It’s Raining (Str8acting Gay) Men!
First it was Gus, the gay man who has a wife who doesn’t know, 2 beautiful daughters, and one gay querida boyfriend…
Then the guy whom I burned phone lines with… the same one who dedicated the song “You Give Me Something.”
Then the other guy (friends with Gus) who I slept with one Friday night, only to find out the following Tuesday that he was married (I saw them together in Baclaran!)
All these happened within a span of just 1 month. Now fate has it for me to be dating Zander, another straight-acting, confused, gay man.
On the one hand, I tell myself, “feeling beauty queen ka ha! Ang haba ng hair!” But thinking about it more, I feel I am just wasting my precious, precious time as a single gay man. But that is not the point I wanted to make.
The point is, it’s raining straight-acting gay men. They are everywhere. Is it good or bad? Or is it neither good nor bad?
For girls, I feel scared for you. Ask your gay friends’ opinion before falling in love with your man. “Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind every successful woman is a gay bestfriend.”
For gay men who cannot understand why some of our fellow gay men are straight-acting, calm down. Fact of life yan. No need to be judgmental; accept the fact that embracing diversity means welcoming gay guys who are naturally masculine in their outward behavior.
For gay men who force themselves to be straight-acting, otherwise called (though often condescendingly) “paminta” — keri lang. Live and let live and motto ko, as long as you don’t harm others. As long as you are happy how you are then, why not? Malay ninyo mahipan kayo ng hangin, at maging tunay na straight-acting! Yahooo!
For gay men who are naturally straight-acting, cool lang kayo. Some of you (not all) have this tendency to look down upon “effems” — please don’t. I applaud the “effems” because they have the courage to be such even if society generally frowns upon their unconventional behavior. Give them the respect they need. I understand one major setback you have as a naturally straight-acting gay man: confusion with your sexual preference is more prevalent, because outwardly you really can be mistaken as straight. But deep inside you, you got to find out, what really is your sexual preference. Only you can answer that.
Lastly, straight-acting gay men generally have a lot more hurdles to go through in finding a gay relationship for themselves (if they so desire). It’s harder for them to find people of the same nature since they, like themselves, are cloaked in outwardly masculine behavior.
So, dear MGG readers, what do you think? What can you say about straight-acting gay men?
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July 28th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Accept it or not, more and more of the children of Adam is now being ushered to the other camp. Regardless of how we act in front of other people, what we project of ourselves is what we want other people think of us. It is our wall to secure our private thoughts, feelings and emotions. With regards to straight acting gay men, I think its okay as long as they don’t hurt other people. Like marrying and then having to commit to adultery with a fellow guy.
Rule of the thumb: We do as like and like as we do as long as
1. We don’t hurt anybody.
2. We are happy.
else you are being abnormal.
July 28th, 2007 at 10:31 am
ipako sila sa KRUS!!!
hehehe
well, i guess kung un ang gusto nila sa life nila, who are we to interfere!!!!???
July 28th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Three cheers to all! and may we find what r hearts truly desires…
July 28th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Oops, sorry migs. Naapakan ko hair mo.
July 28th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Migs, I think there is a need to clarify the label that you used. Though I know how confusing labels are, especially here in the Philippines where people freely use bi-sexuality to mean straight-acting (or butch acting, which I prefer since not all straight men act butch, also it discards the need to reference to heterosexuals as a point of comaprison). Anyway….
There are gay men (and women) who get married and have children because they are confused and don’t know of any other options. Period. Be they effeminate, butch-acting it doesn’t matter. To these people, I truly hope that they find their inner strength to realize and grab what would truly make them happy.
July 28th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
…man for an older gay guy and supposedly wiser one, you have been and are entertaining a bunch of losers…
July 28th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Ay. Stop rushing into these relationships with men so quickly! Its like your not even learning from your prior mistakes! Be it, gay or straight, it doesnt matter if your even more confused and more indecisive than the people you date, hun because the truth of the matter is birds of a feather flock together. Whether you like it or not, your calling uneeded people that have inconsiderately hurt you by something that only YOU KNOW your doing. When you let yourself, be used, your setting yourself to be used again by others so learn to have better judgement before you get involved with anyone. Its common sense to ASK before you get involved in anything, casual or commited.
Posting about this doesnt exactly make you look like the most responsible person. Although, it takes alot of courage to admit some of those things but damn I think its stupid that u dont know any better and entertain these burnouts.
