I’ve heard Gibbs tell this apocryphal coming out story many times, that of a gay boy coming out to his Mom, and I keep laughing every time:
Son: “Nay, bakla po ako.”
Mom: “Sus, anak, nakikiuso ka lang!”
Moving on to a more serious but related topic… I was in conversation last Sunday afternoon among a handful of gay bloggers. We were discussing: is homosexuality in-born? Ipinapanganak ba ang bading bilang bading? Or is gayness a matter of choice, an acquired preference?
Instead of relating to you the convoluted discussion details, I summarize below my learnings, in hopes that you can comment and perhaps share your own thoughts about the topic:
1. Being gay is fundamental to the person. In-born? Most probably. An act of volition, a matter of choice? Most definitely not. Bottomline: sexual orientation is a fundamental part of one’s person, and thus unchangeable, immutable. Everything else from here on, in my opinion, is an act of volition.
2. Volition (an act of will) starts in self-acceptance. This is what I call Volition Level One. This is where most people get confused. When people say they are confused, most of the time the confusion is the result of the battle of self-acceptance. What should one do then? Since homosexuality is a fundamental part of the person, when one is “confused”, he or she should look more inward than outward. Concerns like “Will my parents accept me? What will my friends say? I will be rejected by society” are all important, but are irrelevant in finding one’s true sexual orientation.
3. After the self-acceptance part, one is then confronted with more choices. This is Volition Level Two: how will I express my homosexuality outwardly? Will I be straight-acting, butch, manly? Or effeminate, girly, swishy? Some people have natural behavioral tendencies and pre-dispositions, so it may appear that these are not choices but rather in-born too. However, since these are outward behaviors, one has a choice to modify them. One can attempt to be more butch than he naturally is. Some may find it easier than others, some may succeed, some may fail — but I maintain that this is more an act of volition than an immutable, fundamental characteristic of a person.
4. The Third Level of Volition is about articulating and sharing the knowledge of one’s sexual orientation to others. The question then is, will I come out or not? Totally an act of free will. And there is no right or wrong answer.
What do you think? Do you agree with the above statements regarding the immutability of sexual orientation? Share your thoughts, so we can learn from each other. (At, huy, baka itanong yan sa Ms. Gay! Kaya pag-isipan na! Hahahaha!)
Possibly Related Entries:
- How Will You March Your Pride?
- Gay Daddies in the Closet
- I Am Lucky To Be Gay
- Does Size Matter?
- H.O.T.Y. 2006 - Wrapping up!
- Happy Ending
- Podcast: Coming Out, part 2
- Know What You Want