Does gayness define you?
Does gayness define you?
I have been busy travelling the past days, all for my day job in the corporate world. The other side of being busy travelling is lots of idle time in airports and in airplanes; during those idle times my mind becomes extra-reflective, meaning I get to have the luxury of pondering on things I normally take for granted.
Out of the blue, this question popped in my head — does gayness define me? There are 2 ways I attack apparently difficult questions like this: by looking inside, and by looking outward. I looked outward first.
I look at several gay folks I’ve come to know better in the recent past, and it’s quite easy for me to see that as I recall them, what comes to mind are these people’s good side, their strengths, those that make them honorable and likeable.
Mac_Afro: supple, strong
Mac_Afro, a reader of this blog, has been a friend since 5 years ago. If asked what I remember about Mac_Afro, I would say his utmost resilience — he has this supple strength that makes him survive cheerfully the highs and lows of his life; he is very ambitious, and puts his head on the line just so he can give his dreams a chance. He currently works for a TV network as a video editor, a feat which I attribute to his steadfast resolve to reinvent himself as a technical and creative person. In his personal life I see a person who has been bruised and scathed through so many challenges yet still excitedly anticipating great things ahead.
Christian: Family Man
Christian is another friend that comes to mind. He is a seafarer chef who at 24 is his family’s breadwinner despite being the youngest in the family. Before he left just a couple of weeks ago for another 1-year contract as a seafarer chef, I had a chance to get to know him better. Christian is a very focused and goal-oriented guy, having saved up enough money from his seafaring to build a 12-door apartment as his parents’ source of income. This means too that he has subjugated his own wants for the benefit of his family. Just before he left, he discovered about his father’s womanizing, and went straight ahead comforting his mother and trying to patch up the results of his dad’s indiscretions. It is edifying how he has played such a mature role despite his being the youngest in the family.
Tom: Head, heart, others
Lastly, I remember my MBA classmate Tom. He is our class valedictorian, and a very accomplished executive in the corporate world. Tom is one of the most cheerful guys I know, has a very good head on his shoulders, and a very kind heart in his chest. Whenever I have problems at work, he is one of the guys I consult. He is humble despite his many accomplishments, and ready to help friends in a heartbeat. Some years back, we organized an orphanage outreach where he met a couple of orphan kids; since then he has been regularly visiting them up till this time. The kids have grown up quite a bit, and “Kuya Tom” has been there all along.
Gayness Is Just a Part of You
Notice that while Mac_Afro, Christian, and Tom are all gay, I wrote nothing about their being gay. There is no denying that they are gay, but the way I remember them transcends that. Their gayness is a part of them, some may even say a huge part of their person, but I can confidently say — it does NOT define them. In short, they are much more than just gay. They are people with qualities that stand out among many others that incidentally include homosexuality. This may be obvious to some, but I would say not to all. Many people still get overwhelmed when they get to know someone is gay — this is especially true if the gay man had not been showing the stereotypical outward signs of gayness. And with that, whenever they think of that gay person, they will remember him as just that person they know who turns out to be “bakla pala.”
How about you?
I turn to myself, and inwardly ask: does gayness define you, Migs? Well, you have called and tagged yourself as the Manila Gay Guy, right?
To the readers, how about you? Have you had experiences wherein people know you as nothing but just that “bakla”? How does it feel? Would you share your thoughts here?
(To be continued.)
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January 31st, 2007 at 10:41 am
I’m gay because as a man I prefer to have sexual relations with other men. Other than that, my homosexuality colors but does not define who I am.
January 31st, 2007 at 10:51 am
As usual - well said, McVie!
January 31st, 2007 at 12:06 pm
At the risk of being tagged/stereotyped as nothing more than the ‘gay guy’, i usually don’t discuss my sexuality w/co-workers to retain some sort of mysteriousness but i find that it’s bullshit because if it’s going to affect how i act then i’m better off letting them know about it. but i make sure not to let my sexual preference define my character.
January 31st, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Honestly, I’d say that if I weren’t homo - I wouldn’t be who I am - I’d have a different thought process, a different perspective, a different set of priorities. in short, if I weren’t homo, I wouldn’t be Homie.c”,) I don’t want to say that I am no different from the average straight male but, in essence, I am. I may have the parts but I’m a totally different model - and I celebrate this difference.
January 31st, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Being gay here in our community (place) means facing an episode of your life with such emotional torments… cursing, labeling, an inhumane treatment… it was a very sad moment in my early childhood… I even ended up changing school at age 8… and because of the these, it made me a stronger and be a competitive person… I made people(neighbors) see here, that being gay doesn’t mean that your only capable things such as hairdressing, or making other beautiful or running a parlor but you can actually be on top of everybody else may it be on the academe, business, even in politics… So my answer is I HAVEN’T LET GANYNESS DEFINE WHO I AM…
January 31st, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Definitions are to those who defines. But not to the defined. I am gay because that is my truth.. =)
January 31st, 2007 at 11:24 pm
the funny thing is that it’s the straight people who define you as gay. let the cat out of the bag and they all start calling you tita or ate or sister like it’s suddenly obligatory. and you know they aren’t calling you names because these are your friends.
gay people already know the spectrum of gayhood. but sometimes the straight people we deal with stereotype us so they can understand us better.
my answer… it’s them breeders who define us as gay! (at least until they get to know you for the fabulous person you are inside.)