I would say dont date anyone who says their straight acting because there is NO SUCH THING. Straight acting just means that they ARE ACTING STRAIGHT. MEANING THEY WANNA BE STRAIGHT. It doesnt mean they are masculine because there is no real definition of that. EVERYONE has masculine and effeminate qualities regardless of gender. I live in NY and let me tell u that THATS what that really means.
Acting is not what u wanna be when your with someone you really care about because when u get deeper into that relationship whatever it may be, who you are is not going to be able to shine through as well as ud want it to. People will like u for what ur projecting and not who u really are. Stop hanging with these losers because your in an endless cycle of confusion and denial.
My advice is to not date so frequently. ESPECIALLY in the Phillippines. There is like no public awareness of AIDS or HIV or STDS and contraceptives there and alot of Filipinos do it bareback. And thats sad given that as gay people YOU SHOULD BE more aware. Its not safe and not cool esp. if u dont know any of these so called unmarried jerks very well.
Just get your self together before you go out and date so much. Get to know people before you go on dates left and right. The gay community is small esp in the Pinas, so you know that if ur dating alot, its going to get around back to you sooner or later who u sleep and cater to.
To me, it just sounds like your really confused with who you are and what you want in life. I would just try my hardest to focus on what I really want in life and out of myself and the people or person I want in my life. When u get that out of the way, the things u want, will come to you. I promise you and anyone who listens to this advice, that it WILL happen. I hope this bluntness helps.
July 28th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
heres a ton of “Sprite”!!! cheers to all!
July 28th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
I have my problems of my own…problema na nila ‘yan bat ‘di sila magpakatotoo.
Mahirap ang maging bakla, mas lalong mahirap ang magpakalalaki kung alam mo naman na lalaki din ang gusto mo……ewan…ayoko na!
Tama na ang kabaliwang ito!
Tama…’yong lenya sa bagong pelikula ni Aga….
“Mahal mo ba ako?”
“Sobra….kahit alam kung mali na…”
Lecheng pag-ibig!
Pero,,,kahit ganoon masarap mabuhay…kahit minsan alam mo na merong nagmamahal sa’yo at nagmahal ka din…..
I’m confused na talaga sa mga straight-acting gay guy katulad ng lover ko.
Sarap umiyak…..waaaaaah!
July 28th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
bakit si piolo ang nasa picture? what does it mean?
July 28th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
i think piolo is a really gay!!!
July 28th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
migs! ambisyosa ka! si Piolo pa nilagay mo! ingrata
July 28th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
Ang hirap nga. Di mo naman choice na maging ganito, like in born ba, tapos di naman tanggap ng society, parang unfair. Nakakainis. So ang tendency talaga, e magtago. Kaya yung iba na out na, matatapang talaga.
Tsalap naman nyang pic ni Piolo, kahit gay sya, yummy pa din.
July 28th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
So which category does Migs falls….hmmmm. - curious fan
July 28th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
I think its a person’s choice..kung saan sya masaya dapat dun sya… we are not here to make other people happy but to make ourselves happy first so that we can make other people happy…ganun!
July 28th, 2007 at 11:09 pm
NIce MIGS!!!
July 28th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
This issue is just temporary. I bet years from now, this wouldnt be such a big deal. Here in the US, its actually not a big deal if you are straight acting or not. There is diversity in the Gay World and it is definitely accepted here. Its just a matter of accepting what part of the diversity you are in and what part of the diversity is your type. As I have noticed in the Philippines, the “effems” tend to attack the straight actings. They always say: Magpakatotoo. The truth is: they were once rejected by a straight acting guy and is being sour about it and in fact effems tend to like straight acting guys to be in bed with them. One conclusion i could get from this arguement: Narrowmindedness and hypocrisy is the culprit. Again, accept your place in this diversity and know what part of diversity is your type. No need to pick on the ones that you are not. Simple as that.:)
July 29th, 2007 at 12:49 am
Honestly I think it is summed up simply, to thine own self be true. And let love admit no impediments. Love’s not love that alters when alteration finds.
Ask the Bard
July 29th, 2007 at 1:53 am
its better to keep it real. its time to emancipate oneself from inhibitions. we are responsible for our actions afterall.
at the end of the day it all boils down to respect and tolerance. to each his own
July 29th, 2007 at 2:08 am
mabuhay ang mga kabit at querida! yun lang!
