On Long Distance Relationships 2

Long distance relationships, open relationships, age and maturity, social status, cybers3x, religion and the book of Leviticus, idealism and monogamy, etcetera, etcetera… but it ends as usual with World Peace! Come listen to the conclusion of the Troikasters podcast on Long Distance Relationships. I recommend you listen to the first part before continuing on to this concluding part (46 min).

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And as we end this topic, and after you have listened to the discussion, I leave you with this question: in your heart of hearts, how do you want your relationship with your partner to look like, …how will it smell, taste, sound, and feel like? Is it even worth it to imagine this ideal, or should we be just open to whatever comes our way?

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13 Responses to “On Long Distance Relationships 2”

  1. dyan Says:

    there is nothing sadder than an aging gay man who refuses to grow up. ako at mga friends ko ay early twenties lang kaya ang tingin namin kung over thirty na ang gay, talagang matanda na. hindi na talaga attractive. fleeting talaga ang attractiveness in gay culture. tapos mahilig pa ang mga matandang gays maghanap nang one night stand, parang kawawa tingnan kasi nagsinungaling sa mga age nila para maka stamba. my advice sa matandang gays, maghanap kayo nang stable at meaningful relationships. kasi after a while pathetic na talaga kung tingnan ang buhay ninyo.

  2. mave Says:

    hmmm … i would start dreaming of a loving, committed relationship, together living like a couple. but then it should also be a relationship that will be able to withstand the real world. be it differences in tastes, opinions, situations and also accomodating each others mood. having said that, i think being non-possessive is important. the ideal would be you dont need to have chains on your partner (like having an open relationship) yet your partner stays with you and still wants you. monogamous by desire not by agreement.

    another point i like to add is that whilei do admire those who stick with a monogamous relationship and making it work for years and years … i do feel it is such a waste to see a couple break up after many years together when one of the partner had a moment of weakness and is remoseful. i have seen couples breakup after more than 10 years because the other partner just could not accept that one moment of weakness by his partner.

  3. McVie Says:

    Ang taray talaga ng bagong mikropono ni Migs! Biruin mo, nagka-REVERB siya sa dulo?! How very videoke, ahahahaha.

  4. antonsg Says:

    migs, thanks for sharing your side on the issue. honestly, when i listened to the first part last night, it was very discouraging. i recently decided to engage in a long-distance relationship. we haven’t talked about it but i assumed that we are on monogamous terms. we will have that talk when we meet up in davao next month.
    anyway, i was saddened when i heard that long-distance relationship will eventually end up in an open relationship. It may be too idealistic on my part, but i still want my relationship to be monogamous. maybe i’m selfish or maybe i’m new to this thing. but for the moment, i feel that way.
    like i said, we never agreed on being monogamous. but i decided to be one anyway. i agree with mave that the decision to be monogamous should be by desire and not by agreement.
    your side of the story gave me some hope that the monogamous thing will work. i do hope that it will for us.
    the second part was enlightening though. relationships are different from one another. what might work for one will not work on the other. but we can always take away learnings from each and adapt them into ours when applicable.

  5. Tony Says:

    Ang taray ng podcast! It was really a great experience to do this with you guys (even if we drove away the other customers from our heckling and the waiters had their awkward smile when they would approach us).

    Dyan: Harsh words. Remember that people, no matter what the age, have the right to look for their own happiness. If they find it in a meaningful relationship or in anonymous hookups is entirely up to them. Growing up or maturity is a very very subjective matter, after all emotional maturity does not equate with physical age. I’m not trying to pick a fight….all I’m saying is that live and let live. After all we are trying to fight for a non-discriminatory society (and its ironic sometimes that there is more discrimination inside our community rather than outside it, which is a whole different topic).

    Mave: I totally agree with what you are saying. I think part of the reason we can work around these kinds of situation is that we, more or less, think alike. Not exactly alike, but enough for us to have a common understanding and see where the other is coming from even if we grew up with a different set of culture. :D

  6. josh Says:

    to d troikasters, u never cease to amaze, also ur guests! 3 CHEERS again to all of u! ERRR CC, sana u can visit my blog & leave a comment or two. I think i have d same views with u regarding my Catholic Upbringing & church service :)

    Mabuhay kayong lahat!

