Is there a Happy Ever After for us?
Gays and Happy Ever After — is there such a thing?
Once upon a time, when I told a friend about my split up with a partner of 3 years, he reacts with “wala talagang nagtatagal na ganyan.” As I think more about it, I feel like getting infected, and engulfed with the same cynicism towards gay relationships. Not so long ago, I believed it was possible (if heterosexual folks can have true and everlasting love, why can’t we?) however, as many of you would probably have experienced, those moments just after a break up can be pretty emotionally rending. It can crush even the most fundamental of your ideals.
I’ve come this way before and it is such a painfully familiar feeling, that time when I promised myself never to love again, that gay love can never be stable, and it can never survive the test of longevity, mostly due to its innate abnormality, etcetera, etcetera. But then somehow fate plays its games, and one day I feel like falling deeply in love again. After a few happy years, the cycle goes on as it should, and as if a spell is cast, a break up, then I get all cynical and jaded again, even mocking of gay relationships.
Hello dear dark and deep void, hello dear unknowable universe, answer me if you can, is there a happy ever after for us?
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December 8th, 2006 at 10:03 am
never be stable? innate abnormality?
I know everyone gets a bit jaded every now and then, but those are some pretty harsh statements. If anyone were to see things that way, then they really won’t find happiness since they’ll enter any relationship preparing for it to end.
Relationships can happen and they can last - I’m already on my fifth year with things moving steadily along. It isn’t easy, then again what relationship ever is - gay or straight?
Just don’t let yourself fall into such depression - it’ll get you no where.
December 8th, 2006 at 11:16 am
Ano ba yan?
Di ba sabi nila na ang basic foundation ng isang relasyon ay friendship?
MAy panahon na tayo ay magsawa sa ating partners- gay man o babae…
Pero one fact remains eh… na kahit di kayo magtagal, when the relationship is based on friendship, tatagal yan…
At saka sa isang banda, marami rin namang heterosexual relationship na hidi nag wowork-out. Eh parang halos lahat ng heterosexual ay di nagwowork-out eh… Meron ding meron. I believe ganyan din sa gay relationship
Yan nga daw ang monotony ng life… hahay… sa energy ika nga… energy cannot be destroyed. It can only be transformed into another form of energy.
Hehehe… wala akong point sa
last paragraph ko… Nililito lang kita…
December 8th, 2006 at 11:45 am
I dont know but I want to grow old with him.
December 8th, 2006 at 12:48 pm
how sad:(
December 8th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
Would you rather spend the rest of your life alone, never falling in love again? Maybe you fall into the cycle because you half expect to. Maybe even subconsciously willing it to happen. Depression can swallow you up if you let it. God know it happened to me after my partner died. Just remember, life is worth living. So never give up hope. You’ll meet him one day. Just as I will.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Check your statement: “if heterosexual folks can have true and everlasting love, why can’t we?”
Uhm… even heteros today are having problems finding this so-called Holy Grail called True Love a.k.a. An Everlasting Love. Nothing lasts forever. The great loves are great precisely because they had a beginning and an end. Otherwise, ask a vampire how difficult it is to love when you’re practically an immortal (of sorts).
December 8th, 2006 at 4:39 pm
I refuse to believe that there is no happy ending for us. We write our own stories. In the end, it’s always a choice.
December 8th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
There is. It’s a matter of choice.
After reading this and their replies to this, I just realized that I’ve been choosy, I think too much, and I’ve been a hypocrite to my own feelings. In short, I chose this single life. Yeah, it feels alright, I’m afraid I might get addicted to it. If it doesn’t hurt you, it’s okay.. (sometimes it is.. but how about in the near future?)
sigh
December 8th, 2006 at 10:12 pm
so can relate… walang true love hahaha
December 9th, 2006 at 2:59 am
Innate abnormality?
Jesus.
Kala ko pa naman gay pride gay pride dito.
Innate abnormality? Seriously?
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m certanily normal.