February 1st, 2007 at 12:00 am
ganito kasi yon! bakit kasi kailangan pang i-define … mababawasan ba ang pagkatao mo kung by definition ikaw ay isang bading? ay naku! inggit lang sila kasi mas fabuloush ang aking mga bags at sapatos kesa sa kanila! di yata nila kayang mag-suot ng lemon yellow sneakers with pizazz!
yung lang!
sorry … im bored kasi … kaya wala lang! as in nawala ang katarayan ko!
February 1st, 2007 at 9:52 am
I don’t think a multi-dimensional person would want to be defined by one criterion alone, i.e., their sexuality. Unfortunately, a lot of socities still only see a gay person as only that. A gay person has to work extra hard to be seen as more than a gay person. I’m not saying that it is wrong to be called gay, but a gay person is much more than his sexuality. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I think compared to North America and Europe, the Philippine society still see the old gay stereotypes. My experiences in the Philippines are limited but when I read the local newspapers, I’m dismayed by the tone and ignorance that some of the media there can print and get away with when describing someone who is gay. Unfortunately, a lot of societies have yet to evolve when it comes to seeing a gay person beyond his sexuality (first and foremost).
February 1st, 2007 at 10:53 am
Your more contemplative entries are very insightful. You seem very interesting. (And I’ll be honest, the pic posts are great, as well.) I would love to have you in our discussions in PinoyExchange. Cheers to you.
* * *
Gay/straight/etc is descriptive. Not definitive. It undermines the diversity and complexity of human expression.
In addition to not letting “gayness” define you, likewise, don’t let other people’s definitions of gay define you as well. Most of the time, their [the masses’] ideas are poorly understood and forthright ignorant. How they see “bakla” today is as offensive and crude as it was when the Christian missionaries came. That’s why I have never used, or subscribed to, it.
What’s worse? The media promotes it, as Ace mentions.
February 1st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Teka, ang lalim ng paksa. Nahihilo ako.
*Nosebleed*
*Blag* [Hinimatay. LOL!]
February 1st, 2007 at 3:57 pm
gayness (or homosexuality) is a vast universe. its definition has to be comprehensive that it must not only involve sex alone..in the homosexual world you can find the arts in its excellent form..music, journalism, poetry, politics, science etc…quite vast aint it?
February 1st, 2007 at 9:28 pm
ayaw man aminin ng ibang tao..but gays are everywhere.parlor,showbusiness,corporate world anywhere you look..nandon cla.being gay is not a sin..we choose to be gay coz we want to express our inner selves..iba iba nga lng ang atake ng ibat ibang bading..may tago,lantad, at may ayw aminin sa sarili.pero the most important you can be gay and do your own stuff as long as wala kang ntatapakang ibang tao..
most of the gay today are all bread winners.
and i salute those type of gays.
yah the “GAY” word is very broad and deep,
hindi na tyo ung mga stereotype gays.
kaya na nating makipagsabayan sa khit kaninong tao..babae man o lalake
February 2nd, 2007 at 4:09 pm
tumpak ka jan sister Pronghorn. kidding aside, yan kasi hirap sa pinas, wala tayong gay figures to look up to. so how? eh kung wala, di tayo na lang. we are challenged to lead lives that would change the connotation of the word ‘bakla’. we have to correct the masses’ poorly understood and forthrightly ignorant ideas. we just can’t sit and wait for our society to accept us. we have to be involved in the process of change.
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:32 am
nope genesis..that aint right at all.. we never chose to be gay.. being gay is never a choice..it’s something that everyone has to accept in a manner like having a birthmark on your butt. homosexuality is never a lifestyle..
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:19 am
Gayness, I think, is totally attained by your acceptance of who you really are. For as long as the question of your gender lingers on within you, you’re still in the state of limbo. Once you’ve accepted this fact and embraced it as your own true personality, then I say Yes, gayness may define me for sincerity will truly shine and magnify your whole being.
Nice blog! Keep it up.
February 4th, 2007 at 1:33 am
teka di ko ma process… mag edit na nga lang ako
February 6th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Naku, lalaki po ako, antonsg. Bradder po.
…
Cheers to those who are involved!
Anywhoo, you speak truth.
March 14th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Gayness… kabaklaan… have been dealing with that since I was in grade 5 or 6. Grew up to be one. Now that I’m working in a relatively “man’s world” where 1) work requires manly strength (at the least) and 2) because decisions are to frim, evaluated, or optimum as uncertain decisions are costly to be implemented and 3) dealing with upper/top management who are predominantly male {about 95%}, I’ve experienced the following: a) during my early years in the company, my co-employees received/welcome me well,like some people from other department who handles gatherings/sports/events woul tap me help them and they would consider my ideas, b) my superiors see my work as it is, meaning its eventual contribution to the bottomline and don’t say “ah gawa ng bading yan, baka medyo malambot ang pagkakagawa ng study”.
So Migs, in my own little way, I’ve shown them what I could do as a part of the organization and surely they will remember me as not the “bading” but of the structures/installations/ideas that I’ve contributed. Correct mo na lang English ko, jan me mahina eh….