahiwalay din kami. sa una lang nman masakit pro nasanay din ako.i always believe kc in my motto that there are lots of fishes in the ocean dba?i know somewhere,somehow there is someone meant for me,no matter how long it will takes.what u can do for now is focus ur attention to ur 2 beutiful children,be the best mom u could ever be to them, as for ram, just be there for him,give ur best service you could ever give him,don’t nag, kill him with kindness!hang on girl and keep on praying!Miracles do still happen!

  33. burned Says:

    Just a thought Ria:

    If i were in your shoes, I would rather leave Ram and take my kids with me than letting him choose. If he comes after you, then he’s yours. And if he comes back, he should come back alone.

    Letting go is not a sign of weakness but of srength.

    Sa relasyon ng mag-asawa, wala kang dapat na kahati kundi ang iyong mga anak.

  34. Wilberchie Says:

    Stand up to those men and say what you want, you’ll feel relived afterwards. You just need the courage to do it.

  35. von Says:

    ganyang lalaki ang karibal mo, o cge, bakla , pano pa kaya kung babae yan at nabuntis ng asawa mo, d lalong kang nagtatarang dyan!

  36. la bella italia Says:

    Dear Ria,

    I guess it is already you call. When you said in your previous post that Ram cannot choose between you and Andy, then I guess you have to be brave enough to face all the consequences.
    Have you ever asked Ram if he could live without your children? Or Any comes first before your children?
    Let’s face it. You alredy know the situation before you go married but the only consideration now are your children.
    Ram’s wanting to go and work abroad could be a move that he wants to reflect about your situation. The work abroad could be an alibi but I guess he also needs this time away from both of you, even with you children.
    At times going away from home helps because it is only then that he would feel whom he longs for, whom he would like to stay with.
    It is also a fact that Ram is already used to the lifestyle he has with Andy but can he survive without Andy/s support.
    The best thing is encourage Ram to stay away and reflect and think of the future.
    If he is ready to make sacrifices for the family without Andy’s support, well and good. But if he decides otherwise, then you must take all the courage and raise your children without their father, but let him give support.
    You don’t have to fight over it or nag him about it, talk about it calmly, with respect.
    But what can help you most, pray to Jesus and Mamma Mary to guide you in every step of the way. Let Mamma Mary be your source of strength, She being a mother and wife too, the prototype of every Christian.
    Wish you all the best. Pray.

  37. mouthworxz Says:

    ria good luck!!!!!! gogogogogogogo!!!!

  38. laurel Says:

    inday ria,

    alam mo, matalino ka..at alam ko magagamit mo yan sa panibago mong buhay. sige day, pray ka lagi at mahalin mo ang mga anak mo… masakit man sabihin pero, hindi kasi iyong-iyo ang asawa mo from the start pa eh.dun pa lang mistake na.. makakahanap ka rin ng taong magmamahal sa yo. promise!!!

  39. jet Says:

    i wish you the best miss ria. : )
    even if i belong to the gay community i cant help but think of the welfare of your family. ram should be yours and yours only.

  40. rodier Says:

    dapat si andy talaga ang maggive up kasi ang relationship nila ang bawal. kung ako si andy i will give ram to ria. ok lang kahit na masaktan. im thinking about the children.

  41. kokey Says:

    may mga nabasa ako na paano ang anak nila kung maghihiwalay sila…and my reaction is this..

    sooner or later, malalaman din ng mga bata ang tungkol sa gay lover ng father nila.. and for me that is more painful than having a broken family.. if i am one of their daughters, it would kill me to see my mother amost killimg herself for a man that cannot even stand up for her..

  42. tobby Says:

    consistent sa galing ng pagkakasulat ng script….award winner sa future

  43. Ssyoki Says:

    See, i told you. RAM is using either you or Andy or BOTH. Andy for the material things and you for the image. That guy does NOT love any of the 2 of you. Sorry but this what I feel on your situation.

    Ria, I wish you all the best and the strength to face the truth.

  44. Isaribi Says:

    I’m kinda wondering why sunset is a lot colorful than sunrise…

    I guess it’s the irony of life…

    There is good in goodbyes.

  45. fratboi02 Says:

    honestly, sweetie…there are so many things that you can do about it and its a matter of choice…letting your husband decide is not one of them! you should be the the one to decide if you’ll leave him or not. i know what im telling you is not at all easy but this is the first step and its up to you if you want to take it. know your value. if you believe you are worth more than how he treats you…then move on girl!=D

  46. lordmanilastone Says:

    i am gay and even if i am happy cohabitating with my bf for more than three years now, i always expected that this kind of relationship will last, i can’t give him the kids he want and i know that he deserves a woman in his life, i am a gay and that is my destiny, to be with him in such a short span, to have him share with me his love is already something i am happy about, it’s funny that i even prod him to get married now, we both know ours is temporal happiness…that is the bitter fact and i have learned to accept that, i just hope ANDY is thinking about the same thing or might have thought about it but isn’t ready yet…you might need more time to be a martyr ria…just my thoughts…^^

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