December 9th, 2006 at 4:24 am
Naman, Enjoy lang while it last wag mag ilusyon pa. A seven year itch puede na!
Correct Happiness is a choice. Search lagi for the best partner in life, Meeting new guys lagi makes you youndg pa. Hahaha
December 9th, 2006 at 9:14 am
well im still hoping ganun, im in relationship for almost more than two years already, im filipino and my bf is spanish, so as of now dito na me sa spain, and planning to get married soon, nag pa register na kami sa government as a couple, well!!! i hope this would be my happy ending.. cguro nga? coz my love story is same as fairytale…kala ko sa books lng ang fairytales di pla maging sa totoong buhay din,tittle ng fairytale story ko is, jamerela, ^__^ just pray for it dadating din ung taong nararapat satin..
December 9th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
hayyyyyyyyy………
buhay ng kabaklaan!!!!!
nakakaloka
December 10th, 2006 at 1:51 am
kung nabibili lang sana ang hapiness, bumili na ko. all of us naman are wishing to be with our partners for the rest of our lives, kaya lang yung iba nag fail kc things hapened somewer along d way. masakit but at d end we have to move on, pik up d broken pices at mgsaya uli, mglandi, at humarap sa salamin at sabihing “ang ganda mo ate”!!!!!para kay jam na nasa spain ang ganda mo talaga!!!!congrats. tito arms frm rome
December 10th, 2006 at 3:10 am
I just broke up with my partner of 4 1/2 years thinking that we will grow old together…but i decided to quit while ahead but hoping that we remain friends which is not happening. so now i am alone again and it is just a matter of time that i can adjust back to my old self when i did not have a partner. my hope still is that we will continue to be with each other as friends but not anymore as a partner.
December 10th, 2006 at 3:25 am
im wishing everybody na soon as possible dadating din yong prince charming nyo, wla naman imposible at wlang mawawala pag nag ask ka kay GOD, i dont belive that GOD despise homosexual, pakicheck nlng speling ko heheheheh). its not on your sexuality naman cguro it matters on what you have become as a person… in my case i have been speaking GOD, prang friend na pede ka chikahan… and all my prayers tinupad nya except things na di tlaga pede.sa di nakikipagusap sa kanya, try to get connected to him, i asure you there will be a big changes.lahat ng bagay na nagyayari sa buhay natin is may rason, maybe in my case, its a reason na time ko naman sumaya, ever since kasi panay iyak lng me, puro kadramahan lng sa buhay ko, not untill i have connected to GOD.naku kung alam nyo lng life story ko.. naranasan ko na ma reject, maghirap lahat lahat.good luck sa lahat and thanks tito arms, lapit lng pala tau..
December 10th, 2006 at 3:34 am
by the way nga pla meron ako na panuod isang program about homsexual relationship if pede ba mag tagal will its true, dami nag testi matatanda na sila 70+ na nga age nila partner parin sila, nasa tao narin kac, pag nangdyan na kaligayahan hahanap pa ng mas sobra, meron tlaga tao na di nakokontento, minsan kasi andyan na tunay na kaligayahan hinayaan pang mawala… well its a lesson din satin mga gay, wag kasi puro libog, look at other side naman,isa lng naman porblema satin, di nakokontento, hanpa parin ng mas malaki, hehehehehehehe totoo yun. anyway yun lng, if agree kau share your part.. pra magising naman yung iba heheheheheh
December 10th, 2006 at 10:27 am
Hey guys salamat, thank you to all who shared your thoughts and opinions here. i’m very happy to see a lot of interaction here in my blog. for those who felt that the words i used in this particular post were pretty harsh, my apologies. i wanted to express how i felt the time i was writing the piece. now, as i mentioned in a post, i feel much better and ready to conquer the world with renewed positive outlook. good luck to all of us!
December 11th, 2006 at 8:07 am
I certainly agree with you that gay relationship is not stable and its harsh to accept that our relationship with the one that we are hugging now…IT wont last…
I have been to numerous gay relationship and always there will be somebody who you will fall in love with, then will captivate you and then crush you for reasons only known to him.
