Confused Francis
In a previous post, I invited readers who are *still* confused about their sexuality to share their thoughts with us. Here’s one reader, with screen name Francis, who opens up to all readers of this site. Read his story, then… I’d like to invite you to give him a piece of your mind by commenting here.
(Here is his email. I preserved it in its original form as much as possible. Corrected only some obvious typos, and converted the text speak. All the rest is his original email.)
hi migs…
im francis (not real name) im confused, really confused guy…
im in a realationship now with a woman…
we have 3 year old daughter…
help me…
di ko na alam gagawin ko…
di ako masaya sa relationship ko ngayon…
kasi di ko plinano
one night stand tapos yun nabuntis na kaagad.
and kailangan ko panagutan
yun ang pinakamalaking pagkakamali ko
marami na ko sex experience sa same sex
pero lahat yun pretend ako na di ko gusto lahat..
kasi lahat yun me kapalit…
pera…
pero ewan ko ba …
hinahanap hanap ko
minsan nga ginagawa ko na lang yun na alibi…
para lang maka-encounter uli ng sex sa same sex…
pero kapag naka-set na yun time nag-ba-back out na ko…
natatakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari…
pero gusto ko
me hitsura kasi ako…
medyo malakas ang appeal sa mga bakla at silahis
dami nga nag-o-offer kapag nakikita na nila ako sa cam
pero natatakot talaga ako…
di naman ako attracted sa same sex
pero parang gusto gusto ko na makipag-sex sa kanila
di ko rin maamin sa sarili ko na gay o bi ako
di ko alam
sana mabasa mo to….
thanks…
As mentioned, do share your thoughts, pieces of advice, etc. to Francis… comment here so he, and others too, can read and learn from it. (The picture here is from Francis’ Friendster account.) Those who leave a comment will be sent Francis’ Friendster account URL so you can add him. His Friendster account advertises him as a call boy, and has pictures with frontal nudity — disclaimer: this blog is not in any way endorsing his services. This blog post is solely for opinion sharing.
Possibly Related Entries:
- Francis Torres, the Maharlika
- “Bi” the way, I’m gay
- Still Confused?
- Are you still confused?
- Homosexuality: a matter of choice?
- “I want to be normal!”
- Cost of Curiosity
- Where do you get your haircut?
October 27th, 2006 at 9:41 am
Francis,
It takes a lot of courage to really determine what you want. You say you are not happy with your existing relationship. The question is are you not happy because it is with a woman or is it because it is not planned? Which is which? Both are entirely different from each other. If you are not attracted to the same sex, why the wanting to have sex with guys? Have courage, have the guts to see things plainly and squarely. Dont mind other people yet. You have to look first within yourself. And once you are able to that, then that is the time you consider the others. I am not asking you to come out blazing like a wild fire, the only thing I am asking is, find out the truth first, as you would see it without any prejudice, and make a strong stand. Your confusion seems to stem, not from yourself, but from you ardent consideration for society. That is good, but even before you can become considerate at the needs of others, you have to be true to yourself. I am not an expert. I am just speaking my mind. I hope it helps.
October 27th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Francis:
I agree with what Crimson said and will just add to that.
“Be true to yourself.” “Know yourself.” We’ve always been told that. But we rarely are told HOW. To be honest to oneself and to know oneself, one must have the courage to face oneself–likes, dislikes, beliefs, values, etc.
Natatakot ka sa puwedeng mangyari? Harapin mo at alamin mo. Kung magustuhan mo, at least alam mo na yun talaga ang gusto mo.
* * * * *
Then again, this whole letter thing might just be a bait to hook guys to your services. Sana wag naman. But I just had to mention it. Skeptical me.
October 27th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Francis!
You know what? I am like you also. I am so sad to tell you guys that I am also confused of my preferred orientation. I started doubting my gender the time I accidentally opened same sex websites while I was in high school.
until now, no one notices my dillemma inside. Am I a bisexual or am I really gay inside?
I initially wrote this reply to tell you that you are not alone in the problem. And i hope that one day, we will be coming out of our closet and reveal what we really are.
October 27th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
I’m very much a married man with 6 year old kid. For me it started with my best pal since we were young. but unlike him, i am not straight, only straight acting. my best pal told me na ginagawa niya lang yun with me and nothing else and now, im into a secret relationship with same sex (not my best pal)though he’s in the states. it will all boils down to choices and acceptance. kung tanggap mo na kung ano ka, it will be okay. kung hindi naman there lies the problem. go find yourself. just dont let your wife know this. what she didnt know wont hurt her and pray very hard you’ll not get caught. Best regards!
October 29th, 2006 at 7:56 am
Be true. right. pero keep in mind that in being true to your self might not be good to others (say your wife and your kid).
