Tips on Gay Relationships
These days of instant noodles, instant coffee, and instant gratification, long-term relationships are hard to find. Especially in the gay scene, I would say you’re lucky if you get past 12 months. So many men, too little time… LOL! But seriously, just like any hetero relationship, a gay relationship needs to be tended and taken care of for it to stay fresh and alive. It’s like gardening. Patience, common sense, and some of the following tips could spell you a life-long, and fulfilling relationship with your partner. Read on!
1. Avoid placing all your emotional needs on your partner. Develop your own individual identity and through those experiences, your relationship will be enriched as you keep breathing new life into it.
2. Even if you’ve been together a long time, never expect your partner to know what your needs are. Mind-reading and making assumptions only leads to misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Learn to be assertive and ask directly for what you want.
3. Characteristic of relationship development, most couples have a diminishment of that honeymoon phase “high†that’s experienced in the beginning of a relationship when they first started dating. This is normal and not a reason to be concerned that there is something necessarily wrong.
When this occurs, strive to bring more creativity and vitality into your relationship and sex life to spice things up. Surprise your partner. Be spontaneous and playful. Make him see how special and important he is to you.
4. Examine your satisfaction with the roles you play in your relationship. A real advantage of gay relationships is the ability to be flexible with life roles and not to have to ascribe to traditional sex role stereotypes commonly held in heterosexual relationships. Negotiate such roles and tasks openly and freely with your partner, acknowledging areas of strength and talent in this decision-making.
5. Avoid letting disagreements turn into ugly verbal battles where things could be said that are later regretted. Learn basic anger management principles and know when to call a “Time-Out†to defuse unproductive anger. Also learn how to re-engage following the cool-down period so issues can be resolved peacefully.
6. Don’t let the busyness of life take away from your relationship. Find a balance between work, alone time, friends, family, and time spent as a couple. Make “Date Night†a regular part of your lifestyle where you avoid discussing your problems or issues and just enjoy spending that quality time together. Never take each other for granted and remember that you’re a team.
(Tips by Brian Rzepczynski from Gaywebmonkey.com)
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October 16th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
i needed to hear this sooo much!
October 16th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
really difficult. into it now and i can say that it’s more than gardening man. it’s more like farming—tilling the land and wait for the rain to do its magic.
mushy…fuck!
October 16th, 2006 at 2:51 pm
good luck on your relationship, saidomar. wishing you the best! the manila gay guy.
October 16th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
bananas, you got it right on the spot! but as in any farming… the produce comes after the wait. good luck bananas mah friend!
October 17th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
i’m on my 2nd ltr (4 yrs.). the first one was also 4 years (with, unfortunately, a married guy). if there is one thing that works for us (present), it’s the fact that our relationship is anchored on the premise that as long as we enjoy each other’s company and the special feeling for each other is there, everything else will be trivial. no demands, no expectations. just a personal, undeclared commitment to one another. there are no set rules that he should be like this and i should be like that. no expectations that he should do this and i will do that. no arguments because we both know how to stand down when one is infuriated or very expressive about something; we’ll return to the topic when i/he has cooled down. and of course, a commitment to date at least weekly, no matter what day it may be. can’t make it on a friday because of important or trivial reason? lemme know 1 hour ahead and we’ll have our date the next day. the setup may be weird but we are still the same just like we were during the early part of our relationship
October 17th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
thanks deric for sharing… i’m sure many of us here could learn a thing or two from your experience. cheers!