Habang ang mga bakla tinuturing na ang pagiging promiscuous is part of their sexuality… We can not expect relationship to be stable in gay relationship…
Sabi nga nila habang naglalaro sa apoy di mo maiiwasang hinde matupok… It is just but natural thing that we gay often times want the fast life to make us happy to hide away our loneliness but in the end this behaviour is like digging us in a deeper pothole of eternal loneliness and longing…
December 12th, 2006 at 9:10 am
i personally don’t have any experience having a relationship with another man… but as someone mentioned above, even the straight people are having problems making their relationships work… i believe na nasa tao din yun, if and when two people decide to be together and love each other yun na yun… mas maganda nga if there is friendship, kasi para in case dumating yung time na medyo magFADE yung feeling, there is something to take its place, tapos from there pwede iTRY uli i-rekindle yung passion…
i would like to think na there is a HAPPY EVER AFTER, but kahit for the straight people it is quite difficult to achieve nowadays, di ba nga, couples are celebrating monthsaries kasi bihira ng umabot ng years ang relationship… mas mahirap for gay people dahil some people around them just can’t seem to understand na kahit dalawang lalaki ay pwedeng magmahalan…
December 12th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
may tama ka, its a matter of choice,minsan din kasi mahirap i identify kung sino ung mr. right, its better i love mo ung taong naglove sau ng todo, medyo minimyz natin ung libog, isa kasing bagay nakakasira ng relationship ung ugali natin di nakokontento,
December 18th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
Personally, I think the dynamics of a gay relationship are different from those of a hetero relationship.I’ve observed, however, gay people tend to have hetero expectations despite the difference - which is, I think, what causes us to assess gay relationships in an inequitable manner. I think we should have no pre-conceived notions about where our relationships go or what we expect from our partners in terms of what they can bring to the relationship. I think we can only know what we want and try to comunicate it to our partners at the very onset of the relationship - if we can come to a compromise about our values and personal goals. If there’s a deal-breaker then I think logically we shouldn’t pursue the relationship at all. But even if we’ve done all we can to make the relationship work and it still ends, then we should let go and value the relationship for what it was: a learning experience tht may have been fraught with pain sometimes but beautiful nonetheless.
December 23rd, 2006 at 6:23 pm
interesting comments…. sheds light to my current predicament.
February 22nd, 2007 at 12:21 am
la akong masyadung masabi kasi d pa ako nagkakaroon ng ganyan na mga relationship peru yah i do agree na nasa tao ang desisyun kung panu nila makukuha ang kaligayahan nila. To be contented is one and to have God by your side is the prime most important thing you should do. Sya lng naman may kasagutan sa lahat, and lam ko he’s just to whatever judgments He bestowed upon us whether you’re straight or gay…
July 26th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
This is my opinion. Happy Ever After, as you put it, only exists for those who believe in it. Those who do not believe in it will never find it. The secret to finding that Happy Ever After, I think, is to just continue to believe in love with all your heart — no matter how many times your heart gets broken. Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds too sentimental, too Romanticist, to idealistic, but Happy Ever After or not, the most important thing is that we never give up on love. Just a thought. Maybe it would be better to focus on the love you feel right now than worry where it will take you.
September 11th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
well, my relationship with my BF for 4 yrs has just ended… and with this, i now believe that nothing really lasts forever… most esp. to relationships like our, it may not be the end for now for the others, but i’m sure it will still come. so enjoy it while it’s there… grabe, ang hirap mag adjust with my life now, most esp. kung kelan parang both our parents now accept that we are more than friends… hirap talaga… bakit kami nag hiwalay? third, fourth, fifth… party on his part… sya ang di makontento, btw, ako ang gay sa relationship namin… but i think he’s bi…ewan ko… basta ang alam ko, wala talagang fairy tale ending for us…