October 29th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Well, all you need is simple lang if you are afraid coz you are a family man to come out then… go and work abroad so you can explore all the enjoyment and possibilities without your family knowing what you are doing, dami ng ganyan dito sa dubai at pag andito ka na call ka lang sa akin, give kita ng ian veneracion look alike or mas beauty pa…
October 30th, 2006 at 12:46 am
France,
nothing much to say about…siguro kasi we’re on the same boat. I had a gf for 3 years pero nakipag kalas siya after I admit to her na may nangyari sa amin ng best pal ko, hirap to accpet the fact but I have to be honest. I don’t want this feeling pero I’m attracted to goodlooking guys. May nagkakagusto naman sakin both mga girls and bi’s kaya lang I don’t want to end up a gay. Gusto ko pa rin mag asawa at magkaron ng family. Di naman ako pwede ma inlove sa guy kasi who will take me seriously na staright guy din di ba? Sana bro, we can make it through, soon. Just pray that we will be guided always, be strong, and be happy always. Life is so short to be taken superficially. God bless!
October 31st, 2006 at 2:12 am
mahirap talaga.. pero sa mga ganitong bagay.. sarili mo lng talaga maaasahan mo..
i guess you have to think it through.. thouroughly.. isipin mo effects kung aminin mo.. effect sa iyo.. asawa at anak mo… mas sasaya kaba? o mas magiging miserable?
timbangin mo kung ano dapat maging decision mo.. THINK OF THE WORST for both situation.. tapos saan palagay mo ang maskakayanin mo at maglelead sa kaligayahan mo….its gonna be hard.. pero nasasaiyo lng talaga ang solusyon…
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:54 pm
i, too, am confused. i can’t accept to myself that i am gay or bi. i act straight. i sleep with girls. i’ve been in sexual encounters with men, but i’ve never had anal sex. right now, i’m in love with a friend. a straight friend, as far as i know. i sense that he’s interested in me as well, but i’m too afraid to do anything about it because i don’t want to ruin our friendship. he’s a great friend, i can’t afford to lose him. i guess what it all comes down to is to simply go ahead… take a risk. i know i’m going to confront my friend sometime soon. wether he’s going to react positively or negatively, it doesn’t matter. at least i was being true to myself. at least i found closure. what’s life without taking chances, anyway? as for you, i think you should go ahead and try hooking up with a guy. see how you like it. if you like it better than your girlfriend’s company, then it must mean you’re more interested in men than in women. which results to you being gay (or bi, if you’re still interested in having sexual relations with women). so there. there’s my piece of advice. i hope that helps.
November 2nd, 2006 at 3:08 pm
Hey Francis!
How are you, still confused? it seems that all the straight, bi’s, gays, read your letter was interested, ang you’re really interested, I think it big.
You have to be honest to yourself, be who and what you are.
Good luck bro.
November 3rd, 2006 at 5:25 pm
we will only live once, so better enjoy. you deserve to be happy so you have to make a choice. keep smilin.
November 3rd, 2006 at 8:20 pm
Well, just a piece of my mind. I think whatever you choose to be, you should face the consequences. mahirap talagang intindihin ang situasyon mo esp. now that you have a kid. i think i end up single ’till i die para la masaktan ibang tao.
November 8th, 2006 at 10:21 am
I really admire you francis for your honesty and frankness. Well, pursue whatever you want in life and where ever you will find peace and happiness. Good luck and God bless. Add me in friendster as your new friend. Thanks
November 17th, 2006 at 1:22 am
Be happy just follow what your heart desire but be good emough to use your brains.
I like you for caring your anak.
Past never comes back. ano ka ba do what you think will make you happy. Anything you do to improve yourself wil be your gift to God. You dont owe anyonr an explanation.
November 20th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
i was touched with your honesty..i hope we could share more of our thoughts…email me back. txs
November 21st, 2006 at 5:37 am
ey.. just a piece of advice…
just do what makes you happy but be sure
to keep in mind what is best for your child…
December 8th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
it’s really difficult to admit the truth. well, ijust simply say, just go on to what you want which will make you happy. don’t think of the things that would bother you like your true identitiy. well, it doesn’t matter anyway. that’s my principle in life. i’ll just go for everything that would make me happy.
December 30th, 2006 at 12:56 am
ohh Francis…your concerns are no longer an issue nowadays..punyeta ka no? hehehe
December 30th, 2006 at 7:07 am
Much of the replies tell you to do what will make you happy. But, this is not a case of two matured people accepting the fact of who you are. The problem lies with the child you have. Definitely, at the child’s tender age, it would be difficult for the child to comprehend the situation.