July 29th, 2007 at 7:19 am
as Dyan hinted and as Hiro elaborated, your fate really starts with you. whether a gay man is feminine or masculine is beside the point.there will always be liars, deceivers, users and confused men with issues and baggages, but you also have the choice not to be part of it. if you hope to attract quality, discriminating men then you will have to be one yourself. the Manila gay scene is very small and often people’s reputation precedes them. if someone gets a reputation of being gamit na gamit na, his fate is pretty much sealed, at least within the gay community.
July 29th, 2007 at 7:34 am
People here seem to forget that what isn’t their life shouldn’t be their business.
I agree with much of Broken Heart’s thoughts.
And Gods…the language! Filipinos love adopting words from the US without even understanding them.
July 29th, 2007 at 8:47 am
oo nga migs, you have to clarify, bakit si papa piolo ang nasa pic? are you trying to insinuate something? he is a friend of a friend and according to him, pj, as he is fondly called, is, oh, well, your guess is as good as mine… and by the way, i am from new york too, but i do know the difference between “their” and “they’re”, and “your” and “you’re”. yun, lang! lol!
July 29th, 2007 at 9:10 am
Sorry, I just had to react. I think I’m one of those all of you are refering to (or for some, seemingly attacking). I’ve had some casual sex (with men, and yes maybe I’m a bit confused. I currently have a girlfriend, but I do love her… both sexually and emotionally. So I guess I can both get a hard on to either men or women. Is there such a thing as bi-sexual? I do think so. Its just a matter of deciding which gender you actually end up with. I agree with migs… poor women… who get tangled up with men who, after the marraige still hasn’t decided yet on which gender to settle with and still would be looking for the forbidden. But i guess, I can’t talk much about something I myself am guilty of. Its hard, it really is. My first time was with this cute chinoy who picked me up in a car like I’m some male prostitute. I also had a girlfriend back then, but I guess I got mesmerized by how handsome he was. Not even my big baggage (just came from the airport straight back to the office) prevented me from getting in the car. And I guess the rest was history, or at least the start of my dilemma. Again, I have a girlfriend and still dreams of the chinoy guy. Don’t prosecute us who are like this. Its hard I tell you. Perhaps what you all can do is understand us, and do your best to turn us down (if some would offer sex). It helps to be turned down by another guy… it gets us to thinking… and back to reality… that we do still have a wife… a girlfriend… or a kid even… waiting for us at home. … *sighs*
July 29th, 2007 at 9:51 am
gusto ko ung mga “shared thoughts” nila Broken Heart at Pronghorn…
me sense. Ung iba ang haba-haba, kahilo to read. Kaya lang para silang mga bad-trip sa mundo. Tanong ko lang, who broke your heart,broken heart?
Peace!
July 29th, 2007 at 11:00 am
i like your stand on acceptance. to accept that even in homosexuality, there’s diversity. The problem with our thinking mostly is the polarization of things. Black or white, Bakla at Straight, Mali at tama. But in reality, most of us falls on the gray area between black and white.
Ang yeah, Piolo is so gay. hihihi
July 29th, 2007 at 11:42 am
It is all a matter of choice and a matter of acceptance. Some choose to act straight (and some do act straight, anyway), while others choose to be effem. Gayness represents a wide spectrum of personalities and characters. In the end, it is your preference in gay men that matters. SOme would go for the butch types, others would like the ‘girly’ kinds. Does that make one or the other less interesting? I doubt it. In the end, the quest leads to what is between the legs.(hehehe). O sige na, world peace na kung world peace. Mabuhay!!!!
July 29th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Ewan ko lang huh, pero sa experience ketch ang mga “straight-acting” pa ang warla sa mga dingga. Parang mga diri, kala mo naman magkakaketong. Che sila!
July 29th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
How do you encounter these ’straight-acting’ gay men? Just curious, on your first encounter, di ba sila parang call boys???
July 29th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Empress maruja I think you should read broken- hearted’s opinion
“This issue is just temporary. I bet years from now, this wouldnt be such a big deal. Here in the US, its actually not a big deal if you are straight acting or not. There is diversity in the Gay World and it is definitely accepted here. Its just a matter of accepting what part of the diversity you are in and what part of the diversity is your type. As I have noticed in the Philippines, the “effems” tend to attack the straight actings. They always say: Magpakatotoo. The truth is: they were once rejected by a straight acting guy and is being sour about it and in fact effems tend to like straight acting guys to be in bed with them. One conclusion i could get from this arguement: Narrowmindedness and hypocrisy is the culprit. Again, accept your place in this diversity and know what part of diversity is your type. No need to pick on the ones that you are not. Simple as that.:)
July 29th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
The Kinsey scale explains a lot. Check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
Live and let live.