  7. alfonso Says:

    The truth comes out, out of the mouths of babes. Dyan is right and I’m glad that the younger generation is keenly aware of the realities in stored for the older gay men. I am 27 years old and I am in a monogamous relationship with a very beautiful person that for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am absolutely, without question, happy. Sure I have done some bed hopping in my youth, part of growing up, I suppose. But looking back at those experiences, they meant absolutely nothing to me. I don’t even remember the faces and that says it all. I guess they were good for sexual release but in the end they felt empty. I was never promiscuous to begin with, and I avoided players like plagues. They were just so un-appealing to me (so full of themselves) and I didn’t want to catch STDs or AIDS. But now, I’m in a loving, caring and trusting relationship. I will not give it up even for a million one-night stands. For me, there is no contest. I think the key to any relationship is trust. If you don’t have it, there is no relationship. An open relationship is an oxymoron because it is a non-relationship. There is really nothing to analyze there. A long distance relationship can work, only if there is a set date that both parties can actually look forward to and finally be together. For me, my life right now is in a state of bliss. Every day, I look forward to going to bed and waking up with this wonderful person. This person who knows me, really cares for me and loves me deeply (faults and all). Experiencing new places and activities are even more meaningful now because they are shared memories with someone I am connected to. Essentially, what separates humans from the lower species is our ability to connect deeply with someone and if we push that away out of our lives we are denying ourselves the most human of all experiences.

  8. closet case Says:

    hey people. podcast rocks. migs microphone rocks. hahaha.

    i really am happy for people who have relationships that work out for them, in whatever permutation or combination. and if it is a monogamous, exclusive relationship, good for you! work at it! it can be done.

    but i am also sad when one feels that the happiness one has found in his arrangement becomes THE only rule of happiness that must be followed. let’s loosen up a bit and allow for happiness to be experienced in different shapes, sizes and colors!

  9. Scalpel Says:

    Kudos to the troikasters! I thoroughly enjoyed the podcast. Actually, I used to have a group of about 6-10 close friends who gather every Saturday in my place to get together but it evolved into sharing and talking about things like you guys discussed. It’s fun and always a learning experience. I was in a long distance relationship for 2 and a half years and we never even thought of opening it up. It was a monogamous relationship though it did get tough at times but we both managed to hurdle the temptations. We have broken up because of some problems but we have remained the best of friends and still trying to fix things hopefully. I don’t really understand why do you have to go into a relationship and make it open anyway. It’s a bit self-serving, don’t you think? And I’m a jealous guy and so is he. So I don’t think an open relationship would have worked for both of us
    More podcasts in the future! Great job guys!

  10. Lou in Canada Says:

    Hey boys!

    24 year old gay Filipino Boy from Toronto here. Just stumbled upon this website and its fascinating to listen to the podcast. I love it! Keep up the great work!

    Regarding long distance relationships, at the end of the day it comes down to the individual. Personally speaking, having an “open relationship” while having a long distance relationship is a huge turn off.

    The idea that my man is sleeping around with someone else while I’m not around terrifies me. I’ve had many extreme long distance relationships, beginning with a guy in the UK, then another in the United States and more recently just wrapped one up with a gorgeous guy in Australia.

    At the end of the day, any long term relationship is emotionally, financially and timely draining.


  11. KC Says:

    CC, you never fail to amuse me. miss you kapatid

    McVie, MALDITA KA!!!

  12. McVie Says:

    KC: (in a modulated, radio announcer voice) “McVie’s comments have been brought to you by… Maldita.”
    Alam n’yo, hindi niyo lang kami nakikita eh. Luv ko si CC, kaya nga ang lakas ng loob kong alaskahin siya. (At anlakas din niyang mang-alaska sa akin, kaya lang mas mabilis ako makaisip.) And had you been there, CC and I were beside one another and giving each other high-fives and giggling off-mike. Ganoon talaga kami kakulit sa isa’t-isa.

  13. aries Says:

    helloowwr, eto lang ang stand ko:

    haven’t been to any relationship but if i”l have one any arrangement will do as long as at the end of the day i have someone beside who whispers me goodnight and greats me with a kiss the morning after.

    …yun lang

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