Love is a sacrifice. It’s your choice- your happiness to be what you want, or selfless love, sacrificing your needs for the love of others. As I mentioned in my other replies, LOVE and when it hurts, LOVE SOME MORE! Goodluck.
January 7th, 2007 at 2:52 am
love yourself more and know your true self.. then show it
January 21st, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Hey man… Tough times huh? Just go with what makes you happy. Not that I am recommending you have sex with men all the time, but to make yourself responsible for all your actions, kasi in the future yu’ll blame someone what you’ve done and/or what you’ve become. Yu should start admitting to yourself that you’re queer, be it bi or gay. Once youve done that, youll feel a rush of relief na para bang u dont have to hide your who u are. Just go on with life, be a responsible parent, be a good man towards the mother of your child and tell her.
January 24th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
at least totoo ka po. dont wori if u nedd someone im here for you po. email me at ahehe. inuman na lang tayo poara mapagusapan natin yan ng maayos. ok., more power..
January 26th, 2007 at 10:04 am
i just realized that my situation is far easier than what francis and those who are afraid of recognizing themselves as gays. I am out yet still experiencing various kinds of discrimination in our society pero i must admit, im already numb with those stuffs. Kaya I dont think hindi na problem sa akin ang discrimination. besides, my family and friends love me for who I am.
IN your situation, i really feel the unexplainable pressure you’re feeling now. It is far more difficult than the pressure I got from the homophobic society. I have to commend you for your honesty and openness to share these dilemmas of yours here. Super super two thumbs up ako sa iyo.
A lot of readers here already gave you very sound suggestions and thoughts. Hope you would treat all of these equally and wisely. It’s for your own good na rin naman. I just want to add the importance of experience over instruction. No matter how knowledgeable and aware you are with the ins and outs of this world, you would not learn if you yourself wont make a move. IT is on your own body the answer to your same body’s dilemma. YOUR CONFUSION. These guys who commented here shared their thoughts already and all you have to do is to deliberate each of these and choose those you think would and could really solve your crisis. There’s always a solution to a problem. You were given instructions already and all you have to do is TO APPLY these. Transform words into actions. Cliche though this may seem, ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. I really believe you can do it, you can learn a lot, and soon you’ll reach whatever your goals related to your situation are. EXPERIENCE over INSTRUCTION. That is learning.
Count my comments in. I hope I did help you. and i hope im not that late yet to assist you.
Aurevoir!!!
February 10th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
just follow your instincts.
February 16th, 2007 at 12:29 am
all i can say is that first you have to take responsibility to your daughter. next is to face your fears, apprehension etc., i guess it really is all up to you. just stay focus and don’t forget to ask for help/support from your family and people dear to you
February 18th, 2007 at 2:56 am
Hi… I am Marikit, a licensed civil engineer and taking up master degree in construction management in MAPUA Institute of Technology. I am just confused with myself. Pag nakakita ako ng mga guapo lalaki, kinakati ang “pussy ” ko at gusto ko makipagsex sa kanila. Sa isang linggo, nakasex ako ng 31 na ibat-ibang lalaki, maski ang teacher namin sa MAPUA ibinolow job ko sa sobrang libog ko sa CR. Maski ang ang mga kaklase ko, niyaya ko ng 11pm sa gym para makipagsex sa kanya. Pero di ayaw ko tlga ng lalaki, gusto ko lang sa kanila makipagsex at iblow job sila, bsta guapo at matangkad. Ksi pretty rin ako. Ewan ko ba adik tlaga ako sa lalaki..
February 21st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
umm.. hey, Identical Crisis lang yun.. but if u wanna find out, then go ahead and try. mayb Bi curious lang talaga ka. but for me nothing wrong with it.. sige take care
March 4th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Well, try to determine what you want - And go for it.
March 4th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
May we know his FRIENDSTER account? Or his number perhaps? Thanks.
March 23rd, 2007 at 1:24 am
dumadaan talaga lahat sa ganyang stage.. pero syempre kailangan dn nating subukan lahat para malaman natin kng cino talaga tayo..:) ano po ba friendster account ni francis? tnx
March 23rd, 2007 at 4:22 pm
dont be afraid to come out kung talagang sure ka na sa yong pagkatao. try to determine what u want and. you are right now in a stage of confusion. pag nahanap mo na sarili mo. get out of ur shell.
April 2nd, 2007 at 8:17 am
i really don’t believe in such thing as bisexuality. my personal opinion is that bi are actually gays who have not accepted themselves as such. but i think if some people doesn’t want to be out for their own personal reason, other gays should respect that. para bang sa mundo ng kabaklaan, not to be out is a mortal sin and some kind of hypocrisy. tayo dapat ang more compassionate to the flight of gays who wanted to be out but can’t be out for some personal reason. i am a gay guy who was out since i was 14 yrs old and after more than 20 years of being happily out, i feel for my closeted brothers(or should i say sisters), but if you think this is a better situation for you, i will respect your decision. cheers to migs for this site.mabuhay ang mga bakla!