July 29th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
i am a straight-acting gay guy myself. I just came out of the closet less than two months back. My only problem before why I dont want to come out and be gay then is because I am an athlete, and athlete should be straight.. or at least that was my mindset back then. Bago ko lang nalaman na not all gays wear make up, dress clothes for women, or sway hips twice for each one foot forward. After watching queer as folks made me realize that hehe. And I also agree that its hard to find the right relationship para sa mga kagaya ko kasi it is cloaked bale we mix with straight guys… anyone out there? hehe
July 29th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
I am straight-acting. Mas madami nagpapalipad hangin pag straight acting eh, hehehe. pero hanggang dun na lang yun. I am taken na by someone who is out! And I really don’t mind kung me mga humuhusga. Walang pilitan kung ayaw ko mag-out. Kanya-kanyang style to. Natutuwa nga ako sa mga out eh kasi masaya.
July 29th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
At wala kaming label, though I don’t go bottom, hehehe. kung san masaya dun kami…
July 29th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Migs,
i am writing this in defense of piolo pascual…
i thought you said lets us not be judgmental…
why post piolos’ pic under the heading str8 acting gay?
if you respect piolo or any gay for that matter then you shouldnt have posted his pic…what are you insinuating?
if indeed piolo is gay…at least give him the benefit of the doubt!!!
July 29th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
See!!!
…exactly just how many kinds are there?
this chat room speaks for itself.
It’s a whole world of its own.
love it….
…dami ko natutunan ha!
peace!
July 29th, 2007 at 11:09 pm
ako ay isang bading..not a cross dresser, not a very loud ones!! basta bading because you could obviously seen it when i speak, at may pagka-feminine ang looks ko dahil mana ako sa nanay ko..hindi ren mahaba ang hair ko BASTA CUTE na BADING AKO!!(”>) I just wanted you all to know (Based on my Observation) that being a “paminta” only attracts to a “paminta” guy din.. In my case, mga -TOTOONG- lalake talaga ang mga na-aatract sa akin, yung iba nga brusko, yung ibga pamilyado at yung iba TIBO dahil siguro sa pagiging totoo ko!! Kaya mahirap talagang nagtatago ka, kaya rin ang tulad mo lang din ang nagkaka-gusto s’yo at hindi ka magustuhan nang mga taong naka-paligid s’yo!!
July 30th, 2007 at 4:14 am
Meow-yaw:
Nobody broke my heart.:) I just think the name catches everyone’s attention. I’m actually thinking of doing a blog and i thought it should be something connected with the word HEART. Should I? Migs, What do you think?
July 30th, 2007 at 7:48 am
@Broken Heart - go ahead, go blog! Then join PinoyGayBlogs.com Good luck!
July 30th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Hi Migs- you said: “I applaud the “effems” because they have the courage to be such even if society generally frowns upon their unconventional behavior. Give them the respect they need.”
I’d rather we say: “Give them the respect they deserve.”
Not everyone deserves the respect that they need.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:02 am
isa lang masasabi ko… yang mga confused eklavu na yan pero dating other men, karma natin yan. masyado na raw tayong magaganda.
sa tingin ko we should stay away from these types, kung confused man sila hindi tayo ang kasagutan.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:16 pm
why do some of us here assume that the closeted ones are confused? they can be closeted but not confused. you can still be out, and yet confused. being closeted, out, straight-acting, and so on, can be (1) a choice, (2) socially-determined, (3) some confusion, and so on. tama ang ilan sa itaas: whatever or whoever you are, basta you don’t trample upon another person’s life or affair, you’re cool
August 1st, 2007 at 3:49 am
Sorry but it’s like blaming the straight-acting for making it hard to find the right person to be in a relationship with.
straight-acting is just another option. And not all them are confused, married or with a girlfriend.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 am
I agree wholeheartedly with what Eric said.