April 20th, 2007 at 8:55 am
whew..its good to be true..yep confused ka talaga sa sexuality mo nu..so i think para sa akin bisexual ka..pero what rigore said that there’s no such things as “bisexual” they are just gays who act like a man..mabuhay tayong mga bading..siyempre mahilig ka mkipagsex sa amin so obviously masarap kming mga bading ikama..hehe
April 20th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Once you have made the next step, I think it would be difficult to turn back. Process it really well before you decide on anyhting because whatever it is will definitely affect the life and future of your child.
April 20th, 2007 at 9:51 am
You need to start with identifying what is important in your life. From ther you can now process on how you want your life to proceed.
April 20th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
just believe in your self and everything will be fine! believe me that is what most of us did… but in different approaches!
May 9th, 2007 at 1:58 am
Though maybe much arguable, homosexuality is partly a choice. If I were you, and kung may pag-asa ka pang maging straight, maging straight ka nalang. Let’s accept the fact that this world exalts straights more over the non-straights. Saka kung sinasabi ong di ka naman na-aattract sa guys, technically, hindi ka naman homosexual. Siguro comparatively better lang ang naging experience mo with men than with women. Meaning baka naman yung mga nakasex mong babae ay mga tuod lang at di passionate, e ikumpara mo ba naman sa mga bading na gagawin lahat para mapasaya ang kapartner nila, di ba? Pwede rin baka may fetish kalang or baka may experience ka nung bata ka na dapat mong balikan para maexplain kung bakit mas gusto mong makipagsex sa lalaki, or better yet, para malaman mo kung bakit gusto mong nakikipagsex sa mga taong hindi ka naman attracted! Weird di yun ba? Consult a psychiatrist kaya? I’m serious! Hehehe!
May 12th, 2007 at 9:42 am
France…
I agree when other will say that we only live once and make it the most out of it..
but please think what is good for your child..
Lust will never last forever but believe that FAMILY will do..
Maraming walang pamilya pero ikaw meron na kaya why choosing your selfish desire pa when you have a family that you can call your own..
think about it kid..
nasa huli ang pagsisisi…
June 1st, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Hi Francis!
As they say, we are given the free will–the freedom to choose and the freedom to live life to the fullest.
In your case, you chose your path. It may be the right or wrong way. But, just always keep in mind that if there’s life, there’s still hope. Use that hope to lead you to that path you REALLY want to take.
You can always go back and start all over again. Just make sure that when turning back, you should take all your regrets so that as you go on, you will feel relieved.
And always remember that at the end of the day, it is you who has the power to change your life! No one can dictate you from doing things.
July 8th, 2007 at 2:05 am
fran, you just hooked up by your job. lilipas din yan.
July 29th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
ei i think u’ll just get rid of that feeling dude…stick t your family, thats my advice….
August 4th, 2007 at 3:36 am
.kung ano magpapaligaya sayo dun ka.speak to somebody that will understand and accept u.gudlak
August 11th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
tripper?
August 16th, 2007 at 6:46 am
i think u alone can tell what will make you happy.
You can try both worlds at a time, but as i say always think of the consquences first, be ready for them and then when u r ready do it.
But if you already have a kid by a woman, my personal up bringing would tell me to ask you to work it out with your kid’s mother. But again it is for you to decide.
Just carefully identify your options and actions and study their consequences.
i wish you wise judgement…
*wink
August 16th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
anu po ba ang friendster account ni francis??
August 18th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
oo nga sabi dito pag nagpost ka bibigay sau acct, di naman! hmp!
September 16th, 2007 at 12:10 am
jUst aLwAys foLLow yOur hEart,
tHen, tHere wiLL be nO dOubt iN tHe eNd!
September 20th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Being honest to yourself disregarding other people’s opinion on your as a very good breather for a confuse mind. I do agree with others here, search within yourself and be brave enough to face the truth. It also helpful to confide to your most trusted friend or companion, but you should be very careful because they might misjudge you. But the things is, if you hide things by yourself, people will suspect and talk about you, if you’ll be honest to them, they will talk to you either. So, the option is up to you. For me, people talking about me being an honest person to them and to myself is lot easier and stress free option.
October 5th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
i’m in the same boat that is why i symphatize with you. i really don’t know where the waves will take me
October 12th, 2007 at 11:09 am
” Live your life the way you want it to.”
That’s what you should know and do…. short but meaningful…. take care!