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:40 pm
i believe, people only show who they are, in their own capacity. either you are straight acting or effeminate, it is rooted from your own nature, something you are comfortable of doing and showing. even if you force yourself acting as straight, it is still in your nature to incline towards the image you are comfortable to show. thus, everyone deserves respect, for everyone in the camp has his own battle to live with. everyone has his own liberty to be who he is. no matter how obscure, how absurd, everyone deserves a bicycle, where he can freely drive himself to his own path.
for straight acting — confusion
for those with conscious effort to act straight — ridicule
for effeminates — discrimination.
now? tell me, is there any one of them, who deserves to be a laughingstock?
dowel
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:01 pm
after having posted my comment, i read the ones posted before mine, and thought of listing down my hypothesis.
1. there are straight acting gay guys, some confused.
2. there are straight acting gay guys, some are just born masculine and not confused.
3. there are closeted straight acting gay guys, most decided from choice to have the managing easier, few merely from fear to be ridiculed.
4. there are effeminates, some confused too.
5. there are effeminates, because they were born and raised to be feminine, and they are gay.
6. not all effeminates, are gay, rarely straight.
7. some effeminates laughs at some straight acting, as much as some straight acting laughs at some of them, but not ALL.
which leads us to one conclusion, YOU CAN’T BE SURE.
you can’t be sure of one’s reason.
you can’t be sure if your suspicion is correct.
you can’t be sure who amongst them laughs at you.
you just CAN’t be sure.
so, since you can’t be sure, why not just mind your own business, and let others be who they are in ways they want to be who they are. besides, since you don’t have the capability to bear a child, then don’t expect others their explanation, because you are not their mother.
dowel
August 4th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
we can’t balme them and i guess, many effems are just insecure of “pamintas” for whatever reason… as for the photo being posted above, (which is obviously Piolo) its unfair on his part since he has no chance to defend himself… ‘m sorry but i call it insecurity…
August 6th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
you can be all masculine and get all your kicks from men.
August 8th, 2007 at 8:23 am
nakakatuwa naman. Well, ang dami na nga nila. Kahit san ka pumunta, meron. I think its not right that we call them gay, kasi di happy ang pagiging straight acting e.
August 11th, 2007 at 2:16 am
wew…dme n nagspur n comments about Migs’ orginal blog.
I do admire what he said and let me quote: “No need to be judgmental; accept the fact that embracing diversity means welcoming gay guys who are naturally masculine in their outward behavior.”
As per his dating the type of guys he mentioned, i dont care, it’s his life. As long as he knows what he’s doing and knows the consequences of those actions and if he’s ready for them(consequences), its fine. let him be.
The same goes for straight acting, masculine, effem, flambouyant or what ever label of guys/gays it may be. It should all boil down to a common view, respect diversity.
Nobody needs to force anybody to believe anything.
-just my thoughts.
*wink
August 11th, 2007 at 8:20 am
“Diversity” I think there is diversity in all genders. So whatever one choses what he/she wants to be then let him be. I think we should respect everyone regardless of the nature of anyones sexuality and physical attributes.
Like myself i am a closeted gay but i am not confused. All along I thought that it was just a phase and eventually i would come out of my closet and i thought that living in the US would be more comfortable for me to come out and just be myself. But i was wrong, It’s been a couple of years that i am here in the US but i am still the same person that i was when i was still in the philippines. Nothing changed, my ideals and priciples are still the same. So maybe its an inherent characteristic or just a choice.
The bottom line is we are happy with our choices and the way we want to lead our lives. and we deserve respect for that.
Btw migs, you said in your podcast that you can and will try to meet up with your fans hehehe “artistahin na si migs” if given the chance. I am one of your maybe countless fans so if by any chance you can visit NY just drop me a msg and i will be honored na makita ka even for a dinner. Thanks
September 13th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
i guess tama nga un.. respect na lang sa mga effems. i am one of those straight acting gay men but still i managed to find myself a very loving bf na straight acting din.. its just a matter of waiting for that right guy. it comes when u least expect it. mas mataas pa nga respeto ko sa mga out na kc matapang sila at may respeto.. madami kcng mga straight acting gay men na mataas maxado ang tingin sa sarili na dapat sambahin mo sila, sila usually ung mga selfish men na sexual satisfaction lang ang hanap.. im proud to be gay but not brave enough to be out..
someday pag yumaman na ko..haha.. tska ako magout,..ahaha
October 21st, 2007 at 10:36 pm
sa akin walang problema maxado lang kasing “malice” mag isip ang tao lalo na tayong mga pinoy. well, sa akin bahala cla basta walang iyakan.